Would You Pay $75 for Prison Pizza? Jailhouse Food Appears To Be A Trend And I Missed Out On It

I always find food trends interesting. Like how just a few years ago, you never saw Brussels sprouts on menus, and now they're everywhere (and usually delicious), sometimes even cracking into the appetizer section among the likes of tried-and-true stalwarts like mozzarella sticks, nachos, and the humble, yet reliable chicken tenders. 

Hell, one time I went to a movie theater and they were selling crispy Brussels sprouts… at the snack bar. 

So, I try to keep my finger on the pulse of stuff like this, and the latest trend may shock you: prison food.

Not like slop served on a tray. We're talking about the stuff that inmates whip up on their own time and have to get creative with.

A video has been making the rounds of a guy making a "prison pizza" that is reportedly selling for $75 per pie.

I'm not going to lie: that doesn't look terrible, which is like being awarded a Michelin star when it comes to prison food.

But it's not just prison pizza. There's apparently a restaurant in Philadelphia serving up the finest prison cuisine.

I wish I could say I'm shocked by this, but I'm not, because I came up with this idea years ago and didn't act on it, because I'm an idiot.

Like five or six years ago, I was watching a prison documentary, and was still in awe of the way inmates were passing notes through the toilet when something else caught my attention. Some of the inmates were making prison wine, which is sometimes referred to within the clink as "pruno."

As I was watching this amateur vintner put a piece of Wonder Bread in a Ziploc bag full of orange juice, something occurred to me: those who served time may have developed a taste for that kind of beverage and once they're on the outside, a nice glass of Cabernet Sauvignon or Pinot Grigio just isn't going to do it.

And since I'm always hearing about how overcrowded our prisons are, that sounds like a lot of potential customers.

"So then what if someone bottled prison wine and sold it?" my entrepreneurial mind thought. It was a brilliant idea. A real timesaver for the ex-con who doesn't want to wait around for the plastic sack of juice they sat on the radiator to ferment.

I even had a name: "Warden Matt's Good Times Premium Prison Wine." 

What's premium about it? Hell if I know. Probably just the price, and that's the brilliance of it. 

How much does it cost to stick some juice and bread in the sun? Not much, but if I did that and then bottled it for $11.99 a pop, well, you do the math… because I never bothered to, but it seems like a lot of money.

Unfortunately, I never acted on this idea, and it looks like I already missed the first wave of the prison fusion culinary trend, which is a real shame for me.