Terry Francona: Someone Took A Dump On My Beloved Scooter

What the hell is wrong with you, Cleveland?

Everyone in that city knows Guardians manager Terry Francona, 64, travels by scooter. That's been his mode of transportation around town for the past decade since taking over for the Indians, who eventually became the Guardians after the wokes killed off the Indians name as a way to help society heal.

Anyway, Francona's beloved scooter was stolen again this month -- it was also stolen in January -- and, according to Athletic reporter Zack Meisel, it took some serious punishment. We're not talking the normal wear and tear associated with the craters along Cleveland's roadways.

We're talking about some maniac taking a nasty dump ON THE SCOOTER.

In Meisel's farewell to Tito Francona, who is retiring at the end of the week, he tells the story of how the scooter was stolen this month.

“They defecated on it,” the baseball lifer explained to Meisel. “I told the police when I talked to them, ‘If they bring back the death penalty…’”

With a nasty dump ruining his scooter, Terry was left no choice this week but to use an electric scooter, Meisel writes.

You'll never guess what happened.

He hit a Cleveland pothole, flew over the handlebars, lost a flip flop and the dinner he was carrying went flying across the road.

Between this news and the video that came out this week of the completely naked woman outside Jacobs Field who was trying to lift the fire truck, it's entirely possible that some bad drugs might be making their way into the Cleveland market.

What is going on, Cleveland?

Why can't you keep your clothes on and why can't you find a toilet to drop your nasty dumps?

It's time to look in the mirror, folks.