Hooters Karlie Invades Aspen, Christian McCaffrey Gets Engaged To Olivia Culpo & Is Greg Norman Behind The Trees Falling?

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Quick hitters before I head to the golf course to take advantage of this beautiful spring Saturday morning:

Why does it feel so good to wake up without an alarm on Saturday morning at the same time as I normally wake up with an alarm? For the last few weeks, I’ve been busting ass late on Friday night to hammer out as much of Saturday Screencaps as possible so I don’t have to wake up early on Saturday morning.

What I’ve found is that I’m so much happier not hearing that alarm, but I’m still getting up at the same time, give or take 10-15 minutes.

If you’re a scientist who has studied this part of the brain, let me know.

  • Gas prices officially have my attention — again. We were out for a Friday night drive and passed BP and I about fainted. Gas is at $3.75 and I haven’t heard a peep out of locals complaining about it because the weather is going to be so nice for the next seven days. If the current prices hold and head closer to $4, it’s going to be all-out WAR on Facebook the next time northern Ohio has a rainy day. You give people around here a rainy day and they’re going to bitch an moan about something. My money is on gas prices.
  • It looks like we’re really starting to get a handle on inflation. Just kidding! I’m sitting here this morning writing about gas prices and the local news is running a segment on dog foods up 15%. It’s not just dog food that’s still at danger from inflation. Internet investigators have even noticed that inflation/shrinkflation has hit the Southwest Airlines snack offerings.
  • I saw the news this week that starting April 10, the Mayo Clinic will drop its mask requirement “in most patient care areas.” Sounds like COVID is officially over at this point. As you’d expect, Twitter weirdos went nuts over this news.
  • Why don’t spring campfire nights get the respect that fall campfire nights receive? Take last night. It was an incredible Friday night. Beautiful sunset. No wind (in April in NW Ohio!). Temperatures hovering around 50 after dinner. Birds chirping. Summer on the horizon. And yet I couldn’t smell a single campfire from the ‘hood.
  • There’s something about the feeling of hitting the perfect jumper in the driveway while your 10-year-old son is watching. I’ve come to learn, the sound of the clean swish just sounds different when your kids are watching.
  • Pro tip: Always have a backup tee time at another golf course 30 minutes later than your first tee time. There’s always that one guy who has a kids’ soccer game to attend on a Saturday morning and the only way Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green was able to make it to golf today is because I made the backup 10:45 tee time. ALWAYS make a backup tee time! It’s 2023, these millennials demand options like they’re booking airfare.
  • I can’t tell you guys how happy I was to learn that the Masters app works on Paramount+. I’m now consuming Masters coverage at a dizzying clip. I can watch the featured groups, Amen Corner, Scott Van Pelt’s Butler’s Cabin reports and more all at the same time in the basement TV command center. God bless the folks at the Masters who make this possible with very little to any commercials.
  • Thank you, golf gods, for making sure those Augusta National trees didn’t flatten spectators. I’m still trying to process how close we were to a very, very bad 2023 Masters.
  • Cincinnati Reds update: Mark P. in Indiana told me to stop being so negative about MY Reds. I told Mark P., who said he’d pull some strings to get me Reds tickets, I’d buy my own Reds tickets if they’re less than 10 games out by June 1.
  • As of Friday night, the Reds (3-3) are 2 1/5 games out. Yes, it’s early and the Brew Crew is off to a 6-1 start, but I still expect this team to be on target for at least 10 out by June 1.

Anonymous #1, who is working as a beer pourer, checks in after round two at The Masters

• Anonymous writes:

Good Friday was about as unique and un Masters like as they come. The trees falling just seemed to put an exclamation point on it. It truly is a miracle no one was hurt. I watched the ANGC crew of about 3 dozen clean up and before I left for the shuttle for the day they already had both trees cut up and hauled away. Only the root ball was left. I’m no arboriculture expert but those trees were about 2 feet in diameter and I quit counting the rings once I hit 65. I can guarantee you by the time play resumes sometime Saturday, the ground where those trees were will look like those trees never even existed. 

I was sitting at the 17 tee box just 24 hours earlier watching the Scheffler, Rory and Speith groups tee off. Next to me was a young lady who said she was there with tickets her neighbors back home had given her. They had them for life because their dad had won the Masters one year! So, after an awkward pause waiting for her to tell me who that was, I finally had to ask. She replied Art Wall Jr, he won in 1959. His timing couldn’t have been better because after him Arnie’s army was taking over as well as the Golden bear and the man in black Gary Player. We should all be so lucky to have neighbors like that. 

