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Instagram Ladies of Local Weather Round 4, Brooks Koepka Goes Blonde & Clay’s Latest Hate Mail

Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to turn you maniacs loose

There have been email avalanches over the Thursday Night Mowing League and other topics like Christmas gifts for wives, but there’s never been a reaction like Wednesday when I tasked Screencaps readers with giving me a new job title. I asked readers to come up with a cool title I could use on social media and when people like the Panera drive-thru lady ask me what I do for a living.

To say I have options is understating things. There was a point around lunchtime when I just quit trying to respond to emails. They were coming in too fast and I had other things to do, like blog about the Florida Man who told a Waffle House cook, “You better cook the f–king bacon right!”

Here are the job title suggestions (in no particular order):

  1. OutKick Vice-President of Consumer Relations, Screencaps Division
  2. Chief Curator, Screencaps Vertical Outkick.com
  3. President/CEO Screencaps World-Wide Logistics and Distribution
  4. Senior Director of Screencaps Collection and Disbursement
  5. Executive Vice President, Screencaps Development and Design Implementation
  6. How about Senior Vice President, Rationale and Positivity
  7. Senior Director of Content and Screencaps for real America!
  8. Senior Outreach Internet Community Developer and Screencaps Purveyor (at Outkick.com) — (Richard G. in Shaker Heights, OH writes: I like ‘Senior’. Everywhere I work they stick Senior in front of a job title to pay that person a little more to do a hellavu lot more)
  9. Senior Director of Content Featuring Screencaps for real America
  10. Screencaps HMFIC
  11. Executive Vice President for Screencaps Internet Content, OutKick Instagram Model Corporate liaison & Chief Adult Beverage Dissemination Officer
  12. Senior Director of Screencap Analysis
  13. National Social Inclusion & Lawn Management Director
  14. Branch Manager of the Unified Screencaps Community of Humans. (Matt B. in So Cal writes: That’s right…. The B.U.S.C.H.)
  15. OutKick Vice-President of Consumer Relations, Screencaps Nation!
  16. SID, Sports Infotainment Director
  17. Chief Operating Officer of Screencaps
  18. Chief Content Officer, Screencaps
  19. SVP, Unusual Behavior Identification
  20. ScreenCaptain (two suggestions!)
  21. Global Head of Content CurationMorning Screencaps
  22. SSD: Screen Shot Director
  23. Screencaps Senior Product Director IV (Jason E. notes: If you keep your numbers up by publishing Screencaps on the weekends, you may be in line for promotion to Screencaps Associate Chief Product Director
  24. Assistant to the Regional Manager of Screencaps and Garage Beers
  25. Content Arbiter – Screencaps
  26. Digital Overlord of Screencaps Nation
  27. Founder, Screencaps
  28. Founder/President, Screencaps
  29. Intergalactic Director of Screencappery
  30. Screencaps Extraordinaire
  31. Chief Savant, Screencaps
  32. Internet Truth Broker, On-line Life Coach
  33. Commissioner of Screencaps, Garage Beers, and Doing Hard Things. Founder of the TNML
  34. (Pat S. in Illinois writes: since the key to success is TLA’s (three letter acronyms), your title should be; EVP (Executive Vice-President) in charge of ICC (Internet Content Compilation), SCC (Screen Cap Content), DHT (Do Hard Things), RTT (Reader Travel Tips), and TNML (Thursday Night Mowing League – I had to go FLA there)
  35. Grand Master of Content
  36. Grand Master of Meta Content

####

It’s really no wonder I don’t mind waking up to go to work in the morning. How could I complain when I have a crew like this dialed in and ready to contribute to the best damn daily column on the Internet. There are columnists like Peter King and other blue checkmark nerds I grew up with in the business who will pound out one column — quite often dumping ’em out on Fridays when nobody gives a shit and isn’t reading said column — and then Hoover vac a paycheck from their employers.

