True Romance: Love Triangle Leads To Christmas Eve Gone Wrong, Horny For The Holidays & Sleeping With In-Laws

Merry Christmas! Hopefully you enjoyed all that Santa had to bring this morning, and you're stepping away for a few minutes to take a break from your family.

It's understandable. It's the holidays. We take the family in smaller doses during the year for a reason, but enough about that, we're gathered for a few minutes of True Romance.

We're going to get to the bottom of holiday horniness. We've got a Louisiana love triangle that takes a turn, and tales of hooking up with in-laws.

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In other words, it's a packed column this week. I didn’t want to waste anyone's time here and blow through a half-ass week of romance. That's not why we do this every week.

Ali Larter softens things up to start the week by sharing the secret to a strong relationship after more than 16 years of marriage.

It's not that hard, according to the actress. She told People, "Enjoy every day. Try to be really kind."

Keep it simple. The folks in the love triangle gone wrong on Christmas Eve could have used that advice. There would have been more love and less stabbing had they done so.

But they do deserve some credit in the passion department. If they didn’t care, (spoiler alert) getting caught in bed with someone else wouldn’t have mattered to them.

A special thanks to Ali Larter for getting the week going with her simple, yet profound advice. Let's get to the rest of the romance. Don't forget to join the growing following on Twitter and Facebook.

A Louisiana Love Triangle

There are some out there I'm sure that will say this particular early morning trip to the hospital on Christmas Eve in Shreveport, Louisiana was avoidable.

Maybe for most of you that's the case, but let's try not to put a lid on this guy's overflowing passion. He has a heart big enough for more than one.

Is finding yourself wrapped up in a love triangle during the holidays really a reason for things to turn physical? That's neither here nor there.

The fact of the matter is they did turn physical. Shreveport police were called to the LSU Ochsner Hospital at 5am, reports KTAL.

A love triangle sends a man to the hospital on Christmas Eve. (Image Credit: Getty)

The man with a big enough heart for more than one had been stabbed. His girlfriend had discovered him in bed with another woman. 

She's apparently not an understanding woman. One who recognizes that the one she loves is a man overflowing with passion.

The "discovery of his dishonesty" led to her own passionate outburst. He ended up being stabbed and taking a trip to the hospital on Christmas Eve.

KTAL said that at the time of their report, no arrests had been made. Let's hope this man of abundant passion recovers fully.

Let's also, for the sake of it being Christmas, hope that these two are able to bring their two passions together and find a way to make the love triangle work for all of them.

Perhaps they could use Ali Larter's advice to help them navigate what comes next: "Enjoy every day. Try to be really kind."

Thank you again, Ali.

This Week In True Romance

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Horny For The Holidays

Whether you know it or not, you're hornier than normal during the holidays. It's not the eggnog or the happiness of the season that has you feeling that way. The nerds say it's all the stress.

Yep, there are people studying this kind of thing, because why not? We need to know if, one, you are indeed more horny around the holidays and two, why you have a hard time keeping your pants on.

Imagine if they crack the code and are able to bottle it? They'll have people shooting Ozempic one day and "Holiday Horniness" the next.

"Holidays amplify everything that already exists beneath the surface," said lead author of the finding, Michael Salas, reports NY Post.

"For many people, sex becomes a way to cope with anxiety, loneliness or emotional overload rather than a reflection of genuine desire."

Are you feeling horny for the holidays? There's a reason why, and according to the nerds, it isn’t the joy of the season. (Image Credit: Getty)

You're not happy and horny you weirdo. You're stressed and horny. In order to stay off the naughty list and let that stress get the better of you, you're getting down and dirty.

Don't take my word for it, here's what the expert Salas said: "When people are overwhelmed, the nervous system looks for relief. Sex can temporarily quiet stress responses, even if the underlying emotional issues remain unresolved."

What about single folks? How do they handle it? They still manage to crank up the extracurricular activity, especially with their exes. 

