Yanet Garcia Is All About Fitness This Fall, Sad Packers Fans Are Down In The Dumps & Dana White Reveals That He's Shredded
I try to stay positive about where we're heading as a nation, but now I'm starting to think we've officially lost our way
Someone please defend pumpkin spice bird food because my Google research tells me this is completely unnecessary and the birds are going to start demanding the scent of Autumn Leaves® Yankee Candles wafting out of suburban houses where pumpkin spice birdseed is plentiful.
Do we really want birds screaming their heads off at the Marvin backdoor for more pumpkin spice seed and for Keri to light the Blood Orange Pumpkin Yankee Candle?
Americans are playing with fire. 60 years ago, Alfred Hitchcock tried to warn us what would happen if you guys keep screwing around with birds. Throw the pumpkin spice bird food in the trash.
Trust me, it's for the best.
YES, that says "Small Batch."
I have no energy for Respect Fall after my exhausting Respect Summer campaign against the local TV weather nerds, but you better believe if retail assholes (excluding Costco because I may want a job down the road) start trying this stuff in Summer, this column will be all over them
• Tyler E. writes:
How about Academy Sports in Houston already putting this nonsense out!!!
Kinsey:
It's this type of behavior that will make people join the Respect Summer campaign. The retail giants doing this stuff is playing right into my hands.
VR Golf (#notsponsored)
• Marty M. writes:
Hey Joe, hope this finds you well. Just a quick question about your VR golf. Which game is it you play and do just use the controller or do you have one of those half clubs I've seen on Amazon?
Kinsey:
I play GOLF+ on Meta Quest.
Right now I'm using the controller, but I want to take my game to the next level this winter by purchasing the half club and really dialing in my game which is ranked somewhere around #108,672 in the world after a decent week on the virtual links.
I never know what to tell Mrs. Screencaps to get me for Christmas. Not this year...get the half club.
Full disclosure: #notsponsored one bit...however, if GOLF+ is reading this, you could throw me a bone and open up a couple of those $9.99 courses so I can test them.
Woodpiles for Tim the new OutKick guy who suggested a wood stacking league which just wouldn't have the same weekly vibe as TNML
• Keith M. writes:
Not sophisticated but all split my hand, which is my stress reliever. 4 places…
• John in Milford, MI writes:
Here is a photo of my woodpile. I was inspired to do the circular stack by previous Screencaps features. 8’ diameter x 4’ high. Split it myself by hand this spring. Tree came down last year, so it’s only had one year of seasoning. One more to go before I start using this particular pile (two if I am feeling German).
Kinsey:
Thursday, I decided to check in with Jack whose father-in-law has been stacking wood for decades.
• Jack G. replied:
Well, this year he is slowing down a bit at 94 and will run more propane in his furnace than the wood boiler. But he will have a small pile to play around with.
Can you trade Gauntlet teams?
This only makes sense for the readers who have been around since 2022 and heard all about the NFL Gauntlet leagues where eight guys (or ladies) pick four NFL teams and then the person with the most total wins out of his/her four teams wins the pot.
• John E. writes:
Huge thank you to whoever invented this gem and to you for bringing the gauntlet concept into the greater universe. I lassoed in a group and it’s been a resounding success for a few years now. Have you come across any thoughts on midseason team trading? It was floated on our text chain and I found it to be potentially interesting. I hesitate to tweak the seemingly perfect gauntlet but I thought I’d ask.
Along with the satisfaction of bragging rights and cold hard cash, the winner gets this beautiful beer fridge magnet:
Kinsey:
John, it's your league. If you want to trade for the Vikings because Kirk always goes on a run to .500 by the end of the season, propose it with your fellow Gauntlet opponents.
Keep in mind the Falcons have a soft schedule (.405 winning %). That's who I'm targeting in a trade right now. The Colts could also be a sleeper down the stretch with a soft schedule that includes two games against the pretty much dead Tennessee Titans.
But the Falcons have that top-10 rushing attack that should come in handy down the stretch. Trade accordingly.
70s Streakers
• James S. writes:
I do miss the change of season here in the Houston metroplex. Another 98 deg day. I also miss the conversion into fall weather that you are experiencing in Ohio.
While working from my garage office in Pearland Texas the ball boy from the STL/MIL caught my eye. The ball boy immediately reminded me of a 70's streaker. So I Googled 70's streaker and came up with this gem. Perhaps "Meatball" from Philadelphia could apply as I see they are hiring.
That dumbass getting hit with 6 felonies brought a smile to my face. I hope responsible prosecutores enforce it. Enjoy the weekend!
Retiring on your team
• Rick G. Down East on the 'Pike (which means he lives east of me on the Ohio Turnpike) writes:
In regards to people quitting their teams due to losing-cry me a river. Try being a Cleveland sports fan with two championships since 1964. Try enduring the following:
· The Drive.
· The Fumble.
· The Shot (the Michael Jordan version).
· The 1997 World Series.
