Four Loko Opens Up A Can On White Claw As Beverage Battle Heats Up

What a week it was in the seltzer world where White Claw announced it would be releasing a 16-ouncer featuring 8% alcohol by volume. That got the attention of Four Loko, which had been enjoying its life on top as the big dogs in the seltzer/malt beverage alcohol by volume leaderboard, and they let White Claw know about it.

“There is one imposter among us,” Loko announced on Twitter where it’s easy to see that fists could fly at any moment over this news that the Claw is inching up the ABV leaderboard. While suburban moms used to get lit on 5% Claw rocket fuel, the game changed as the beverage brand announced the new ‘Surge’ that will soon be hitting the shelves.

“Our fans have an insatiable desire for new flavors from White Claw® and that’s exactly what we are delivering just in time for summer,” said John Shea, Chief Marketing Officer for the Claw stated in a press release. “We know some consumers are looking for a higher alcohol option from White Claw, and that’s what White Claw Hard Seltzer Surge delivers.”

While Four Loko is clearly looked upon as the trailer trash of the seltzer market, Claw pumping up the ABV while maintaining its crushability street cred should cause problems at those backyard barbeques where Holly and Trish get four deep and they’re seeing stars.

This is going to present a problem for the husbands out there who must be on the lookout for their wives pounding the Surge. It’s going to be a real problem. They’re going to see Claw on the can and think it’s just some new flavor. The next thing you know, Trish is going to get nuts in the pool and cause a scene.

Please have a talk with your wives and girlfriends, fellas. Explain to them that Four Loko has its trailer trashed reputation for a reason and how things get sideways fast when you start toying around at this ABV. Remember the Florida woman who told cops “they’re only 5%”? Yeah, now she’s about to be drinking 8% pounders.

Take Gabriel’s word for it. She knows the trouble that’s brewing for the women out there who are about to get sideways.

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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  1. “While Four Loko is clearly looked upon as the trailer trash of the seltzer market, Claw pumping up the ABV while maintaining its crushability street cred should cause problems at those backyard barbeques where Holly and Trish get four deep and they’re seeing stars.”

    😂😂😂😂😂

    • Holy….crap… Cougars, we all know what those are… and read the outkick earlier about the bobcat…. but I can see it now, total frat move, “dude, is she a coug or a bobcat? whatev, i’m still hitting it, i’m four claws deep in that!”

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