Halle Berry Celebrates Her Birthday, John Daly Enjoys A Quiet Day At Hooters & Tigers Kid Loses His Hot Dog

I hate to be overly dramatic, but summer is officially over & it’s officially time for me to hunker down

As we emerged from the northern Michigan woods (yes, again) after one final golf & canoeing trip into God’s country, it hit me — summer is officially officially over. Our kids start school this week. College football starts August 27. There are NFL Gauntlet drafts to manage. There are final projects around the house to complete before football season.

It didn’t take long after returning home from the golf/canoe bender to know it’s time to get serious. Mrs. Screencaps started firing off this week’s schedule, meet the teacher appointments, how we’re going to handle drop-offs/pickups and what supplies she needs to make sure the kids are ready to rock.

Meanwhile, I was literally hours removed from 36 holes of golf and 22 miles of canoeing while consuming IPAs, Jello shots, Busch Lights and beef jerky.

Weekend observations and analysis:

• Things get wild when you’re golfing at Garland Resort in Lewiston, MI during an annual Beaver Open where at least 40 women hold their golf outing and they’re ripping shots, controlling the patio bar sound system, and pretty much forcing the tiki bar to stay open an hour later than normal to keep the shots coming.

• Seriously, they called it the Beaver Open. There was a woman partying in a beaver costume. The ladies had beaver calls that sounded more like turkey calls. There were beaver shirts. Let’s just say these women ranging in age from 25 to 60 loved their beaver-themed party.

• This wasn’t some angry beaver party. We’re talking the easiest-going beavers ever. These beavers were there to party, throw around money and crush golf balls.

One of the Beaver Open participants / Photo: Joe Kinsey

• The grounds at the Garland resort were nice; the bunkers were bad; the goose crap was ridiculous. Why aren’t the bunkers maintained at a resort that used to be northern Michigan’s only four-star resort? A ranger told us they don’t have the staffing to maintain what feels like hundreds of bunkers spread out over four 18-hole courses. The same ranger was mad that he had to empty course trash cans — due to a lack of staffing.

The grounds and lack of cellphone service made Garland a very nice final weekend of summer stop / Photo: Joe Kinsey

• It’s nice to see bald eagles gliding overhead while you’re standing over a wedge you’re about to hit into a pond. There’s water on 15 or 16 of 18 holes on the Swampfire course.

• I’m not sure who will be buying $800k-$900k golf course houses in the middle of nowhere northern Michigan when the retirees and their corporate pensions fade off. I’m going to need a house of that caliber to be on a lake and not on the 10th hole with bunkers that haven’t been touched this summer.

• I was 2-0 on preseason NFL bets; 0-2 on scratch-offs. Can’t win ’em all. Now I’ll happily go back to ignoring the gambling world for several months.

• There’s still something about heading out on the Au Sable River and cracking open that first Busch Light. It’s just a different sound.

• There’s something about the first touch of the Au Sable’s healing waters. It’s the best stress-reliever I’ve found. Stop with the weed gummies and dip your feet in the Au Sable. You’ll sleep like a rock.

• The weather wasn’t great. 68 and cloudy with pockets of drizzle wasn’t ideal for swimming and that was a major disappointment.

• We flipped once. I’m being blamed for leaning too far left in eight inches of water. It happens. I was probably cracking open a Busch Light and the force rattled off the pines sent us over. That’s my story going forward.

• The best spaghetti of the year is the spaghetti I consume at the lodge after getting off the river. It just hits different.

• Which one of you did this? Talk about a beacon of light as we were about to jump on I-75 back to civilization. Couldn’t believe my eyes.

Screencaps fill-in

• JT writes:

Just wanted to say I thought Sean did good with the column yesterday. A few good laughs with tasteless yet artful tweets and proven winners in the IG girls department. I guess all it takes to score at this point is not having to use a gallon of saline to get “Texas Thighs” washed out of my eyes.

The heart of Screencaps is people having fun and being awesome. The writing and letters are regular folks doing so and the eye candy is beautiful and/or famous people doing so. 

Kinsey: Any other reviews of Sean Jo’s work while I was gone? Should I be permanently replaced? You guys say the word.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com    

I’m actually going to push for more OutKick writers to take a spin at Screencaps. It’s the perfect place to make things way less robotic for writers.

And that’s it for this Monday morning. It’s back to the grind time. Tomorrow morning I will have the full Gauntlet rules written out. I promised then for Tuesday morning and I will deliver.

Let’s go have a great day across this incredible country we get to call home.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com   

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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