As someone who has been working concessions this week at Augusta, I can vouch for your taste of the Masters spread. It is totally legit. Every item in those pictures looks like a patron just pulled it off the shelf in the concession stand. The only exception being they don’t sell the tubs of pimento cheese or egg salad. But the rest is spot on. The clear cups are what we sell the soda and tea products in. You need some green cups like what Jeff in Atlanta has. That’s what the Miller Lite (NO BUD LITE), Stella Artois and Crows Nest comes in. I should have plenty by the end of the week. If you need some let me know and I can send them. You will be the envy of your golf group. 

Speaking of beverages, I do have one bone to pick with the ANGC. On every tee box there are two green igloo coolers. They look like something from the 1970’s we have all seen on a shelf in our dad’s or grandfather’s garage. Unattractive and something we can’t even give away at a garage sale. Best used to put fish in. Not serve multi millionaire golfers. At the PGA tournament event back home, the first thing the sponsor did when they took over was to buy 2 Yeti coolers for every tee box and slap the tournament logo on it. You can put ice in those bad boys for the Tuesday pro am and it’ll still be good come Saturday morning. And this is during September in the south. AGNC must have some deep rooted long term relationship with the igloo company. If I’m a Yeti rep, I’m calling ANGC Monday and telling them we’ll get them all the green Yeti coolers they need with Masters logos on them. 

Raining and cold tonight with rain and a high of 52 forecasted for tomorrow. If I hear any birds chirping, we’ll know it’s piped in. 

• It sounds like Patrick C. from here in Perrysburg, OH made the trek to Georgia this week. He writes:

There are not enough words in the English dictionary to describe Augusta National Golf Course. My brothers and my son spent the majority of Wednesday in total awe. It’s everything they say is…and more, much more!

I picked you up a little something so if you could, just let me know where I can send it to. I know you’re here in town, but I can easily mail it to you.


Patrick, please don’t tell me you grabbed me a pine cone. These Augusta National lifers are going to DESTROY me if it’s a pine cone or grass clippings!

Hope you had a great National Beaver Day

• Mig writes:

This seems like an epic troll job by someone.  We celebrate National Beaver Day on April 7 and National Women’s Day on April 8th.  No way is this a coincidence.

The lawn mowing simulator game must’ve been on a social media algorithm heater Friday because I had multiple people alerting me to the PS5 game

• Ralph B. writes:

Official TNML video game.


I played Augusta National late last night on PGA 2K23 and let me tell you, those greens are ridiculous. I was 2-over and had several putts that were complete disasters. Is the green on No. 12 really that crazy when it’s a left pin position? It’s like hitting a tee shot and landing it on a quarter. It’s insane.

TNML divorce drama

• Ricky K writes:

Please send a TNML sticker. The ex-wife got the house, 8 acre lake with 42′ dock, 2-story treehouse with propane fireplace, beautiful curved granite patio with a pergola, (I work for a demolition company and can’t stand to see good material put in dumpsters) Bobcat sxs, and 60″ zero turn that left pretty good stripes.

I kept the wave runner she kept the mower. I retained my full Local 310 Cleveland Laborers pension and annuity, wave runner, my tools and most importantly my guns with my most recent being a flamethrower.

In 13 years when I receive my full pension at 57 years old.

I’m sure I’ll look back and say I didn’t get the shaft, she did. I have since moved across town on an 80-acre farm and downgraded slightly to a Kubota compact tractor with 60″ deck. After servicing and sharpening the blades today I cut a very small test behind the barn to make sure I’ll be ready for the TNML event of the year.

I hope all this sunshine doesn’t accelerate the green-growing process or I’ll need a brush hog. I hope the Libtards reading don’t get shocked charging their Teslas.  Go Buckeyes


I’ll be the first one from the TNML community to send out thoughts and prayers to Ricky during this difficult time. I damn near shed a tear over Ricky having to come to terms with the fact that she walked away with the motherlode — the zero-turn mower. That’s a complete kick in the gut. Yes, you can buy another zero turn but we all know Ricky had that mower dialed in. You don’t just buy another zero turn and dial it in so close to opening day.

Now, Ricky, I need you to send me an address for the sticker.

I’ll continue to say it, Hayley is one of the rising star talents at OutKick

I’ve never met Hayley in person, I can’t remember if we’ve ever conversed on the daily Zoom meeting or even Slack’d at any point since she started at OutKick, but it doesn’t matter. I’m convinced she’ll be a superstar at this operation. It’s just a matter of time.

Go follow her for more of this. You can also catch her work in Nightcaps.

That’s it. I need to make breakfast for the kids and go hit some practice putts on my way to a 101 at the course.

Have a great weekend with family celebrating Easter. I’ll see all of you Monday morning.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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