Stacy Keibler Beats The Heat By Hitting The Beach In A Bikini, Trading Jerseys For Tats & The New Orange Man
I watched a USMNT soccer ‘game’ last night for the first time since the World Cup & we still have major problems, plus Screencaps Jr. pitched for the first time in his life
Here are my general observations from what I saw last night in Kansas City. Keep in mind I didn't look at social media one time while I was watching. I was on the couch with a nasty headache, and it only got worse by watching a U.S. team that doesn't know how to get a shot on "frame" as my buddy Diesel likes to call the goal.
- I can't believe after U.S. parents have spent BILLIONS on orange slices and 200-team soccer tournaments in Omaha that we cannot develop soccer players who can score a goal on top-level international teams.
- The constant whining and guys rolling around on the ground gets old.
- I'm told Pulisic is our Messi. I remember ‘60 Minutes’ doing a special on him like he was the Pele who was going to save American soccer. He wears #10 for Pele. I didn't see much last night. Those set plays produced nothing.
- Great players do great things in big moments. What's Pulisic's biggest moment for U.S. soccer? The casual soccer fan can't name one.
- U.S. soccer has too many dorks. The 36-year-old dork defenseman Ream, or whatever his name is, with the bun was a liability. I thought more than once he was going to turn over the ball for an easy goal.
- U.S. soccer has too many dork fans. All of it comes across as a soft dork-fest that trickles down to dork travel soccer with no heart & a bunch of dorks flopping their hair over to the side or sticking their hands out at the refs like they deserve a call like every one of them is Ronaldo when in reality they're nobodies who can't get through a COPA group stage.
- That might actually be my biggest complaint with soccer is all the bitching and hands out with the fake European soccer mannerisms. Wahhhhhhhhhhhh, I deserve a call!
- My second big complaint is over how many of the U.S. fans in the stands actually hate the U.S. They wear the red, white and blue like they love the country and they're the biggest fans of America ever. Fake…fake…fake. All of it. Fake rolling around on the ground; fake complaints to the refs with the fake Euro soccer mannerisms; Chants stolen from the Euros; Fake love of the country.
- Burn it all to the ground. It's all disgusting.
Other than that headache, I spent the night with my 12U team. It was the final regular-season game and that meant it was time to unload the bullpen. I opened it up to the kids: Who wants to pitch?
I had four takers, including Screencaps Jr.
Recap:
- We lost 9-4
- I lost track of our record. I think we ended with six wins.
- Of the four pitchers who came out of the pen, Screencaps Jr. was the only boy who had never stepped on the mound during a game. I pretty much blacked out during his one inning of work that included giving up four runs on maybe two hits and there might've been a strikeout mixed in. He did catch a wicked liner back at him which was a nice play. There was one pop-up that Sequoia misplayed that would've helped, but that's life at this level.
- Going into the night, I didn't know what would happen. Would Screencaps Jr. bounce 20 pitches five-feet in front of the plate? Would he walk in seven runs? In the end, it turned out fine. He made the other team hit it and that's all I can ask for. Yes, he gave up the runs, but he didn't get frustrated and actually enjoyed his time. He's caught the pitching bug.
- Bonus: It wasn't one of those situations where I felt like I needed to go pull him. What a relief.
- The top of the order was abysmal. My trusty lead-off hitter never reached base. I had kids swinging heavier bats for the first time all season, for some strange reason. Sequoia struck out with the bases loaded and had his worst game of the year. I had one kid called out when he didn't slide at home plate. I had kids looking at pitches. It was one of those nights. Going in, I thought the pitching would be a mess. It turns out the pitching was just fine, even with four first-timers seeing action.
This guy sits in a farmer's field at the base of Beech Mountain -- Happy Independence Day!
- From Chris B. in Florida:
This email from Beau in Toledo hurts, but I understand why he wrote it
- Beau shares:
Dear Joe,
This could possibly be my last email accepted by You and the editors at #Screencaps and #TNML, and if it is the will, so be it.
It is, after all, Independence Day Week.
Let me first offer to You a snippet of an all too often unread Document from Our Nation's History.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.
I highly recommend that everyone READ AND UNDERSTAND the entire Document, and teach it to their Children.
Was that too deep? Maybe. But that being said, I AM MOWING ON THURSDAY, JULY 4, 2024.
Yeah, I just typed that. If I am forced to emboss NOMAD on the back of my #TNML shirt, then it shall be done.
No, I don't care about points or rankings, because neither The FrankenMower, PaceSetters, nor I have the want or need to be in such competition. We do, however, admire those that are, and We wish Lush Lawns upon Them All, forever and always.
My defiance lies not against You, good Sir. I see the valiance in Your Declaration that, on the 248th Birthday of this Great Nation, You've called upon Us to celebrate this Day, not with Joyous "Work", but rather with Celebration, with our Families and Friends, setting alight some of the same Earthly Powders that gave Us the Very Freedom that We hold so dear in our Jamboree, as well as the fuels that will sear to perfection the bounties that the Good Lord has bestowed upon Us.
