Prepare To Be Scared Of Beach Umbrellas After A Lifeguard Gets Impaled By One

There was a scary moment on the Jersey Shore this week, and for once, it had nothing to do with a group of young, single guidos and guidettes. Instead, a horrific scene played out thanks to a culprit most people would consider harmless: a beach umbrella.

Although, for reasons we'll get into, those umbrellas are nothing to mess with.

According to ABC 7, a female lifeguard in Asbury Park, New Jersey, was trying to set up an umbrella on a lifeguard stand when she fell.

"It was just a freak thing, as she was putting it in, the gust caught it, pulled it up, so when she grabbed it she was off-balance, she was on the top step of the bench, so she fell backwards off the bench and the umbrella came with her when she came down and landed on her arm," fellow lifeguard Joe Bongiovanni said.

An Asbury Park, New Jersey lifeguard is fortunately in stable condition after being impaled by an umbrella.. (Photo by Kena Betancur/Getty Images)

Asbury Park Fire Department Battalion Chief Christopher Barkalow provided an update on the woman's injuries. 

"About a one-inch in diameter aluminum umbrella pole, which went into her left armpit and came out in her back, right near the scapula," Barkalow said.

The victim — who is reported to be about 19 or 20 years old — was conscious throughout the whole incident and is thankfully said to be in stable condition.

Man, those umbrellas are some serious business. Last summer, I spent a week in North Carolina at the Outer Banks, which is famously windy as hell. That's why the Wright Brothers decided to test their prototype plane there.

I remember seeing an umbrella come loose and start blowing along the beach, and thinking, "Uh, someone should probably do something about that." 

Then I went back to drinking a Mai Tai from the safety of an upper-story rental house balcony.

I don't know why people plop one of those cork screw umbrella holders into six inches of sand, pile another couple ounces around the base, then step back and say, "Nope, she's not going anywhere," like they just planted it in several feet of concrete. 

Those things are sharp, so be sure you're taking proper umbrella safety precautions at the beach this summer.