Ranking Gas Stations Based On Sketchiness After Recent Wawa Shooting

What I am about to say may blow your mind, but there was a shooting at a Wawa in Fort Lauderdale last night that left three people injured.

Oh, you're not shocked? Good! You're in the right place.

It shouldn't come as a surprise, but the sub shop masquerading as a gas station seems to be a breeding ground for some of the worst of the worst, so it gave me an idea.

Let's rank gas stations based on how safe I feel there.

Yes, this is purely anecdotal, but I have a feeling many of you out there will agree with me on a good number of these.

We have a lot to get to, so let's get started.

6. Wawa

I would sooner drape myself in an American flag and hike through Somalia than step inside a Wawa after sundown.

I have no idea what the deal is, but Wawa seems to attract plenty of subhuman filth and it makes me want to stay far away from there.

If you're on a family trip, it would be a dereliction of duty as a father to stop for gas at a Wawa, lest you want to put your children in grave danger.

My advice: get out and push a couple of miles until the next gas station.

5. Chevron

Although not nearly as bad as Wawa, Chevron's seem to be built in the worst parts of any town.

Don't let those cute commercials with the talking cars fool you, you'll be fending off crack fiends and homeless people while pumping your gas at 95% of these establishments.

My local Chevron has evangelicals with posterboard presentations outside of it, but even the power of Christ can't keep Harry the heroin addict at bay.

4. Valero

Essentially the C student of gas stations, Valero represents a sort of measuring stick with which to judge a gas stop.

If your gas station is safer than Valero, it's probably pretty nice, and if it's sketchier, then you should probably take a hike.

It's just your average, run-of-the-mill gas station and, honestly, that's fine.

As my father would say, "the world needs garbage men and ditch diggers, too."

3. QuickTrip

Now we are getting into the upper echelon of gas stations!

QuickTrip has the candy selection alone to put it in the elite tier of places to stop on a road trip, but it also has those little stickers that say "Safe Place," and that makes it quite alright in my book.

There aren't too many extra bells and whistles to discuss, but QuickTrip is a fine establishment to stop at after the sun goes down.

2. Loves

Any gas station that has showers for truckers is going to receive high marks from me.

Every Loves I have been to has been clean as a whistle and with nary a homeless vagabond in sight.

Plus, truck drivers come in and out at all hours of the night, and that is a profession full of people you can trust.

Seeing the Loves sign appear on the horizon of a road trip always elicits a sigh of relief from yours truly, and its ranking on this list reflects that.

1. Bucc-ee's

Here it is, the gold standard of gas stops.

Calling this a gas station would do a massive disservice to everything Bucc-ee's offers its fine patrons.

They sell brisket sandwiches, they have their own brand of snacks, there's art for sale in the bathrooms, and they pay their managers the salary of a Fortune 500 CEO.

This magical shrine to capitalism is like if a truck stop, a barbecue restaurant, and a Cracker Barrel had a three-way and gave birth.

Don't ask me about the anatomical validity of that, just know that I would trust a Bucc-ee's employee to watch my child before some members of my own family.

Now THAT is the antithesis of sketchy!