Thursday Night Mowing League: Storms Ravage The Midwest, Heat Cripples The South, Contestants Just Try To Survive

It's been one of those weeks around here thanks to Monsoon Pitbull

Between my war of words with Warren Sapp that consumed approximately 15 hours Thursday and multiple inches of water and a heat index that hit something like 104-105 yesterday, it was yet another disappointing league night for Northwest Ohio.

We went like 10 days without rain and then it started Wednesday night as Pitbull was finishing his set on Put-In-Bay out in the middle of Lake Erie. I know, it's wild to think of Mr. Worldwide performing on the grounds of an airport on a Lake Erie island, but that's what went down.

Then it unleashed precipitation Bull hasn't seen since he burst onto the Miami club scene as a panty dropper. Look at this monsoon that happened after Pitbull's set. Port Clinton sits like two-feet above flood level these days. The harbor on Put In Bay is at like one-foot above sea level.

This one will go down in the record books.

I have a pool that actually needs drained. DRAINED. It's the end of August. This just doesn't happen, folks. We're talking survival of the fittest out here in NW Ohio.

Add it all up and I didn't mow. I couldn't!

Sapp had me on the run. Monsoon Pitbull had the turf SOAKED. It was total chaos.

Need a ruling

• Don B. in Big Canoe, GA writes:

Was in KY this past week visiting my 79-year-old mother-in-law.   

It pains me to admit this, but I mowed her lawn (with an electric self-propelled mower) late Tuesday and early Wed to avoid the ridiculous heat.

Will the TNML Commish give me a pass for not doing it on a Thursday?   We arrived Friday and departed Wed so Thursday mowing was not an option.

Hoping to hear good news.

Kinsey:

Don, as long as you're not mowing on Saturday, all is clear. Nothing worse than seeing some guy wasting away a perfectly good Saturday on his lawn while the boys are out golfing, at the VFW slammin' burgers or at a sporting event.

Don't be that guy, Don.

Changing the game

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Mowing Reports From Across The United States

• Tim G. in the 419 writes:

A hot 4.5” cut over 2.5 acres on Thursday in Allen County, Ohio. Heat indexes more than 100. Had 1.4” of rain Wednesday night into Thursday morning and the clay soil soaked it all up. Still pretty green with the corn and soybean crops looking strong. Special shout out to my Exmark mower, Dewalt headphones and David’s ranch sunflower seeds for another outstanding #TNML performance!

• Sean C. in Granger, IN writes:

First off, I wanted to address last week. I actually sent an email, so I thought, with my weekly report. Part of the email was welcoming you back from your court-appointed rehab or suspension or whatever it was. But for the 2nd or 3rd time, I think I send the email, yet it doesn’t get sent.

It’s almost always from my phone, and not necessarily with a bad connection. The kicker is, I can’t find the email in my “sent” or “outbox” or “drafts” folder. It just disappears somewhere into the universe. We’ve been having this issue at work since we went from a Google-based system to a Microsoft system. It’s weird, and I know it’s a “me” problem, but I wonder if anyone else has run into this. And I’ve been using email since the mid-90’s. I’m pretty sure I know how to use it.

Back to business. I put the “T” in quotes in my subject line because this week’s mow was actually done on Tuesday, not Thursday.

Why you ask?

Well, I decided that I would rather mow in 92-degree heat than the 99-degree heat that we got on Wednesday. Thursday was supposed to be 102 (air temp by the way, not heat index). What is that by the way? Heat index? That’s how hot it “feels”? What does that mean? Now the measuring of mercury has a “feel” to it? Just tell me what the actual temperature reading is. Everyone is going to feel it differently.

Sorry for the rant there.

But, the other reason I mowed on Tuesday was because I went to Wrigley Field to see Guns N Roses last night. Man, was it hot! 101 when we walked into the park. But it was worth it. Slash can still shred it, Duff can still pic it, and believe it or not, Axl doesn’t sound half bad. He definitely picks his spots. But "Welcome to the Jungle" and "Paradise City"……he hits his high notes. If they’re coming around your town this year, I highly recommend it. They played for almost 3 whole hours. Outstanding!

And of course, I’m repping the TNML when I go out of town. I often get comments like “I like your hat”. I usually respond “do you know what it is?” The answer is typically “no”. But it’s a great conversation starter and a way to spread the word.