Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Celebrate Victory Monday, NFL Fans Spill Blood At Multiple Stadiums & Jimbo Needs To Shave

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I didn’t want the day to start out like this, but it has to be addressed right out of the gate

No, I’m not starting with MY 0-2 Bengals.

Let’s start by saying congratulations to Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green who survived the half Ironman in Frankfort, MI on Sunday just weeks after I was with him and witnessed this animal sucking down a ridiculous amount of beers before the National Tractor Pull in BG.

He sat through that tractor pull as those 20k horsepower beasts were belching black smoke and probably gave the guy black lung disease. Three weeks later he goes out and survives a HALF IRONMAN in six hours and change.

That’s an athletic accomplishment that we need to celebrate around here.

Now for the unfortunate news. I didn’t want to bring it up and Canoe Kirk said on the group text that this could cause fireworks, but it has to be addressed because I’m an open book with the readers of this column.

Millennial Chris B. in Bowling Green finished behind the worst transportation secretary in the history of the U.S. government, Pete Buttigieg.

And now I’m blaming myself, Canoe Kirk and Diesel for this disaster. We PUSHED HARD for a big group bash for the tractor pull and now I’m feeling like we are responsible for throwing Chris B. off his training regimen and it cost our boy a finish behind Mayor Pete. We PUSHED HARD for Chris B. to go HARD on the northern Michigan golf trip way back in June when he could’ve been in the lab working to take down Mayor Pete.

This was a big wakeup call for the text group. One minute you’re having a great time, suckin’ down cold ones at a backyard party, joking about Millennial Chris B. losing focus during training (not going to lie, I didn’t even know he was training and it’s possible he didn’t really train for it) and now the entire group has this L hanging over its head.

All that said, there are rumors Mayor Pete had some $14,000 bike at his disposal and it might’ve been the secret weapon (funded by the U.S. government?????) to beating our boy, but this is not the time for excuses from the text group.

The text group needs to look in the mirror and that starts today and figure out how we can do better.

It turns out you can go home again

Sunday, I was back in the Dayton area playing golf for the first time in like two decades — seriously — and doing it at a fundraiser for my high school baseball team.

Here we thought our 16-under score — with use of string and one mulligan per player — was fairly good, and it was good enough for a 7th place finish out of 24 teams, wasn’t even remotely good enough to beat the 25-under that won the whole thing.

I’m told it was the school superintendent’s team that carded a 25-under 47 on a course that isn’t exactly a muni track.

All I’m going to say is I need video footage of the round these guys played on a course that hasn’t seen a drop of water in two months from the look of things.

Takeaways from the round:

  1. I had a blast which is key.
  2. The food made by the baseball moms was amazing. Four Crocks of mac & cheese after a long day of golf was an awesome touch.
  3. I’d never seen such a long birdie string. It must’ve been 10-foot. We had a respectable amount of legit birdies so we didn’t feel like complete losers with the string.
  4. It was awesome to see guys I haven’t seen, in some cases, over 25 years.
  5. It was also awesome to have my old friends busting my balls for the first time in like 25 years. It’s amazing how guys don’t miss a beat.
  6. All golf courses should have a dog as cool as Kai, I believe that’s what they were calling him.

Not joking, I literally laughed out loud upon opening this email

• Mike N. writes:

I opted for a quick jog along the river at noon today while visiting Naperville (instead of watching the impending doom of my Illini) and came across this. Three photographers all a few feet away? I don’t get it…


This reminds me of like 10 years ago when the Indianapolis Colts were shooting a calendar from a creek that ran along Jim Irsay’s property. The water looked disgusting and it was the least appealing shoot ever. It also reminds me of the time the Colts cheerleaders did a shoot on driftwood along the Ohio River.

Get those shots, fellas!

High school football IS BACK?

• Mike T. sent along a story from the Wall Street Journal that indicates high school football numbers are on the rebound.

If I had a dollar for every emailer who has told me that Oktoberfest starts during the U.S. summer I wouldn’t have to get up and do this column on a daily basis…I’d be retired right now

• Jim M. in West Lafayette, IN writes:

I appreciate your dedication to summer – I will be making salsa today, which is a very summer time activity (and I do it at scale – lol! – at least a small scale, about 75-100 pints a year). It makes January and February seem a whole lot warmer when you open one up.

