The Gripe Report: Shopping Carts, In-Store Lottery Scratchers, And Lazy Cop Shows

Like a great many of you, I like to listen to music while I work. My app of choice is Spotify, and it has always been my understanding that one of the great perks of using Spotify is that it helps you discover new music.

This is done through the use of algorithms that take your likes and interests and spits out things it thinks you’ll like. All kinds of apps do this, and sometimes it works, but I feel like more often than not I’m left wondering if the algorithm has ever met me.

On Spotify, for instance, it does a decent job of getting the easy and obvious recommendations right. 

Like Eagles (not the Eagles)? Give Joe Walsh or the James Gang a whirl.

Like Frank Zappa? Try Frank Zappa and the Mother of Invention.

Like Paul McCartney? Have you heard of the Beatles?

But where the algorithms always fall short is when they drop back into the pocket, buy some time, and then launch a musical Hail Mary downfield.

Have a gripe? We all know you do, so send it in!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

I got this the other day when Spotify said, "Hang on, bud. Have you ever heard Canadian singer PartyNextDoor?"

I hadn’t, so I gave it a shot and had lazy beats and mumble rapping shooting out of my Bluetooth speaker.

This was frustrating. To that point, I had spent the day listening to an eclectic mix of the rock band Clutch, the metal band High on Fire, and a playlist comprised of the works of Henry Mancini. 

I was kind of offended. It was like I caught the algorithm sleeping, it panicked, and threw a song at me just so it could say it did some work.

We talk about algorithms all the time, and I’m sick of pretending to be impressed by them. Most of them are terrible and don’t seem to deliver what they’re promising. I think everyone just acts like they think algorithms are cool because that’s what they’ve been told… by various algorithms.

Let’s give algorithms a break, what do you say?

…Good, I'm glad we agree on that. 

In the meantime, let’s get to our first griper of the week… 

This is the work of a very hateable person. (Getty Images)

People Who Can’t Be Bothered To Return Carts

I can’t believe we’re as many editions into The Gripe Report as we are — and each of them, I dare say, is incredibly poignant and memorable — and we’re only now getting to a gripe about something we see all too regularly.

Take it away, Chris:

It drives me nuts with lazy idiots who don't put back their shopping cart in a stall...instead, these people leave them in the middle of a parking space. Frustrating!

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This is a biggie…

I’m the kind of grocery shopper who is bad at planning ahead, so I think I’m at the grocery every other day. I see this kind of animalistic behavior way more than I should in a first-world country in the year of our Lord 2024.

It’s just common courtesy, people. If you use something, you return it.

Do you think I want to walk a cart back inside or across the parking lot to one of those cart corrals? No, but I’m a functioning member of society, so I do it.

I don’t leave it in a parking spot so someone else can’t pull into it. I don’t wheel it down to the nearest bus stop. I don’t hop in it and shoot my own Jackass stunts (although I have thought about it).

It’s like paying taxes. No one wants to do it, but you do because we live in a society.

I am thankful we've got brave folks like the Cart Narcs on the front lines of this issue, and it always amazes me how mad people get when you call them out on their cart-returning laziness

Unless you want everyone at 7-Eleven to hate your guts, take your lottery scratching outside. (Getty Images)

Lottery Players Who Insist On Scratching At The Counter And Holding Up The Line

We talked about people who leave their cars at the gas pump a few weeks back, but Paul has a complaint about people who throw it in park at the convenience store counter to scratch away at some fresh-bought lottery tickets.

It's the drive home on a Friday; swing through the convenience store for some gas/beer/whatever hoping for a quick in & out, BUT the parking spots are mostly full, and inside the line is a dozen deep. Deliberating away at the counter is Sally Scratcher, trading in a week's worth of lotto and then debating over a cash payout or more scratchers, and then which scratchers to buy.

Sometimes it's BOTH registers (of two) with Lotto Lollygaggers who have nothing better to do than clog up the works at the busiest time of the day.

If you have the time to play that much lotto, you have the time to show up outside of rush hour and let the rest of us get our sh-t and get out.

I feel better. Happy griping!

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I’m not a lottery ticket guy, but if I was buying them I would take them home, turn out the lights, pull the blinds, and scratch in solitude. Scratching should be between you and the lottery gods (I think the Greek one is named Lotticles).

That's why these people who scratch away while a line builds behind them are monsters.

First of all, unless it's the kind of convenience store with decent food like Wawa or Sheetz or their equivalent in your neck o' the woods, no one wants to be there. 

No one wants to be standing in line at 7-Eleven. They're on their way to work and need a drink or a snack or a skin mag (the skin mag guy probably isn't en route to work, but you never know).

Everyone wants to get what they need and get out as soon as humanly possible.

So, I can’t figure out why they do the scratching move in the store. Do they think everyone else wants to stand there and cheer them on while they win $3?

Of course not, yet for some reason, they can not pick up on the angry glares from everyone else drilling into the back of their skull.

It's probably just that in their feeble, inconsiderate minds they're thinking, "This is much more efficient because I can just cash in the winner right away."

If you need your cash that fast, maybe don't blow what you already have on scratchers.

Cop shows are great, but some are notorious for lazy writing. (Getty Images)

Lazy Cop Show Writing

We all like a good cop show, but the key word there is "good." Unfortunately, a good bit of police procedural fare gets a little lazy these days:

My gripe is with the lazy writing on TV cop shows. Almost any time they go to arrest a dangerous perp, no one covers the back door. And where does the perp go? Out the back door, of course, Then we have a "thrilling" foot chase, that NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED IN THE FIRST PLACE! Yeah, I'm shouting. 

My second gripe is about people who use all caps in emails.

John in Murfreesboro

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I can live with emails in all caps, but that may be because when I was a kid my parents used to send emails in Comic Sans which is WILD (sorry, Chris), so I'm probably desensitized to strange email formatting decisions.

Now, that main gripe. Speaking of my parents, my dad works in law enforcement, so believe me these faux pas in police procedure were noticed in our household.

But you don't need an expert in the house to point out some of these mistakes, and that's why it's so frustrating when shows treat us all like drooling morons and think we won't pick up on their shortcuts.

Sometimes it does feel like they write themselves into a corner and then realize the episode is only forty minutes instead of forty-four, so — whoops! — someone has some ‘splainin’ to do for making a mistake even the Three Stooges wouldn't have made in one of the shorts where they somehow got jobs as cops.

I understand why it happens, but the laziness makes you want to flip to a Seinfeld rerun.

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Another edition of The Gripe Report is in the books. As always, it was a pleasure, and be sure to keep those emails a-comin': mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com