Woke Clown Offended That People Use 'Clown' As An Insult

If you didn't think it was possible for clowns to be any less funny than they already are, buckle up.

On Thursday, The Washington Post published an opinion piece the likes of which I've never seen before titled, "I’m a clown. Donald Trump is not one of us."

I was not prepared for a blistering hot take like this courtesy of the wokest clown I've ever heard of, Tim Cunningham, the board president of Clowns Without Borders.

That's not a joke. That's a real group that performs clown shows for communities facing hardship, which is great, but when I've faced hardship, my first thought was never, "I wish someone was here to shock me with a joy buzzer and spray me in the face with seltzer from a flower on the lapel," but we all process grief differently.

Anyway, the piece opens by discussing the way "clown" or "clown show" has become a common way for people to describe President Trump and the Trump administration.

However, Cunningham's problem wasn't that it's a lazy insult that typically misses the mark; he doesn't like the pejorative use of the word "clown," which I think has been going on since around the time the word came into existence.

"Clown, capital C, is a valuable and varied art form; pantomimes, acrobats, magicians, dancers, stand-up comedians, vaudeville artists and jugglers are all examples of artists who incorporate Clown into their work," Cunningham writes.

Alright, when I sat down at my desk with a cup of coffee this morning, I was not prepared for a pretentious lesson on "clown," but here we are. 

It's what keeps my job interesting.

"Clown demands years, if not a lifetime, of study. Consider the physical virtuosity of Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton, or the impeccable comedic timing of Mr. Bean," the piece continues.

I mean… fair enough, it's not easy to cram a bunch of people wearing giant shoes into a small car, but I'm still not seeing what this has to do with the president.

A woke clown is very unhappy that "clown" has been used as a insult in the world of politics. (Getty Images)

Woke, Anti-Trump Clown Offended That Some People Call The President A ‘Clown’

"All Clown shares the common values of healing, empathy and reflection. Our work touches people in need of joy everywhere," the piece reads.

You pull a long strand of tied-together handkerchiefs out of your mouth and slam banana cream pies in each other's faces! They're neat tricks, while we wait to see people do things that are actually entertaining, like tame lions, flip on a trapeze, or juggle chainsaws. Get over yourself!

"Yet, our joyful work has been diminished into an insult. Every election season, the word "clown" resurfaces to compare tumultuous Washington politics to a circus," Cunningham writes, lamenting the fact that "clown" is used to slam those deemed "foolish or incompetent."

Y'know, instead of being a word reserved for the most dignified and accomplished among us…

But he's also upset that President Trump — whom I'm going to go out on a limb and guess he didn't vote for — isn't worthy of being called a clown.

"Let’s find a better metaphor to despise and depose fascism. Keep Clown out of Trumpian comparisons, and for that matter, all politics," he writes. "Offer Clown the respect it deserves and invoke us for good: in alliance with other artists, activists and humans who believe in a better, happier world."

Cunningham suggests we use "buffoon" instead of "clown," but I've got a better idea: "douche."

But, hey, on the bright side, at least this clown finally got a laugh out of someone for once.