I should note that Octoberfest beers are not for starting in October or even fall. September is the beginning of the Octoberfest season, in fact the granddaddy of Octoberfest celebrations in Munich starts today (Sep 16). I’m a beer aficionado – perhaps even a little bit of a snob – but I couldn’t let it pass in your quest for respecting summer. Now in fairness, I did have to replace an empty keg at my 6 tap basement bar at the end of August, and SAO Octoberfest was the winner. For that August transgression I do apologize! 


YES, I understand the Germans have their thing going on over in Bavaria and they’re suckin’ down giant mugs of beer. Guys, I follow Bavarian Beauties on Instagram for content purposes, I know when Oktoberfest starts.

You can still Repect Summer and Respect Oktoberfest. This Saturday, fall starts. Oktoberfest is still going strong. You’ll be fine celebrating like 2-3 weeks of Oktoberfest after Respecting Summer.

Speaking of Respecting Summer

• Harvey D. from the North Shore writes:

So I have already had the “talk” with the Mrs. D 2.0  about no Fall deco before 23 Sept. So far, so good. ( Pouring one out for Diesel) The bag of autumnal Gnomes is still fighting for air in the back of the yukie! 

Anyhoo…. Sept 17 2023 she says let’s get the boat out. OK, I am game. Trip out and back, yada,yada….Ok. 

Let’s go that way around the island, she said. Ok. I steer and drink beer, Princess points and I make it go that way. As long as you are out there who cares. Out past the Miller dock, past the Benson Ford, lake is stupid calm. Enjoy it. Silly season is done. We motor into the Bay(Put in Bay) grab a dock, and to Frosty’s we go! 

Grab a pizza and some beverages, my beloved Bungals and the Motown Shitty Kitties are on the screens!! Nirvana on a Summer Sunday! Yes the switch on the wall still says SUMMER!!!!!  So I would have to say it’s still Summer! (Take note Screencaps authors!!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!)ITS SUMMER!

Crowds are smaller and of the “I can get tore up without being a total idiot!” (LOOKING AT YOU Y,Z,MILLENNIUM) you get the drift. 

Anyhoo, pizza gone, drinks gone, back out to enjoy the Lake. Off to West Bay!!  Lil trip from one island to another and we wind up a SUMMER day!!!  Yes they shoot a cannon off at sunset every day. 

Grab every last day you can! Tomorrow is promised to no one. Stretch those seasons as long as you can, even the shitty ones. You hasten the change of seasons at your own peril, take the time to dwell upon the days you are given, embrace them, make the most of them. Push the hands back, not shove them forward. The cold chill will be here too soon. 

Respect summer and the hummingbirds

• J.B.S. writes:

Our rule is no fall decorations until these guys have fueled up and are gone.


• John from SD writes:

I lost the battle, see pictures below! (Was gone for the day). Not so sorry about your Bungles but I wished they would have beat the Ravens! Go Browns, 2-0 on Monday night!

Detroit character

• John in Milford, MI writes:

I know you are often looking for new topics, challenges, etc and I think I have a good one for you the next time you decide to throw something out there. Can anyone match the character of these four HOF level athletes from the four major sports that played at the same time in one city?

Joe Dumars (Detroit Pistons 1985-1999)

Alan Trammell (Detroit Tigers 1977-1996)

Barry Sanders (Detroit Lions 1989-1998)

Steve Yzerman (Detroit Red Wings 1983-2006)

Whether it was Barry handing the ball to the ref after scoring a ridiculous TD or Michael Jordan praising Dumars’ defense despite his hatred for the Bad Boys, these four guys were universally respected. I don’t remember any emotional displays or childish outbursts from any of them. Just cool competence and consistent play at a high level. And keep in mind all four played for just one team their entire career.

I would be interested in seeing if anyone can come up with a comparable group from any other place/time.


There are 13 cities that have all four major sports, so if you root for teams in one of those cities, have at it. I’m out on this one.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Love or hate U2, this is pretty wild to see on a random Saturday night in September as people are trying to watch the Colorado game

That’s it for this Monday morning as we head towards the end of a glorious summer with 80-degree days on the way. The sun is sorta out and the birds are chirping away. Let’s go have another incredible week of life and get better.

We must not let Mayor Pete beat us again.

Take care.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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