In fact, I stand WITH You on this point.
My disobedience, however, lies not just in my nature, but also in the Fact that The Declaration of Independence demands such insolence. I will defend this hill.
The Fight has been brought to Us, Brother. The Fight against the eco-terrorists and their left-wing-nutjob overlords is at our very doorstep, kitchen, patio, garage door, and shed enclosure, and We will endure.
WE MUST STAND AND FIGHT, AND JULY 4, 2024 IS THE DAY TO LET THEM KNOW WE WILL NOT BACK DOWN, AND I WILL MOW AND COOK WITH GAS POWERED MACHINES!
It is, in my humble opinion, an act of INDEPENDANCE.
(I must add that my fight is not against our battery/electric powered Brothers & Sisters, btw. That is a Choice, and I cannot, nor will I, hold ill will to them. But my fight is against those who dare to try to MANDATE such legislation [a special 6-21 to the chevron deference, ftr; eff the un-elected 3-letter agencies] against a Free People.)
It may or may not matter to You Joe, but I plan on firing off multiple bottlerockets when I fire up the Briggs&Straton powered Toro as I begin my Maumee mow; more will follow my completion, and yet more when I fire up the gas grill to make Mrs. (vampire) Beau in Toledo's marinated (washyersister sauce, bbq sauce, onion, garlic, cayenne powders, and fresh ground black pepper) burgers, cooked with propane(and woodchips, thrown in for smoke). We will feast and celebrate Freedom and Independance.
I'll close, and Hope and Pray that the Entire Kinsey Family, as well as EVERY Family in Screencap and TNML Nations, along with all of the Outkick Family, have a wonderfully awesome and safe INDEPENDANCE DAY Celebration!!
God Bless America
Kinsey:
What an email. It's my hope that we get photos of Beau lighting bottle rockets as he's mowing on the 4th.
Small-town gas stations
- Todd from Missouri writes:
I love the column. I saw this at my local Casey’s and thought of you.
There’s nothing like taking the mower on a beer run while wearing a rowdy beaver shirt. Sadly it wasn’t on a Thursday.
Have you ever heard of cooking corn in milk?
I grew up in a town of 5,500 in SW Ohio where the combines drive through town in the fall. If corn in milk was a thing, I'm pretty sure I would've heard about it.
- Jeff M. in Northeast Ohio writes:
I grew up in Iowa, never heard of boiling corn in milk. We just wrapped the ears in Saran wrap, throw it in the microwave a couple minutes, let it steam in the wrap a couple minutes and call it a day. Not generally a fan of microwave cooking, but it doesn't heat the house and fresh corn season is a busy time on the farm so speed is appreciated.
- Another Jeff M. writes:
Corn cooked in butter & milk is 1,000% the way to go! One of the few recipes that I brought south from the Midwest that's actually better.
What are some things that shouldn't be made with milk? #1 on my list is chicken noodle soup. What monster does this (besides my wife!)? Tomato soup - milk, chicken noodle soup- water. As God intended.
Happy 4th & keep up the great work!
PS - this 4th won't be the same without THE world champion, Joey Chestnut at the hot dog eating contest. I'm boycotting until he returns!
The Greatest Parking Spot You Ever Had
- Mark in Georgia remembers a parking spot from 28 years ago:
We live in the exurbs of Atlanta and decided to take a last minute trip down to Atlanta for the 1996 Olympics. All of us Georgians were told to park near the Perimeter (I-285 loop around Atlanta) and take MARTA (mass transit) into downtown because of the crowds. My wife, myself, and our 6 month old daughter loaded up and headed to Chamblee.
Short story - there were no parking spots at the station, or within a half mile. I gave up and decided to just drive down to the stadium, much to my wife's consternation.
Once we got inside I-285 on the connector, it was like being in a post-apocalyptic movie. There was no one on the interstate. Everybody took the news seriously. We drove down to Atlanta-Fulton County stadium, parked right next door, bogarted some tickets, and watched the USA take on Japan in baseball. The lot was maybe 30% filled.
We had an awesome night. My daughter picked this time to say "Da-Da" for the first time, and regaled everyone she came into contact with a discourse on how much she loved her father. We ended up at a restaurant in an elevator with Michael Johnson the night he broke the 200-meter world record. Couldn't have scripted it better.
Turns out this bar is in Pittsburgh
- Kevin in Gibsonia updates us on the tractor bar:
Jason Aldean opened up this bar in Pittsburgh recently. Took over where Jerome Bettis' bar used to be. Good food, cold beer and hot waitresses...can't go wrong.
Kinsey:
I know where this is. It's down by Heinz Field on North Shore by the bars where I drank with Mig and Tom H. a couple of years ago when Tom H. offered up his tickets so I could see MY Bengals thump the Steelers.
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That's it this morning. I'm running over my time. Gotta go. Zoom meetings. Blogging. Getting ready for the 4th. Let's go have an incredible day.
Don't go blowing off your fingers before the holiday. Stay safe.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com