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Gwyneth Paltrow Adds Horny Pills To Her Vagina & ‘Smells Like My Orgasm’ Candle Business

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Gwyneth Paltrow and her horny candle business, Goop, are back with a new plan to help people have more sex and this time they’re getting in the vegan & gluten-free pill business. The makers of “This Smells Like My Orgasm” and “This Smells Like My Vagina” candles announced that it is now selling DTF pills as a “supplement to support women’s sexual desire, arousal and mood.”

That’s right, “Down to F–k” pills to go along with the ‘O’ and vagina candles. Ladies, Gwyneth Paltrow is giving you all the tools necessary to stop using excuses like “it’s been a long week,” or “I had too much queso at dinner.”

Now all you have to do is pop this pill sold by Paltrow’s company and you’ll be “down to f–k.” That’s right, just that easy.

“It’s not just about sex: It’s about supporting our pursuit of more pleasure, more often. And yes, we chose to name it DTF. It can be a joke we share,” Paltrow said in the press release. “We’re not ashamed to say we wanted help shifting our sex drive into gear. And we also know we’re not alone — everyday stress and anxiety, hormonal fluctuations and fatigue can all impact female libido and sexual health.”

BOOM, pop a DTF and it’s ON!

What’s in these DTFs that turn women from I just want to wrap up with a blanket after margs and chimichangas and into a horny housewife? The Goop team says they’ve combined Libifem fenugreek extract, shatavari and saffron extract into the DTF pill. These horny pills will cost between $50 and $55 and users are told to take two pills a day for two months for optimal horniness.

It’s not clear how horny a housewife will be after two months of pumping the extracts into their bloodstream, but clearly, they should be DTF at some point along the journey. Results will vary, but “consistency is the key,” according to Goop’s PR team.

Think about where we have come as a society. Women used to be DTF after going to a Rod Stewart show. Women used to be DTF via a 1978 Camaro and Bad Company pumping through the tape deck. And, according to the movies, women typically were DTF after a night of stargazing on the hood of a 1977 Chevy Malibu that had a hood the size of a king-size bed.

Now a pill can do the work of a guy who used to go through the trouble of buying flowers, making a romantic dinner, mowing the lawn, and acting like he didn’t mind missing a key football game in order to spend time with his wife or girlfriend.

But will women really use a DTF pill? Or do they really want that alone time on the couch with a good book on a tablet? At $50 for a 60-pill bottle (that’s the subscription price!) it feels like Gwyneth has her marketing work cut out for her on this one.

It should be interesting to see which Instagram influencers are chosen to promote the horny pills and the horny reviews to come.

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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