"This season acts like a pressure cooker," continued Salas, of Vantage Point Counseling. "Boundaries weaken, unresolved issues surface and people often lean into intimacy as a way to stabilize themselves emotionally."

If you're trying to keep it going for the rest of the year, it sounds like the answer is more stress. Just ruin your life at a job you hate and put yourself in miserable situations as much as you can.

It will suck most of the time, but on the positive side of the crippling stress, you'll be having a lot more sex. Don't buy the lie that you're horny during the holidays because you're feeling happier. That's just "big happiness" pushing their agenda on you.

Sleeping With An In-Law

It's only right that we wrap this week up Jerry Springer-style with stories from people who have had sex with an in-law, or step-sibling or stepparent.

Why not? It's Christmas after all.

Someone asked the fine folks of Reddit to share their stories of in-laws or step encounters, and they spilled the details of some twisted family drama. Enjoy:

• Someone I know (sadly) her sister married a dude and later married his dad and has children with both. That’s the least of that family’s problems too.
• Briefly, during high school, my girlfriend's parents were on the rocks, the mom was sleeping with another guy, and the family was in rough shape. So the dad's response was to go after my single mom. Next thing ya know, my girlfriend's dad is having an affair with my mom, while the girlfriend's mom is having an affair with an old flame, they're going on double dates together and the girlfriend and I are suddenly unofficial step-siblings. And yes, it was awkward, even though it really had nothing to do with us. Thankfully, it didn't last long (maybe a month?). Her mom and dad reconciled and things went back to normal.
• I did the deed with my mother-in-law once. It still makes me feel dirty when I think about it. I was separated from my wife at the time (in the process of divorcing) and went to my mother-in-law’s house to help her with moving some furniture. We ended up sitting around after I helped and had a few cocktails and talked about my separation to her daughter.
• At the wedding of my sister and my brother-in-law, I slept with his sister. It makes for some awkward family gatherings, which I make worse by calling her sis.
• My college roommate worked at a supermarket. He was banging the married manager of his department for a few months. He then started banging a girl in his class and then started dating. He broke it off with the manager. At some point, he and I went clubbing and on the way home he got pulled over for a DUI check. He was sober and gave the cop a hard time being a dick. Long story short, he went to dinner with his girlfriend to meet her parents. Her mom was the manager, her dad was the cop. I know they broke up soon after. 20 years later and we still joke about it when we get together.
• Not me, but a lady who works at my local dive bar was married to this dude, had a son with him, then left the dude for his brother. Now, they also have a son together. Their sons eventually asked what they were to each other after being raised as half-brothers (with a disclaimer), so the parents all talked it out and agreed that they should be called, "bruzzins".
• I married my stepbrother. To be fair, we didn’t grow up together and met as adults. Some people still think it’s weird though; most people don’t seem to care.
• Five years after my wife passed away, her sister went through a bad divorce. Their mother had moved in with us to care for my children as I was deployed often. She was a widow as well. SIL came down to cry on her mother's shoulder and one night I took her out to dinner. That led to drinks then dancing and more drinks and we ended up in a hotel with a lot of regret the next morning. We can laugh about it now, but for a decade we avoided each other.
• I had sex with my step-mom's cousin at her and my dad's wedding. It ended with everyone being pissed off and then my dad giving me a high five because she was a babe and much older than me.
• With my ex's twin, to be fair, it wasn't my mistake, since I didn't realize till I found the beauty mark under her lip, which my gf at that time didn't have.

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That's all for Christmas. I hope you were pumping your fist with a "Jerry, Jerry" chant by the time you finished up the "sleeping with an in-law" section.

If I had one person doing that, my Christmas would be complete. I'm a simple man with simple wants and needs. Next up, the New Year.

I'll see you then with another edition of True Romance. As always, you can reach me, anonymously if you prefer, at sean.joseph@outkick.com. Go follow along on Twitter and on Facebook.