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Jennifer Aniston Humidity Struggles, Fred In Alabama Disputes Georgia’s National Title & Playoff Football Is Here!

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I’m running behind because I did a radio hit across Michigan and took out the trash, so let’s get right into it this morning!

It’s Friday and I owe Beau in Toledo an after-work beer that needs to be scheduled ASAP. I’ll let the guy have the floor to start off the weekend:

First and foremost, please allow me to apologize for the a&& whuppin’ Your inbox took the other day over the chili subject.

And now please allow me to apologize in advance for doing it again.  The wife wanted to chime in and let everyone know that Texas “chili” is nothing but spaghetti sauce with chili powder and a spicy pepper or two in it.  I love that woman!

They do serve that style of “chili” here in Toledo though.  Wednesday’s article decided my lunch option for Thursday: Tony Packos (@tonypackos) • Instagram photos and videos

Yeah, what’s called “chili” in some places is hot dog sauce here.

(And yes, there should be a bun signed by one Commissioner Kinsey in the Packo’s downtown location.)

As far as the covid d–k, issue, it reminded me of the nurse in the UK that was brought out of her covid-coma after being given… yup, VIAGRA. 

I’ll try not to start any more web fights for the rest of the month, sir.

####

That message was all over the place, but that’s why I love the emailers who just let it fly. I don’t want professors emailing me. I want trained every day American email assassins, and Beau knows his role.

• Rann R. writes:

My grandson Cooper’s playoff selections. Thought you would appreciate it. He is 12.

####

What an age to be as a sports fan.

I turned 12 two weeks after Montana to Taylor ripped my heart out and the Bengals lost Super Bowl XXIII. I was riding a high thinking the Bengals would be back and would get that elusive Super Bowl title. The franchise has won ONE playoff game since.

Thank you for the confidence, Cooper, but remember, I just want that ONE elusive playoff win. I’m not going to get greedy, Cooper!

• Tim L. had a huge week with his Texas chili email that made fun of us northerners. I actually had multiple northerners tell me how much they enjoyed it because it was funny and we’re not a bunch of triggered snowflakes around here. We can take it!

Well, Tim L. is back and unwilling to admit to committing federal crimes:

Sorry Brent, I’m not really a recipe guy, but it’s lots of Nolan Ryan ground beef, spices, serranos, tomato paste, spices, some Lone Star beer, and finally, spices. I personally don’t put in onions, but if you like eating Satans testicles, feel free, I guess. And here’s the most important part. Every time you walk by the pot, you have to chug a beer and add more cayenne. Remember, the only way to know if you made good chili or not is if, the next day, you swear you’ll never eat that again. 

Bengals fans: don’t fret the Raiders. Derek Carr is no TJ Yates. Y’all know what I’m talking about. In fact, I’ll take it a step further and say I thinking we’re headed towards a Patriots@Bengals AFC championship game. 

As far as thrill-seeking goes….oh wait, no federal crimes. I’ll have to sit this topic out. 

• Tom D. in Waterville, OH checks in:

Hey Joe!  Long time Screencaps reader and huge fan from across the river in Waterville.

Back before my wife and I had kids, we liked to go on backpacking trips where we carried everything we needed for four or five days and nights.  A bucket list trip for me was the Grand Canyon.  My wife is a teacher, so our trips were limited to summer vacation….hello Arizona in June.  Our first day, we got to the basin of the Grand Canyon at 11 AM, and the thermometer read 111 degrees.  Since we were backpacking the desert in summer, we rolled the dice and decided to go with no tent and sleep under the stars.  Arizona defied all odds and we had some rain every. single. day in the Grand Canyon.  Still totally worth it.

Keep up the great work!

PS – I saw your New Year’s Resolution was to meet more Caps readers.  I think a Pburg meetup would bring in a lot of fans of your work.  Just saying!!

####

Dang, Tom! I said thrill-seeking adventure, not flirtin’ with disaster! Glad to hear you made it out of the canyon without turning into dinner for the snakes and lizards.

As for a meetup, I’ll have details soon. The holidays are over, and I know schedules have loosened up.

• Speaking of thrill-seeking adventure, Mark W. might’ve won the week with his report. Read this!