Peter King writes 5,000 words on a Sunday night and mails it in the rest of the week. He’s off circle-jerking Roger Goodell Tuesday through Saturday while Steve in Grand Junction, Colorado (fictional, I made him up) is looking to be entertained. Hey Peter, think you could put in two days a week for the common man out there?

Folks, I see your faces in the airports beaten down by the road, the grind. I see you in the bars 10 deep into the double IPAs while working over an off-duty stewardess. I see you at Costco crushing those samples. I have to fight for you on a daily basis. Screw Peter and the rest of the Big J blue checkmarks. They can’t hang. They don’t have the stamina to go 7-days-a-week through the Super Bowl. Could they pivot from Elizabeth Hurley content to a four-part series on the Instagram Ladies of Local Weather? Zero chance.

It is now my responsibility to work for a nation of content consumers who are now so far down the Screencaps rabbit hole that you’re emailing me job titles — one of which will be chosen for my social media accounts.

Thank you for your service on this topic. I really like No. 1, by the way. That’s guaranteed to set off fireworks inside OutKick Corp. and, as you guys know, chaos equals content and content equals business. Internet 101.

####

Let’s go back to the emails because they’re so damn good.

• Curt G. writes:

My dad has worked for our city for 40 years. He now works for the wastewater division after primarily doing work on streets, piping, landscaping, etc. The Waste Water Plant has so many geese hanging around the water it is ridiculous. So the city bought a Border Collie to control the bird problem. My dad named him Chase, and my parents raised him until he was ready to go to work. Chase was named Director of Goose Control and made the lives of those freeloading geese a living hell. He retired two years ago at the age of 9 and now lives comfortably at my parents house. Probably still has nightmares of geese.

• Jon H. knows the content I’m looking for. Read this!

A few years ago when the portable Bluetooth speakers had just come out, a buddy of mine and I were golfing here in Cincinnati and had some classic rock on. Guns N’ Roses popped up and I looked at him and said, out of the blue, “I think I’m gonna change my LinkedIn profile to say that I played the whistle for Guns N’ Roses in the song Paradise City.” Can you imagine the reaction that would get at a gathering of Bourbon Bros?

One of them asks you what you do and you tell him that you are now retired. He responds with “What did you do before retirement?” You shrug and say, “Ever hear the song Paradise City by Guns N’ Roses? You know the whistle at the 1:20 mark of the song? That was me.” Then walk away.

• Chris B. writes:

Hi, Joe — I made my living as a sales manager, sales director, and VP of sales, and I have an explanation with bonus pet peeve about the “manager” title. 

A while back I was on LinkedIn and saw a posting for a remote “sales manager” in media. That’s fairly unusual since aside from the big networks and the online fraudsters (read Bob Hoffman, or better yet, send Burack on that mission), media sales is generally done locally to the outlet being represented. In the details of the job, it said “Manage revenue, not people.” So in other words, you’re still just selling, not managing. That’s fine, and the good sales rep isn’t ashamed to be called a sales rep, but it’s deceptive and probably part of why those postings stay up forever unfilled.

All that to suggest this: your 40s are for moving from Manager to Director, then to VP. As a VP, you’re an officer of the company, which means when some no bueno shit happens in the executive wing, you might get some on you. At the Director level, you’re (hopefully) left alone to perform your role and oversee an operation, which may or may not mean overseeing people.

So: you should therefore be addressed as Director of Screencaps, Pop Culture, Spectacular Nature, and Unhealthy But Compelling Food Photos.

You have no direct reports, but you have dotted-line interaction with your correspondents and report directly to Clay. 

Make it a great day (as one of my bosses used to say before he went to jail)

• Mark in Frisco wants in on this whole job title thing:

I’ve been responsible for creating titles, doling out titles, and managing people to their titles for a long time(I’m old).  It is amazing how people react to/behave to particular titles.  Sometimes “manager” just means they’re getting recognition for being valuable, even if no on reports to them.  Sometimes a title is given in lieu of more money as a compromise(especially in the sh*tshow that was 2020).  Whole books have been written on the philosophy and psychology of titles.  The way I see it, you can go 1 of 2 ways. 

