No, the Mullet Toss is not about hair. A mullet is a silver bait fish that weighs about 1 lb. For $15 anyone can enter the toss in their appropriate age and gender divisions. Contestants throw the fish overhand down a sand alley without stepping outside of a 10 foot diameter circle or throwing it out of bounds while hundreds of people watch. Why the Mullet Toss isn’t considered one of the great American sporting events, along with the Super Bowl and Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, we’ll never understand. Someone start a petition.
Mattie Lou: I loved explaining to people that I was going to the Mullet Toss… for work. While Lori had been before, I was a newbie and had no idea what to expect. I was in for a real treat as I learned that the “mullet” that was being tossed was a fish and not a wig. Yes, it is shocking that the Alabama grad didn’t know this. Whatever. We arrived super late Thursday and headed straight to bed so we could be fully prepped for Mullet Toss kick-off.
Lori: Disregard if you are still in college and go straight to the Flora-bama and drink.
Mattie Lou: The Flora-Bama is massive, and there were people everywhere. All types of people. Everywhere I turned there was some incredible back tat or calf tat. I felt left out but happy to be. Let’s just say that the payment line at Alabama Power in Tuscaloosa on due day has now been surpassed as the greatest people watching destination I’ve ever seen.
Lori: It was difficult to keep Mattie Lou focused. She is Alabama’s premier spotter of terrible tattoos, which is a busy job. Here are some of her rare finds:
Mattie Lou: Lori, our pro tour guide, suggested we head straight for the beach where people have their “tailgates” set up with various activities. It was like adult spring break. The outfits ranged from witty t-shirts, to barely there bikinis, to the gaggle of girls who confused the Flora-Bama for Coachella and were covered in flower crowns and flash tats.
Lori: This is my favorite thing about the Mullet Toss… Are there rednecks? Yes. Are there frat boys? Yes. Bikini models? Senior citizens? Bodybuilders?? Yes. Yes. And unfortunately, yes.
Mattie Lou: We mingled from tailgate to tailgate and came across a lovely group of gentlemen who let us “spin their wheel” for prizes. This resulted in Lori getting to ride the inflatable gator in the baby pool.
Lori: OF COURSE I was the one who landed on Ride Da Gator [sic]. Mattie Lou and my friend Laurel both got free drinks. There is a video of this but one day I might have to work a real job so here’s a picture instead.
Mattie Lou: By far the tailgate that won the day was the one where girls were climbing a pole to ring a bell for a jello shot, which was made even better by the guy screaming “Make Daddy Proud!”
Lori: These videos we can share. The first girl is an expert pole climber. BECAUSE SHE IS SO STRONG, GUYS! That’s all I mean.
Mattie Lou: Next, Lori and I played battleshots with some lovely people. By this I mean Lori played while I attempted to decipher tattoos.
Lori: Mattie Lou did not participate in battleshots at all except to take a shot when her teammate handed her one. Also one of the shots was a tequila jello shot, which is a cruel bait and switch.
Mattie Lou: At this point we decided to head over to the actual Mullet Toss. It had been decided that I was going to participate for Outkick. Fine. I was happy to do it, except we lost track of time and that didn’t ever happen. But we did catch the kid mullet toss trophy ceremony, which is the Gulf Shores equivalent of winning the Scripps National Spelling Bee.
Lori: I paid for you to throw a fish on the beach. You owe me $15.
Mattie Lou: That’s fine. I can write it off as a business expense. We then found a spot next to the Jack Daniels’ tent where they had a barber shop. Why anyone would get their hair cut on the beach at Mullet Toss is beyond me. But so is getting angel wings tatted on your back when you only have enough money to have one side filled in until your next paycheck.
After beach time we went inside to watch the band and mingle. We met all of the aforementioned types of people. I will say that everyone was very friendly, sometimes overly friendly, like the old man who asked Lori if he could take a picture of just her.
Lori: I like to think that old guy is planning to frame my photo for his room at the home where he will tell people that I’m his daughter and he’s proud of me.
Mattie Lou: When I say there were all walks of life here, I’m not kidding, there were even babies, in a bar. Alabama never disappoints. We ended up staying for close to nine hours and when we all decided we were ready to go, it was only 9:45pm.
Lori: I had already taken a power nap on the beach before wandering around the Flora-bama trying to locate everyone. It was the perfect time to leave.
Mattie Lou: The Flora-Bama is one of the best beach bars I’ve ever been to and hopefully we’ll be making this an Outkick tradition. The entire weekend exceeded expectations and cemented the fact that the 85% is real.
Lori: I’m from East Tennessee, the home of Volunteer fans and Dollywood. These are my people.
Mattie Lou: We headed home to watch the Bruce Jenner interview, because when you’re finished with a day of ground-breaking journalism you should watch someone else’s work.
Click here to see the full photo gallery of our Mullet Toss adventure.