Joe Kinsey
Videos by OutKick
Hasbro, which brought you the Mr. Potato Head drama in February, has unleashed its Diversity & Inclusion department on yet another mission to save the world, and this time, Monopoly is the target. The toymaker announced Thursday that it would modernize Monopoly’s Community Chest Cards to reflect modern society.
“Covering topics like beauty contests, holiday funds, and life insurance, there is no denying the Monopoly game’s Community Chest Cards are long overdue for a refresh,” the company said in a statement. “And, coming out of the tumultuous year of 2020, the term ‘community’ has taken on a whole new meaning. Hasbro is counting on their fans to help reflect what community means in their real lives, into the Monopoly game, by voting for new cards like ‘Shop Local,’ ‘Rescue A Puppy’ or ‘Help Your Neighbors.’”
That’s right, folks. Beauty contests are so out in 2021. If you want beauty, go to Instagram, you fools! Did you really think a “Go to jail” card would fly in the woke era? Think again! That said, do you think “Collect $50 from every player” will be kicked to the curb? That’s highly unlikely.
“The world has changed a lot since Monopoly became a household name more than 85 years ago, and clearly today community is more important than ever,” Eric Nyman, Chief Consumer Officer at Hasbro, added in the company press release. “We felt like 2021 was the perfect time to give fans the opportunity to show the world what community means to them through voting on new Community Chest Cards. We’re really excited to see what new cards get voted in!”
Suggestions:
- Started a BLM riot, burned down an entire city, don’t go to jail
- You are assessed an extra government stimmy
- GME stock goes to the moon, collect $6,900, but then donate it to a BLM because it’s the right thing to do
- Collect $1,000 from every player that makes over $100k a year
- Saved the butterflies, collect a year’s supply of meatless burgers
That’s all I could come up with off the top of my head. Needless to say, this is going to turn into a radio show host’s dream situation when he/she starts taking suggestions. This is the kind of fun we get when Hasbro unleashes its Diversity and Inclusion department.
Modern society is a corpse, modernism itself is a heresy…and monopoly will go broke.
-Plant a tree and watch it set California on fire
-Grow a pair of tits and collect $50
-Move to Boardwalk and collect a white privilege tax from the owner
…wow, I sound just like an asshole. Seems easy enough
Are they adding Section 8 Housing?
Lifetime supply of Soy Milk
Have a baby & collect $1,000 from each player, along with Park Place and Boardwalk from whoever owns it.
Those suggestions are some funny shiznit sadly true though lol
“Like the wrong post on social media, and lose 95% of your wealth and assets.”
“Sit through diversity training while being called a racist by a stranger. Keep job for one more round.”
“Hire several liberal arts majors. Close down three hotels.”
“Owning a home is racist. Mortgages on all properties increases by 50%.”
Defend yourself against a BLM mob, keep life, lose everything else.
Have 10 illegitimate kids, collect 10K from all players, 15K if they roll their eyes.
Make meek objection to kneeling for the National Anthem, spend rest of game giving all assets to offended players.
How much money can one make by saving a puppy? Here is a suggestion for Hasbro: “sit at home, do not move, get $1400”.
Sad that this game is being “wokefied” when in reality kids (and adults) can learn valuable lessons from the game about investing, charging rent, and not over-leveraging themselves.
‘Funded by foreign oligarch to promote disarray in your nation…so that foreign oligarch can profit off it’…collect 1500 dollars.
There are some good suggestions here!………Joe, of all the suggestions, great as they are, I laughed the most at yours: “Started a BLM riot, burned down an entire city, don’t go to jail”. I love that one! I wish I could come up with something off top of my head as good as some of posts here.
Antifa cracks your head with a bat, pay emergency room $3,000
But Obamacare fixed all that — everyone’s got insurance, their premiums were cut in half, and they all got to keep their favorite doctor (unless it’s Herr Doktor Fauci-Mengele, who no one wants to keep).
I’ll make sure to keep ours in mint condition to sell for thousands on the black market…. meanwhile they won’t be able to give away new sets…..
“Look smug when a Native American is standing in front of you, collect $10M from CNN”
“Mural is painted in your honor after resisting arrest while high, collect $90M”
“Squat in a house for the rest of the game, pay no rent on any owned property you land on”
“Advance to Free Parking and set up autonomous zone. Receive $100 from each player when they pass by”
Imagine how the Game of Life will be overhauled. That will really be scary.
What if the injun turns out to be Liawatha, who’s really not?
Hasbroke. Soon.
The suggestions are great. Perhaps someone on here will start their own paradoxical versions of “woke” board games. That is an idea in which I would invest.
Join the military, collect $20k from each player for your gender reassignment surgery.
I looked up the word WOKE on Google. The “new” definition is:
an Adjective….. Alert to injustice in society, especially racism. Used in a sentence:
“We need to stay angry and stay woke.”
How sad………
Maryland is Woke like a drunk.
https://m.washingtontimes.com/news/2021/mar/20/maryland-senate-unanimously-votes-repeal-state-son/
*draws card from the deck*
“Mandatory gun buyback program. Collect $700 dollars and forfeit your safety.”
When this happens, I hope I get asked to play it so I can tell them to kiss my ass.
Remember the run on the Dr. Seuss books that were canceled and what people were charging for them? Well, better buy the original Monopoly now before the price skyrockets on the all-time favorite board game.