Joe Kinsey
Videos by OutKick
Indy Daryl checks in & now it’s definitely starting to feel like TNML Opening Day is right around the corner.
• For those of you who are new around here — and there are a bunch of you — Indy Daryl is famous on Screencaps for starting the “Do Hard Things” revolution where readers self-define what that means and then they go out and Do Hard Things.
Indy D. is back and writes:
There I was finally getting to SC this afternoon after having missed a couple of days in a row (classes for work, SIL moving, birthday parties out the wazoo, you know the drill) and boy did my heart sing to look upon freshly mowed grass and tweets that put me in the mood to mow. Speaking of mowing a couple of things happened here today as well:
- A second battery for the Greenworks electric mower I purchased last season. Going to be amazing to get my whole yard knocked out in one session instead of two!
- Got so excited my battery was here I went and checked in on the shoe situation. Having recently just purchased a new pair of trail runners, it was time to retire the old mowing pair and crown these beauts for the ‘23 season. Thanks to #altrarunning for always coming through. The #lonepeak kept up through thick and thin, but after wearing through the tread it was time to put them out to pasture. Here comes the #timp for 23! (Left)
- Not sure if I lose my man card, but to be perfectly honest, I didn’t watch one second of college basketball over the weekend. And to be even more honest, I didn’t even fill out a bracket!!! Who even am I?? I know I’m probably not a true American at this point, but with the aforementioned business and family happenings, I just didn’t have the energy…..
Kinsey:
This is how I know we’re closing in on the Thursday Night Mowing League Opening Day on 4/20. Guys are making their game shoe purchases. They’re making sure they have enough firepower for their engines. They’re getting mentally locked in. That’s what the preseason is all about.
It’s not always about getting out there as early as possible in the season to prove you still got it. It’s about being prepared for the mental grind that is the 7-8 month season.
Stop and think about the TNML season compared to the NASCAR season. Those guys are hopping in a car once a week for three hours. Most of you are hopping on a zero-turn twice a week for 6-7 hours of mowing. You’re baking in the sun. You’re humping it up and down steep inclines to lay those stripes for 4th of July weekends. You’re humping it in late August during the dog days of summer.
Let’s face it, you’re more of an athlete than NASCAR drivers.
I want the rookies to understand this isn’t a sprint. Get your head right going in because I guarantee there will be nights when you throw in the towel and say, “Screw it, I’ll mow on Saturday.”
That’s rat poison.
Get right right now.
AI robotic mowing? WTF?
• Joe T. in Phoenix via Medina, OH writes:
I’m scrolling my Twitter feed trying to find more information on Olivia Wilde’s new ass tattoo and I come across the below add. I believe this is in direct violation of TNML rules and it should be banned. Nowhere in the video does it say they only operate on Thursdays. Nowhere in the video does it show a place to put a Busch Light. It also makes no mention of the amount of kids in the Congo it will take to mine the Cobalt for the battery. The video does say that they are coming after golf courses. I’m calling all groundskeepers to protest these futuristic machines. I am only a TNML participant (without a member sticker) and have no ruling powers so I ask for you as our Commish to do so.
Keep up the great work on Screencaps. More Elizabeth Hurley please.
Kinsey:
I’m actually pro-robots mowing golf courses because that will loosen up the maintenance staff to work on things like bunkers, as long as the golf course investors don’t start firing the mowing staff because they bought robots.
I was at a Michigan golf resort last summer paying about $100 to play 18 on a course that was supposed to be immaculate. The starter on No. 1 said the weekly league he’s in refuses to play out of the bunkers. Then I hit a ball into a bunker and realized why. The bunkers were garbage.
The starter explained that they can’t get enough help so they have time to work on the bunkers.
If golf course robot mowers can change the game to make the courses better, I’m in. I know the bean counters have other things in mind.
Who cuts your hair, if you have any hair?
John from SD asked if readers are going to traditional barbers or stylists. I have to be honest, I didn’t expect answers from the community, but this is the type of topic that suddenly creates a surge. That’s why I never consider a Screencaps question dumb and why you should always just ask what’s on your mind.
• Chris in NE writes:
I go to a local traditional barbershop, cash only and walk-in only. They just bumped up their prices to $22/cut after being at $17/cut for a really, really long time (at least 5+ years). With a tip it runs me $27/cut which to me is pretty reasonable. I know some of the fancy places where you get a cocktail run like $40/cut before tip which I’m not willing to pay. I’ve never gone the Supercuts/Sportclip route so can’t comment there.
• Jason DeM. in Michigan writes:
John, I’m right there with you. Cost of my trim increased recently as well. I started going to a regional chain place (straight razor on the neck, towel on the face for the shampoo, etc.) and found a girl who did a great job and went to her exclusively for a few years. Then COVID…. After no haircut from pretty much March-June 2020, I was getting restless and reached out to her on FB.
