Study Says Screaming Deters Seagulls — But Try That On A Jersey Shore Sandwich Thief
Uh... we may need some more research...
I know I'm known around these parts for my griping acumen, but there are a few things I truly hate as much as seagulls.
Sure, that's largely because I suffer from a very real condition called ornithophobia — the fear of birds to the layperson — but also I just hate how dickish they are.
There's no other bird that will just yoink a ham sandwich out of your hand right as you're about to take a bite, and that bugs me.
Well, fortunately, now that every disease has been cured, science has moved on to other issues, like how to keep this from happening.
…Hang on, I'm being told diseases are still very much a thing.
Oh well, at least we got this problem worked out.
According to the Daily Mail, some researchers at the University of Exeter went to work testing 61 seagulls found in towns along the Cornwall coast in the UK.
READ: SEAGULL UNTIES INFLUENCER’S BIKINI TOP AS SHE HANGS OUT AT THE BEACH
When the seagull approached the bait — a Tupperware container full of chips, and I assume by that they mean that in the British sense, so fries — they played some audio. One option was a man screaming, 'No, stay away, that's my food!' while the other two were the same voice saying the same thing without screaming, and a robin's song.
The researchers found that screaming at the seagulls was the best option to keep them from stealing your grub.
…
…yeah, but isn't that the first thing anyone does when a gull zeros in on you? And half the time, they still run away with the final bite of your Publix sub.
There's not enough screaming in the world to keep this guy from stealing that ice cream. (Getty Images)
I think we need to test more than 61 English seagulls before calling this problem solved. I feel like English birds just have better manners. You'd yell at it not to take your crumpet, and it would be like, "Pardon me, I'm dreadfully sorry for the inconvenience," then it would put on its top hat and monocle and fly away.
Meanwhile, I feel like no amount of yelling will keep a Jersey Shore seagull from taking whatever it wants from you.
So, get on that, science.
You've got some work to do!