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There’s something about having the pain-in-the-ass, massive tree on the patio trimmed up & off the garage roof

Imagine my excitement when the tree trimmer guy called Tuesday with temps soaring into the low 90s to tell me he had an opening and was on his way to start hacking limbs off this massive tree right off my patio that provides incredible shade, but too much shade. Over at least the past three weeks, I’ve watched the limbs practically grow by the day and droop onto the garage roof and the second story of the house. Meanwhile, I was at the mercy of the company with an extended boom that would be needed to reach the spots needing cut.

Then Haiden, a Marine veteran, showed up with his team, got up in the lift and started shaping. And more shaping. Analyzing. Going over the game plan with me. Strategizing. More cutting. Analyzing. Limbs down. The grounds crew quickly moving said limbs. Haiden was up in the bucket for several hours taking his time, but then it was time to climb. Up he went into the monster to hack more limbs. After all was said and done, the treasured plants around the tree suffered minimal damage, but we’re left with a 3-4 year window before Haiden will need to come back to do a much more minor trim job.

The boys will need to come on back today to give a tree out front a trim and thin job, but I made sure to send them home with a special to-go present as a thank you for busting ass in the blazing heat to get that horrible patio tree cleaned up. You should’ve seen the grounds crew guy, who told me he got out of college and went into owning rental properties to go along with his tree trimming work, smile when I handed him those Bud Lights to crush on his patio last night. Lest we forget, these are the young, able bodies who keep this country ticking.

You guys know the tree trimming world is filled with some real morons. It was refreshing Tuesday to not have to deal with such idiocy. I’m fairly certain I have my tree trimming guys for the next decade. That’s a huge relief.

• I see the latest outrage by the coronabros is over the Tokyo Olympics and how you just can’t hold these Games. Uh, the Games are happening. Do you morons realize just how much money is wrapped up in these two weeks of TV coverage? The guy who said there was a COVID Cat 5 hurricane that was going to hit the U.S. in April, Michael Osterholm, is now one of those who are saying there are problems with athlete safety. This is all they’re left with now that the U.S. is wide open and moving on with life. Don’t worry, the opening ceremony will happen July 23.

• Welp, Amazon bought the MGM film library for $8.45 billion. That’s over 4,000 movies including 12 Angry Men, Basic Instinct, Creed, James Bond, Legally Blonde, Moonstruck, Poltergeist, Raging Bull, Robocop, Rocky, Silence of the Lambs, Stargate, Thelma & Louise, Tomb Raider, The Magnificent Seven, The Pink Panther, The Thomas Crown Affair. We’re talking movies with 180 Academy Awards. Now I’m going to need Amazon to buy my Cincinnati Reds and Bengals. Please make my franchises great. I’m begging.

• Did you see Anthony Davis extend his leg and kick Jae Crowder in the nuts last night? I’m assuming 15% of you saw that one. Prayers to Crowder as his nuts recover. That had to hurt bad. 

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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