Turns out she had enough of the lockdowns as well and started cutting hair out of her home. Well, some of her co-workers had done the same and they realized they didn’t even need to work for “the man” anymore. In 2021 they opened up their own spot. I followed her there and helped support her. So as inflation hits us all, I will gladly pay a few extra bux for my bi-weekly haircuts.
• Guy G. in the western New York snowbelt writes:
Oh man do I love my barber! I used to go to a quickie ‘barber’, with a bunch of women cutting hair to guys who want it done fast. They never gave me a great cut, but it was good enough for the price.
My wife got me straight razor shave set up at an actual barber in town. She thought it would be good for me to get a little relaxation in. I haven’t left since. While I only clean shave once a year, the 8 or so haircuts I get, I will only go see JP. This place is for sports guys! Autographed memorabilia everywhere, Bills and Sabres gear hanging from the ceiling… Fantastic place. A bit costly, as a cut will cost me $40, with a shave its around $65, but worth every bit of it!
• Paul Q. in Cincy writes:
Thanks to my thrifty wife and a nice Wahl clipper I’ve gotten mine done by my better half on the back patio for the last several years (following the passing of my regular barber). It helps that my hair “style” is very basic. Zip/zap and done in about 5-7 minutes.
P.S. Thanks for the TNML stickers! Put down some pre-emergent fertilizer the other day and trying to hold off on that first cut for a little while longer.
• Andy in Carmel, IN writes:
At my advanced age, I think I have this haircut thing licked.
My sons and I used to go to a chain clip joint about 10 years ago and I hated it. The wait, sitting in a cramped room with 7 or 8 strangers – it sucked. When they added an appointment deal, it was a little better but still terrible with two 10-year-olds.
So after a couple of years, we asked the one (and only stylist we went to) who we like if she wouldn’t mind coming out house to cut the three of us. Surprisingly, she agreed – we’re just on the other side of the roundabout from their shop. We negotiated a fair price and exchanged numbers. So before we need it, every 3-4 weeks, I text her and arrange a time (she’s also a flight attendant). She comes over, I give her 50 bucks, she cuts us in the garage for easy clean up (in fair months), and all three of us are done in 45 minutes. The two that aren’t being cut shoot hoops just outside in the driveway. I give her coffee, and my wife talks to her about shopping, etc non-stop. No small talk for us. It’s the perfect arrangement. I impress upon the boys how important it is to have good, friendly relationships with people you barely know.
The most underrated vacation spot is Ocean City, NJ. A short drive from Philly, but it’s a small, dry town. But also a town that has a giant liquor store right on the way in. Stop there quickly, rent a house right on the beach with a grill, and you’re set for a week as the kids run up and down the boardwalk and swim. As a kid, I set up my easel and learned how to paint landscapes. Heaven in my book.
• Mike C. in Indy writes:
Moved to Indy in 1991. Found a barber near me, about half mile from Indianapolis Motor Speedway. His son took over years ago and I still go there. Old style barber, with the straight razor on the neck. $16. Tried the sports clips once or twice over the years but definitely not the same.
Which stores would make the cut for your ‘Perfect Retro Mall of America?’
• Greg B. from suburban Dayton, OH (I have fond memories of beating up on his local high school baseball team), writes:
Long time reader, first-time writer, fellow Buckeye, Dayton-area guy, and wannabe TNML (how do I get a dope sticker?) team member here.
Loved the conversation on SC regarding the Hut, which no one will ever out-pizza. Brought back memories of me and my sister fighting over whether we should go with pan (my favorite) or hand-tossed (her preference). Mom and Dad were pretty tight with money so only one pizza per monthly pizza night. Rock-paper-scissors was the ultimate decision-maker. All the nostalgic discussion reminded me of an idea I had a couple of years back – The Retro Mall of America.
Shopping Malls are drying up like Lake Mead, and the ones that still exist are more dangerous than cell block six. Us Gen Xers need a place to relive our misspent youths and millennials need a place to learn about REAL culture where people actually had to go places to get stuff and talk to others face-to-face. The Retro Mall of America (TRMA from here on out because I’m too lazy to keep typing the phrase) would provide just that. Buying an abandoned mall would be both easy (there are plenty of them – including one in fabulous Springfield, OH) and cheap (in most cases they haven’t paid their property taxes in decades and cities are looking for redevelopment so cities are inclined to give old malls away).
TRMA is designed like an amusement park where you have to pay to park and enter. Food and drinks will require a second mortgage. The attractions would be the stores from the 70s and 80s that no longer exist outfitted just the way they were back in the day. In the TRMA, there would be…
- Petland with its smell of pine shavings and urine
- Camelot music with a Coconuts directly across from it
- Fully stocked Sears
- Merry-Go-Round with skinny ties and parachute pants
- Radio Shack where you were required to give your name, address, and SSN to even enter the store
- Video arcade with all working machines ($1 per play due to inflation)
- Hickory Farms store with its persistent smell of summer sausage
- B Dalton books
- KB Toys
- and a slew of now-defunct eateries including GD Ritzy’s, Rax Roast Beef, Arthur Treacher’s Fish and Chips (maybe those still exist), and more all featuring fares from yesteryear.
