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Why I have a hard time buying the UFC PPVs

There I was Saturday night, having a couple of Great Lakes Conway’s Irish Ales, watching college basketball on one TV and the UFC prelims on another. I start scrolling through UFC fights, and all the MMA nerds start saying how Saturday’s PPV card was absolutely loaded and one for the ages. I’ve been sucked into that trap before, and Saturday wasn’t going to be one of those nights.

However, being the Internet journalist that I am, it was my duty to find a way to watch that PPV card. One thing led to another, and I’m watching (allegedly) the best card in ages from UFC. The first fight featured two guys who barely swung on each other for three rounds. The next fight was some Russian-trained assassin who absolutely overwhelmed some guy out of Denver with great hair. I thought the guy with great hair was going to have his arm snapped off. It wasn’t a great fight at all.

OK, now we’re onto the big fights. Title fights. Five rounds. Leave it all in the Octagon. This fight is another Russian assassin vs. a guy who goes by Funkmaster. This fight ends when the Russian blasts the Funkmaster with an illegal knee to the head. DQ. The Russian loses his belt.

Next up, the ladies! Amanda Nunes vs. some tall Russian who’s supposed to have a solid punch. Uh, it was over in like 30 seconds. It was a huge waste of time, as Nunes beat the doors off the Russian. It was dumb.

Finally, the main event. Some big ol Polish dude vs. a guy who goes by Stylebender. These two kicked each other for three rounds before the Polish hoss used takedowns in the 4th and 5th to win and remain champion. Despite Joe Rogan’s best efforts to pump up the product, it wasn’t great theater.

That was the night. I’m not sure I even saw blood. Good try, UFC. I might’ve stayed up until 1:30 a.m. Sunday morning for you guys this time, but it’s not going to happen very often unless you put some guys in there who’re going to beat the living daylights out of each other. Saturday night was terrible. Come at me, UFC nerds.

• The big tech news this morning is that Apple is discontinuing its iMac Pro desktop computer. Anyone else noticed how clunky your Apple products have gotten over the years? I would’ve taken a bullet for Apple back in the day. No more. I had to replace my laptop in the fall when the damn thing nearly blew up because of battery issues. I replaced it with a MacBook Pro, and I’m thinking this just might be the final Apple computer I buy.

• My haul this weekend: a case of Kirkland golf balls and another case of the Kirkland Citra Hop Session. I’m hearing from friends how they’re hoarding the Citra because, at $20 a case, it’s an absolute steal of a summer beer.

• You guys keep hitting those ProV1s. I’ll play my Kirkland balls and continue to cruise the creek lines and woods looking for your donations. I’ll be at Treetops in June on the Par 3 course, collecting enough balls to get me through the next two years. Thank you.

• It’s going to be in the 60s for the next four days. My mind is racing at what I want to do first. This just might be a gutter guard week. No matter what, the Yacht Rock will be pumping out of a Bluetooth device, and I’ll be soaking up the unusual March temps.

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.


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  1. I’ve never been able to enjoy UFC, or any of the spin offs. Just not my thing but I respect the hell out of anyone who does it.

    Good call on the Apple products, since the passing of Steve Jobs they have gotten a little bit closer to average every year. Jobs was a fascinating guy, a complete tyrant to work for but he was at least 20, maybe 30 years ahead of the competition. A good example of why the world needs assholes too.

  2. Don’t understand the appeal of UFC, never will.

    I’ve been an Apple guy now for over 15 years, but I’ve also used Windows 10 a lot for my work over the last ~4 years, and while I still prefer macOS and Apple hardware, the gap has closed to the point where I don’t think it’s necessarily the case any more that the ‘Apple premium’ that you pay when you guy an Apple product is worth the money any more. Windows 10 is pretty good, and there’s plenty of capable PC hardware out there that won’t break the bank like an Apple product.

    Let us know how those gutter guards work out. I like them in theory, but I’ve heard that if they’re not done right, you can do some real damage to your roof due to water wicking into the roof deck.

  3. Joe bringing the heat on a Monday!!!

    Apple got you by the balls. You were unhappy with an Apple product so you bought another Apple product. They will have a fresh marketing campaign for their next product that will draw you in and the cycle will begin again.

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