Planet Of The Apes Is Getting Closer Now That We’ve Got Monkeys Directing Traffic

I'm a big fan of the Planet of the Apes movies, but while many see them as great popcorn flicks with people wearing ape costumes (or ping-pong ball suits with digital apes superimposed over them if we're talking about the more recent movies), I see them as cautionary tales about the dangers of mankind's hubris.

I know it sounds like I need to lighten up, but I'm telling you, what seemed like a quirky idea when Pierre Boulle wrote the original book, is starting to seem more and more like a possibility.

What makes me think that? How about a monkey directing traffic? Is that enough of a wake-up call for you?

According to The New York Post, this happened in Thailand, and it's got me a bit on edge.

Someone caught a monkey — sure not an ape, but there's not much of a difference aside from a tail — standing in the middle of an intersection and seemingly directing traffic like some kind of… traffic-directing… guy…

First of all, credit where it's due, that monkey is doing a hell of a job. I mean, I've never been to Thailand, but from everything I've seen, the roads can get a little chaotic, and he seems to have things running nicely.

But what frightens me is what if that monkey decides one day not to use his powers of traffic direction for good?

I don't think I've ever ignored someone directing traffic. I just assume they knew what they were doing because they're pointing and wearing a high-vis vest. They don't just let anyone do that.

But what if one day that money decides it's high time primates rule the world and he starts directing people off of cliffs or into wood chippers?  ̶I̶d̶i̶o̶t̶s̶ Very handsome people like me will follow because we're law-abiding citizens who have an ingrained level of trust when it comes to people directing traffic.

I mean, maybe In the moment I'd be able to shake my head and think, "Wait a second, that's a monkey; I don't have to listen to him."

But what if he had a high-vis vest on?

It'd be over, Johnny.

I'm not saying this should make us all panic… but maybe we should be prepared to start panicking because one day they're directing traffic, and the next they're on horseback and taking over San Francisco.