Hey Vegans, Stressed Plants 'Scream,' And You've Been Hurting Them, Study Suggests

Hey vegans, not to put you on a guilt trip (just kidding, let's put you on a horrible guilt trip that you won't be able to get out of your head), but when you sit down to eat that field greens salad, you're actually murdering plants.

Don't take my word for it. Take the word of Tel Aviv University which has studied the sounds emitted by plants when they're being murdered by vicious vegans who think they're saving the planet by their food choices, but they're actually MURDERING kale plants for the sake of a glorious smoothie.

Stop and think of the sounds that poor defenseless kale must be making as it's thrown into a blender so you can suck down a power smoothie after an exhaustive Peloton ride.

A woman stands on a small holding farmland holding a box full of freshly picked kale.

"We found that plants usually emit sounds when they are under stress and that each plant and each type of stress is associated with a specific identifiable sound," researchers from the university said in their study that was first released in 2019 and republished and peer-reviewed last week by journal Cell. "While imperceptible to the human ear, the sounds emitted by plants can probably be heard by various animals, such as bats, mice, and insects."

How are scientists picking up these sounds? they're using ultrasonic microphones placed approximately 10 centimeters from the plants and the plants are returning sounds up to 20 to 250 kilohertz.

Stop and think about what this means, vegans.

Meat might be murder as you keep saying, but you've been murdering huge fields of green. Let the cries of those plants run through your mind.

"Unstressed plants emitted less than one sound per hour, on average while the stressed plants – both dehydrated and injured – emitted dozens of sounds every hour,” Tel Aviv researcher Lilach Hadany added.

Fresh green raw vegetables and herbs spaghetti zucchini. white radish. green paprika. ice salad for cooking vegan dinner salad. Top view. close up. (Photo by: Natasha Breen/REDA&CO/Universal Images Group via Getty Images)

"Apparently, an idyllic field of flowers can be a rather noisy place," Hadany said. "It's just that we can't hear the sounds."

New research suggests that humans could use artificial intelligence to monitor crops to learn when the plants are crying out for help, according to Live Science.

"Could plants potentially respond adaptively to the sounds of their drought-stressed or injured neighbors? We suggest that more investigation in the plant bioacoustics field, and particularly in the ability of plants to emit and react to sounds under different conditions and environments, may reveal a pathway of signaling between plants and their environment," the researchers conclude.

Let's cut to the chase here: The next time a vegan starts screaming about how you should be eating a Smart Burger or Beyond Hot Dog or whatever they're calling these plant-based concoctions, you need to bring up this post and throw it back in the vegan's face.

Remind them plants have emotions and they've been cruelly killing plants to live their virtuous lives.

Watch them wilt.