What do you think? What stores would you and the SC audience like to see? Perhaps we can start an effort to sell shares to make TRMA a reality and start a GoFundMe to cover the gap. People give away money for worse causes. Shareholders would park for free and get 10% off admission.No cellphones would be permitted. TRMA would rent Polaroids and sell film. Renters keep their pics. Other rules would need to be developed to reduce self-absorption and instant gratification and increase civil human interaction. I’m sure the SC audience could help me here.
So what do you say? Should I get on LegalZoom.com and draw up articles of incorporation?
Kinsey:
This one hit me hard because my childhood mall — Salem Mall in Trotwood, OH (RIP…it’s now a dirt lot) — was a magical place that wasn’t designed like a traditional mall. There were all sorts of corridors. There were plants everywhere. There was meandering water the would create waterfalls to lower levels. Santa would sit in a grand atrium with water everywhere. It was a mall unlike all the other suburban malls built in the 1990s.
Now that my brain is thinking back 30+ years, here are my draft picks:
• Vintage Foot Locker with the scoreboard over the checkout desk
• The Friendly’s that was inside the Salem Mall. Strawberry ice cream. It felt like life couldn’t get any better
• Camelot with grungers waiting in line for record releases and then those same grungers waiting in the lobby up the road at Hara Arena (RIP…it was closed and then a tornado hit it & tore the place to shreds) for Nirvana tickets.
Those were the days.
Screencaps readers have seen a few things and can offer advice to the young bucks around here & they’re sharing their ages
• Chris B. writes:
Hi, Joe — 61 here. Done a few things, seen a few things, working on some new things.
If I have one piece of advice for the under-40s it’s this: if your marriage sucks, end it now while there’s still a chance of finding “the right one.” Rip off the band-aid, as it were. But don’t cheat.
Obviously there are kid concerns (don’t have them thinking they will solve your marital problems) and all that, but two things remain true: (1) You’ll never find your right one if you’re married and battling with the one you thought was “the one,” and (2) the single greatest destroyer of 50+ finances is divorce. Think about it: would you rather get divorced while all you have to fight over is the house (let her have it, but get your name off the mortgage) and the DVD collection, or would you rather give her the house plus half-to-all of your substantial 55-year-old’s retirement account?
Then after you’re free, don’t buy the teenage-dream sports car and make the women think you’re a driving cliche. The women you want are going to be more impressed by your maturity than by your wheels, but you can still have fun. Think Maxima, not flat-brim tuner.
Starting over is hard, but it gets harder when you’re older. Think about what the economists call the ‘opportunity cost’ of staying in a bad marriage: not only will it cost you more when it eventually, inevitably blows up, but you lose the benefit of whatever good things happened in meantime.
• Mike M. writes:
73 year old, retired Marine (30 years), i don’t fit in your target audience but I look forward to and enjoy reading you everyday. I don’t mow any more as knees and hips are shot. Keep up the great work and SemperFi.
• Mark W. in Franklin, TN writes:
Just letting you know that this loyal Screencaps reader is 9.28 in dog years. Or 65 in human years.
Got some miles on the chassis, but it has been (and still is) a great ride.
Thanks for all you do. Glad to be riding with you and the other great people in the SC community.
• Chris B. in Houston writes:
age check… I’m 52
• Tom F. in Charlotte, NC referenced this passage that I wrote on Wednesday:
Kinsey:
‘I knew the “wheelhouse” line from Tuesday Screencaps would raise eyebrows and it wasn’t meant as some slight to the Boomers who have helped turn this column into a daily must-read for so many red-blooded Americans who’ve been waiting for a column like this since Maxim magazine became irrelevant.’
Tom F. writes:
This paragraph from today’s column got me thinking: Where’s the ‘Boomer’ line? I was born in 1962, having turned the big 60 last summer. But, growing up, we always were told the ‘boomers’ were born in the 1950’s. So….what do you think? Is 1962 the ‘boomer’ cut-off? 1965? 1970??? And….who decides?
Thanks for your thoughts, and keep up the fine work.
Kinsey:
1946-1964 is the Boomer era, according to Wiki. My personal definition of the Boomer generation is anyone born during that period, who is now retired, that spends way too long each day bitching and moaning on local TV news Facebook accounts.
If you’re doing that, you’re a Boomer.
And that’s it. I know that’s a lot of text to read through so take your time.
Someone send me some photos to use. Speaking of photos, tomorrow we get a look at a vintage Hut in Virginia that a reader found. I think you’re going to like it.
Go have an incredible day. Enjoy the Sweet 16.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
No Orange Julius? Shame!