Wasted Raccoon Found Hungover In Liquor Store Bathroom After Black Friday Rampage
He's going to be playing hurt after this one...
It's no secret that raccoons are the biggest criminals of the animal kingdom. That's why they evolved to develop nocturnal habits, impressive manual dexterity, and little burglar masks.
But it turns out that they also know how to party, as evidenced by a hard-living trash panda found trying to battle through a hangover after ransacking a liquor store.
A liquor store near Ashland, Virginia, found itself working through a bizarre Black Friday incident, and for once, it didn't have to do with a buy-one, get-one BuzzBall sale.
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Instead, they found the store trashed with smashed liquor bottles littering the floor.
Fortunately, the broken glass and puddles of liquor formed a trail to the culprit, who was still on the premises because he was too wasted to find anything other than the bathroom.
Bro… we've all been there…
I never ransacked a liquor store, but I did go to college in Florida…
I'm sure the liquor store people didn't find this quite as amusing as the rest of us, but a raccoon getting so hammered he has to assume a full-sploot next to the porcelain throne is just gold, Jerry.
"I personally like raccoons," animal control officer Samantha Martin said, per the Associated Press. "They are funny little critters. He fell through one of the ceiling tiles and went on a full-blown rampage, drinking everything."
Normally, when animals get hammered, it's because they eat fermented fruit, not because they guzzled some bottom-shelf booze. So I bet this poor little fella — who was eventually named "Cole" — was feeling it.
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But don't raccoons seem like they're always a little drunk? They're always up late getting into trouble and eating food out of the trash.
Every sorority girl or frat guy alive has that story.
Hopefully, they stopped to get poor Cole a McMuffin and a pair of cheap sunglasses after this; otherwise, he's going to be hurting.