One of the coolest thrills I have experienced occurred several years ago. I had a friend who was close to the commander of the 1st Combat Brigade at Ft. Campbell. He arranged for us to do a parachute jump with them and wanted to know if I would go. I am not a fan of heights (don’t even really like being on the top of my extension ladder when it is stretched out) but I figured these warriors were the best of the best and would keep me safe.

I didn’t have the details of the jump, but I figured with a couple of rookies on board that it would be a plain vanilla jump from a low altitude out of the back of a plane.

Boy, was I wrong!

At the safety briefing, I found out we would be jumping from a helicopter from 13,000 feet (2.5 miles up). Any higher and we would have had to don oxygen masks.

Now for a helicopter to get to 13,000 feet, it takes about 20 minutes flying in a corkscrew pattern. That meant that the butterflies in my stomach were the size of condors when the jumpmaster opened the doors and yelled “make ready”.

I was tethered to a young Ranger and out the door we went. Exhilarating doesn’t even begin to describe the experience. It was truly amazing. And despite my anxiety about heights, I would do it again in a minute.

Let me say, I jumped with eight Rangers that morning who were getting ready to deploy to Afghanistan in a few weeks, and those young men were the best of the best. We are blessed in this country to have such people that stand ready to protect us and our freedoms.

 

• Lucas O. writes:

Do you somehow find the NFL’s social justice campaign more annoying than the NBA’s? I mean they have a commercial which states how you can “go to jail for just looking at a house in the wrong neighborhood.”

####

I have to be honest, I don’t pay attention to the NBA’s woke social justice campaigns, but I’ve seen the NFL’s commercial and I’ve written multiple times about the NFL wokes who continue to push this garbage. Let’s not forget the NFL’s woke Instagram page when it honored a woman who claimed she was attacked with lighter fluid and set on fire. The feds said they couldn’t find evidence that a crime occurred and the woman’s lawyers quietly went away.

Did that stop the NFL from honoring her as a social justice hero? Nope.

My advice? Try to keep your blood pressure under control and let OutKick writers fight this battle against a very small department inside the NFL HQ that has big influence right now because billion-dollar owners want an insurance policy in case trouble pops up. That’s when they’ll point to the SJW initiative and say, ‘Hey, we’re proactive here, we have SJW commercials.

It’s all theater.

• Ryan M. writes:

Love Screencaps and all of your content. I feel like Screencaps nation would appreciate this song. It seems like this song was written especially for my Pop, but I’m sure others would feel the same. Seems like a community raised by great, hard-working MEN.

• And with that, the weekend is nearly here. Just a few more hours for you guys until lunch break and skirting out of work for the rest of the day. I promised my son I’d take him to do virtual golf after school, but that means you guys are in luck this weekend.

I’ve made the executive decision to take Screencaps seven days a week through the Super Bowl. There’s just too much material for the next month to take off a morning. Pass the word on your text exchanges. Set an iPhone reminder.

Don’t forget that you can get all your Screencaps posts right here on #MorningScreencaps. Go ahead and bookmark this page so you don’t miss anything.

Go Bengals! Go Team Traeger & Team Blackstone! Enjoy those golf rounds on actual grass. Stay warm. Enjoy the snow, if you’re skiing in West Virginia. And I’ll see you guys tomorrow morning for playoff Screencaps!

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

3 Comments

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  1. (1) My total experience with Cincinnati is changing planes in their airport a few times but … I really like Skyline Chili … and I’ve always thought Cesar Geronimo was a very cool name.
    .
    (2) Any day that includes new pics of OFFICER SHELTON is a very good day. I’ve always imagined she is a quite decent person with a for-real nice personality … and a very low to maybe non-existant Skank Index.
    .

  2. Here’s how to know if the Bengals will actually win (I’m betting on no — kinda like when I see Arizona in the NCAA Men’s basketball bracket):

    Does Cincy have a “milti-click” post-game background narrative that will drive ad revenue to the NFL? If there is, the Ben-gals have a shot. If not, or if the LV Raiders have a better one “under the radar,” well, as Bill Paxton’s Private Hudson famously said: “Game over, man!”

    Remember, the NFL is not about football, it’s about MONEY!

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