Traditional corporate mode:  You make the decisions for an entire branch of OutKick, aka “Culture”(but we really know its Screencaps).  You collate content into a digestible format.  You “manage” a menagerie of IG models, memes, influencers and d-bags(looking at you Jackson).  Therefore, you could be Senior Editor – Communities or VP – Cultural Content.

New Age corporate mode:  Leader – Social Media Amalgamations or Primary Consolidation Expert

But what you really need is a Screencaps community title.  Grand Poobah – Bikinis, Mowing and Sports(BMs) or VP of Garage Beers and Screencaps(BS)

These are just dumb ideas I jotted down while I’m sitting in a meeting, but hopefully that leads to some truly epic ideas from the community.

• And finally, how about this gem from Judson A.

Joe – I love what you have been doing with Screencaps.  Your post this morning on job titles made me immediately flashback to a prior employer.  It was a start-up that I was working for out of grad school.  I was having to attend conferences and trade shows so I needed an important sounding title since I would be one of the younger attendees at these events. 

The company president went on http://www.bullshitjob.com/title/ and started generating random titles till he found one that he thought sounded good then had business cards made up.  My title was Principal Implementation Specialist.  Needless to say, this caused more problems than it solved as I was constantly having to make up what I and the company did because we didn’t have any viable product.

Appreciate all that you’re doing because it is my daily entertainment as I navigate keeping Kroger stores across the country stocked with meat.  I’m a Georgia transplant in Cincinnati so the Bengal love is a bit much but I’m still on a high from the Braves so it is good to see struggling fan bases finally get some success.

####

• Canadian reader Jason W. (are there other Canadian readers I don’t know about?) checks in:

Hey, its Jason (the Joe Daley fan) here again. Not sure how much Canadian news you guys down south pay attention to, but this is is a big story up here, even bigger than beans in Chili. Truckers from across the nation are descending on our nation’s capital for a Freedom 2022 protest.

Can’t wait to see what Ottawa is going to look like this weekend when they arrive en masse. Right now Canadians are enjoying about as much “freedom” as those of you in Michigan and New York. The video I’ve linked doesn’t even do it justice as you can only see the caravan arriving after dark, but the support is obvious  More on YouTube, IG & FB. Check it out. 

• And that should do it. As you read this, I’m flying to Florida to hang with my dad for the AFC title game and to play some golf. Little did I know that it would be 20-friggin’ degrees below average in Marco this weekend due to that massive storm that’s going to dump a big one on the northeast.

Thank you to the SW Florida readers who have given me mom & pop food suggestions. Dad has tee times set and a new TV on his wall to show me. We’ll probably grab some beers, sit on the patio, and wave at people driving by. My uncle Jim will likely stop by and we’ll talk about how he and dad played during their golf league round.

I look at this weekend as my training camp for my future life.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

3 Comments

Leave a Reply
  1. The ironic thing about the Clay hate mail is the dude is probably a Defector bed-wetter who would scream ‘CANCEL’ from the roof tops at anybody who ever uttered a homophobic slur.

    The one guy is spot-on RE: TLAs in your LinkedIn job title. ‘DEI’ is the obvious hot one at the moment, so something like ‘Outkick DEI Coordinator’, where DEI stands for ‘Drunks, Eaters, and Instagrammers’,

  2. If anyone finds the INSTA of *Jenny Milkowski* in San Diego, formerly in Chicago, I’m sure it’s a treat. Jenny is, or at least was, a traffic gal on morning tee vee…I don’t know if she’s ever done weather…I don’t know if she still does traffic…But if she has an INSTA, I’m sure it’s fan-freaking-tastic 😉

  3. I do the same thing as John H…

    If someone asks what you do tell them that I’m now retired. They respond with “What did you do before retirement?” I shrug and say, “Ever hear the song Bohemian Rhapsody by Oueen? You know the windchimes at the 1:10 mark of the song? That was me.” Then walk away.

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