The Taliban: Huge Into Murdering & Cricket

Taliban spokesperson Suhail Shaheen, who seems to be Afghanistan's version of Adam Schefter, sent out a big congratulations Monday afternoon to the nation's cricket team after its 130-run victory over Scotland at the Men's T20 World Cup cricket tournament. You know it's a big sports moment when the Taliban stops chopping off heads to turn its attention to athletic achievements.

"Left-handed opener Hazratullah Zazai produced a 44-run knock off 30 balls while Najibullah Zadran (59) and Rahmanullah Gurbaz (46) also played solid knocks. Spinner Mujeeb Ur Rahman then rocked Scotland’s top and middle order with his five-wicket haul to puncture their chase," The Indian Express reported Monday.

"Congratulation to all Afghan cricket team and the entire Afghan nation for the historical win against Scotland," Big J Suhail tweeted. "Well done boys! May Allah favour you with future victories. Keep it up!"

One has to wonder how the boys in the Taliban handle life, especially when it comes to sports. Do they get the troops together to hit up a Kabul sports bar where the owner is threatened with death if he doesn't do $1 beers and cheap wings?

Do the top-level Taliban guys throw a kegger at the presidential palace? Flip cup? Quarters? Being a responsible blogger, I asked Suhail this question.

Don't think for a second the Taliban is softening up and thinking of becoming a Westernized society that loves to watch sports, crush beers and brag about gambling wins on group texts.

Just last week it was reported that the Taliban beheaded a female volleyball player and then posted images of her head on social media channels. This old boys network isn't about to give up what made it famous.

As for ousted Afghanistan President Ashraf Ghani, who ran when the Taliban closed in on Kabul, he was also pumped about the big cricket win from his undisclosed safe space where he's enjoying life with riches gained from his political work.

"Congratulations to the great Afghan nation on the victory of our national cricket team heroes against Scotland in the World Twenty20! They brought a smile to the face of a great grief stricken nation today and instilled new hopes in the hearts of all that this nation is alive and no one can hold it hostage!," he wrote.

Written by
Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America. Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league. Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.