French Police Stop 81-Person Orgy For Breaking COVID Rules

UK newspaper The Independent is reporting this week that a wild 81-person warehouse orgy outside Paris was broken up by police because people taking part were breaking COVID rules, specifically the curfew rules that are in place in France.

Now, you're probably wondering why an 81-person orgy isn't being broken up due to social distancing violations. That's a great question. The key to cracking open this case seems to be that the police had a smoother path towards busting into the orgy warehouse based on people not being at home. The country is in the middle of a 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. curfew, and the orgy warehouse was pumping along with a sound system and lighting in use.

One thing leads to another, and the cops are forcing their way into the warehouse to start handing out curfew fines. "The event was in breach of the curfew, and there were also problems with masks and social distancing," an investigator told the outlet.

Right, chief!

As expected, this isn't the first COVID European orgy to be busted. Back in December, a Belgian gay bar orgy was in the headlines, and one participant tried to escape through a gutter, French newspaper Le Parisien reported. "A man, who tried to escape through a gutter, confessed to being a Hungarian MEP. "The man's hands were bloody, it is possible that he was injured during his flight, noted the Brussels public prosecutor's office," the Parisien report reads.

There has to be some sort of solution to all this. Waivers? Orgy vaccine passports? Orgy & quarantine declarations from participants? Just think of the movies that will be winning Academy Awards in 2028. I'm thinking a multi-year run out of underground French orgy movies where you can't understand a single word being spoken and you can't concentrate on the closed captioning because there's a huge 100-person orgy busting out on the 100" screen on your wall.

Call me crazy all you want, but don't think for a second there's not some screenwriter out there daydreaming of holding that trophy for writing up a screenplay depicting an underground orgy where participants have to hide all of it from the ruthless French COVID police.

Emmanuelle: Sensuel Orgie sounds about right. Boom, Academy Award.