· One swing away in the 2016 World Series to end a title drought since 1948 (now the longest in MLB). That team had only two starters (Kluber and Tomlin) because Carrasco had his hand broken on a comebacker and Bauer decided to play with a drone with sharp edges. I guess that was minor considering what Mr. Bauer is going through now.
· The Cleveland Browns moving followed by a Ravens Super Bowl a few years later.
· Professional football a rumor in many seasons since the Browns return in 1999.
· Losing 3 NBA Finals to the Dubs with the first one due to an injury ravaged team then the last two because three Hall of Famers (Steph Curry, Draymond Green and Klay Thompson) were not enough to beat LeBron and Company so they added Kevin Durant (to I guess in their eyes, to make it fair).
· LeBron leaving twice.
Humor can help as our youth baseball team trip to Cooperstown in the summer of 2016 did allow for me to introduce myself and say I was from Cleveland, the City of Champions. When I was questioned about that I was able to respond with:
Cleveland Cavaliers NBA Champions
Lake Erie Monsters Calder Cup Winners
Stipe Miocic UFC Heavyweight Champion
Michael Symon Iron Chef Champion
Aside from San Diego and Buffalo, I am not sure what fan base has suffered more.
• Michael from Ponte Vedra Beach FL by way of Cleveland, Toledo, Pittsburgh and Chicago, writes:
I quit on the woke Cleveland Indians once they became Guardians. Wasn’t too difficult. Baseball, while highly tactical and strategic, is like watching a glacier inching its way along. Side story: While my family and I were stationed in Chiraq on a work relocation I was charged with hosting German business guests to an outing at Comiskey Park (not sure what it’s known as now and don’t care, the place is a latrine).
This German colleague had never experienced MLB or baseball at all in his life. I suggested he pay attention to the top of the first inning and then ask questions. After watching the home team take the field, proceed to put in a 1-2-3 inning and race back to the dugout my German friend was perplexed stating “I have never seen a sport where the players run to the field, stand around for ten minutes while two of them play catch, then all sprint back to the bench, I need more beer”. Sums it up pretty fairly.
• Ken S. writes:
Enjoy reading screencaps on a regular basis. As a fellow Midwesterner, I appreciate your common sense approach to many topics. Common sense - something many of our fellow citizens seem to be sorely lacking these days!
Regarding quitting your hometown teams, it's a tough subject. In most cases, I think it is pretty hard. Probably impossible if you continue to live in the same place where you grew up as you progress into adulthood.
I grew up in Dearborn, MI as a Detroit Lions fan and I can tell you with absolute certainty the day I quit the team. Draft Day - 1983. With the 13th pick, the Detroit Lions selected James Jones, running back from Florida. Leaving future Hall of Fame quarterbacks Jim Kelly and Dan Marino on the board, as well as Ken O'Brien. I guess because, you know, Eric Hipple was so awesome that they definitely did not need to upgrade the QB position!
On hearing the pick, I immediately proclaimed "That is it! I have had it! Russ Thomas is a frigging moron who has no intention of ever getting better. And I am done with this team!" And that was it - and I never looked back.
I moved out of state for my freshman year of college that Fall and after the summer before junior year, I've never been resident in my home state for more than a couple weeks at a time. And with lack of internet and other media sources, it was much easier to go cold turkey during that time.
I still hold a special place in my heart for the Honolulu blue. Over the past couple years, as the Lions have shown the potential of possibly being somewhat respectable, some folks that know my background have suggested I "get on the Lions bus." And I respectfully tell them that would be a sham, and I am not a bandwagon supporter.
If the Lions happened to win a Super Bowl in my lifetime, I would be very happy for all of my friends and family that have continued to support the Lions over the past 40 years of mediocrity (65 years if you want to go back to the last time the won the NFL championship). The wasting of great talents like Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson. Through the abject disaster and utter failure that marked the Matt Millen years.
I would be happy for them. But not as a fan myself. I quit them 40 years ago this past April 26, and have been blessed to avoid the disappointment, despair and disgust that is part and parcel of being a Detroit Lions fan.
Looking back now, I have no regrets about that decision. And still a strong supporter of the Tigers, Red Wings, and Wolverines. Some addictions are easier to give up than others 
Is Andy in Knoxville a millennial because this is millennial behavior, according to Screencaps reader
• Mike S. in Wisconsin writes:
I was just going to sit on the sidelines and watch until I read Andy’s explanation of a retiring fan. Let me just say that being a fan that “returns to events occasionally” sound to me like a bandwagon fan. There is nothing worse in the world then a bandwagon fan.
I am a Denver Broncos living in Wisconsin my whole life. The one thing I told my kids is that you don’t have to root for my team but whatever team you pick you stick with. This retiring thing might be the most millennial thing I have ever heard. Pick and team and ride with them through thick and thin.
Sheesh
That's it. I'm exhausted, it's Friday, and I wish I could sneak out at lunch to play golf, but there's TNML work to do.
I'll see you guys at the apple orchard this weekend after Saturday Screencaps and the earliest soccer starting time of the season. Let's hang in there and keep winning at life.
Please do not buy pumpkin spice seed for your birds.
Have a great weekend.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com