Dan Campbell Wastes No Time Going Balls To The Walls In Detroit

New Lions head coach Dan Campbell has two things on his mind when his team takes the field in September: kick ass and eat some kneecaps. Campbell, a 44-year-old tough as nails Texan has been put in charge of restoring the roar in Detroit, and he pulled no punches with the blue collar, head north to the hunting cabin on weekends crowd that has been desperate for a no-nonsense ass-kicker to come in and get results.

How did Dan get the job?

“I told my agent Rick Smith, make sure they think I’m [Iowa State head coach] Matt Campbell. I think that’s how this has really worked out for me,” Dan told reporters on his introductory Zoom call.

How does Dan see his team performing on Sundays? Balls to the walls. Keep biting kneecaps. Take no prisoners. Leave no doubt. Play like it’s your final time on the field. Don’t let up.

What CDs are in Dan Campbell's Chevy 1500 extended cab?

— Joe Kinsey (@JoeKinseyexp) January 21, 2021

What about needing excellence at the quarterback position? “The short answer is ‘No.’ But your odds go up when you do,” Dan said. So what’s he think of Matthew Stafford? “He’s a stud. He’s one of the toughest quarterbacks you’ll ever see.”

What about the current roster? “Let’s call a spade a spade: There’s probably more pieces offensively than defensively that have me fired up.”

What about those blue collars? What’s he going to do for them? “I want to galvanize this city.”

“I wanted this job bad,” Campbell told the media. “Because I felt like I knew this community. I know that Detroit’s made up of good people. The community is strong. This place has been kicked, battered, and bruised.”

So far, so good for Dan Campbell in Detroit. He’s saying all the right things. Now he just has to figure out how to beat Aaron Rodgers and a few other teams. Do that and they’ll build a statue of this man in that city. On it will be a plaque with just one word: “kneecaps.”