Penn State Sprinter Welcomes Summer With Cake By The Lake, CNN Interview Goes South & Fat Patrick Mahomes
T-minus 55 hours until I check out for a week. Frankly, it's more like 30 hours, because what sort of effort can one realistically expect me to make on the final Friday before a week-long vacation?
Really, at that point, you're just going through the motions. Attending the meetings, but spending the entire 30 minutes googling tee times for wherever you're going. Checking your emails, but really just crafting the perfect "I'm out of the office until …" auto response that's set to go live at 4:59.
Answering last minute texts from work, but you've been drinking since 2, so it's mostly just 1-2 word responses because you're not taking any chances at the 11th hour.
We've all been there. I ain't yet, but time is TICKING. Let's get to it.
Welcome to a Hump Day Nightcaps – the one where we welcome back old friend Zoey Goldstein, who turned 22 on the lake over the weekend.
What else? We had a PISTOL in the cheerleading world attacking Harrison Butker earlier this week, so we'll check in with her just to annoy everyone. We also had a solid cooler-launch in baseball last night, fat Patrick Mahomes in camp, a nice interview at CNN and, sadly, we have to update our aviation list.
Thanks, Singapore Airlines.
Grab some vanilla pudding for National Vanilla Pudding Day and settle in for a Hump Day class!
Penn State sprinter Zoey Goldstein says it's officially summer
By the way, vanilla pudding? Elite. One of the most slept on desserts of all time. I was at an actual salad bar yesterday – yes, a few still exist even though the pandemic tried to cancel them – and there is no better salad bar treat than the vanilla pudding at the end of the line.
It's such a gamechanger. I look forward to it more than anything else under that sneeze-glass. Rice pudding? Elite. Tapioca? Elite. Vanilla pudding? The best.
God, I can't wait to get old. I'm gonna thrive when I'm 65+. Kids out of the house. Dinner at 4. Vanilla pudding at 6. Bed at 8. Rinse, wash, repeat.
Let's have a day!
OK, related to absolutely nothing – except the fact that she's white, so I guess it kinda works – here's Penn State sprinter Zoey Goldstein declaring it's officially summer in the US of A:
Is Pat Mahomes fat?
Welcome back, Zoey! Feel like it's been a minute since the Penn State sprinter joined class, but she's always welcome. Big year for her, too. New PR? Let's go!
Glad Zoey's back – and glad summer's back. I think we're in for a big few months of content, starting this weekend.
Memorial Day, like vanilla pudding, doesn't get the respect it deserves when it comes to holidays. For starters, you get a Monday off. There is nothing better than a Monday off. The three-day weekend that starts on Friday sucks. But the one that ends on a Monday? The best.
You've got playoff hockey all weekend, basketball (I guess), the best day in motorsports on Sunday and meaningless afternoon baseball on Monday.
Labor Day Monday will always be the GOAT in terms of B-list holidays, because you get college football on Monday, but this one ain't far behind.
Speaking of football … welcome back to Chiefs HQ, Patty Mahomes!
Let's check in with this insufferable ex-Chiefs cheerleader
If Patrick Mahomes is now considered fat, buddy – the average dude is in big trouble going forward. BIG trouble.
I'd kill to look like that. Frankly, if I had a billion dollars in the bank and three Super Bowls, I'd come back from three months off looking like David Wells.
And I'm not talking about young David Wells. I'm talking about end-of-the-line, 2005 Red Sox David Wells. Horrific.
Anyway, piss off, internet. He's fine. He's gonna crush all of our hopes and dreams in about three months, so live it up now.
While we're in Kansas City, let's quickly check in with quite possibly the worst person on the internet:
Solid day at CNN, cooler launching & WNBA injury report
My God.
It has never been about whether a woman should stay home with her family.
Yeah, dummy, we know. Any sane person with two functioning ears knows that. Harrison Butker never said what women should or shouldn't do. He told them what his wife did.
And please … don't call Harrison Butker your former co-worker just for clout. He was as much of a co-worker to you as Lachlan Murdoch is to me. Good God.
Whew. OK, time to ease the tension and rapid-fire this class into a Hump Day Night!
First up? Another SOLID day of work from the folks over at CNN:
Drinking something called Horse Power, which the internet (I promise!) tells me is basically liquid Viagra, and then saying "sorry, I'm gonna go get some cheeks after this" is an all-time moment.
Don't know what or who a Cam'ron is, but I'm all in. Pink horse powers for everyone this Memorial Day weekend!
Next? Feel like we haven't had a solid cooler-toss in baseball yet this season, and that changed last night. GREAT to see:
Nice work. Still, nothing in baseball will ever come close to what Big Papi once did to a Camden Yards dugout phone years ago:
"Wow … I don't think that phone's gonna work anymore" gets me every time. What a line.
I am glad nobody got hurt, although I'm not sure that DL stint would've looked anything like THIS one out of the WNBA last night:
Karin Hart takes us into Hump Day Night
"Crohn's disease, BABY, BABY" is maybe the wildest thing I've ever seen on TV. Is that real? I think it is. The WNBA has been on a content heater lately, and I'm here for it. No clue if this is normal practice in that league or not, but I'm all for it.
OK, that's all I have for today … WAIT! The aviation list!!
You know the drill. In the last four months we've had:
- Alaska Boeing Max loses a door mid-flight.
- Atlas Air blows an engine in the sky.
- Guy in Utah gets sucked into a commercial airliner while running on tarmac.
- Another Max plane gets dinged because of pesky loose bolts.
- Wheel nearly comes off commercial flight right before takeoff.
- United CEO is also a drag queen.
- Virgin flight missing bolts.
- Holes mis-drilled in new Max planes.
- A pair of JetBlue planes collide at Logan
- Perfectly-sane Britney Spears pilots a plane
- NYC bound plane makes a U-turn because of a fire in the cockpit
- Helicopter makes a U-turn four seconds after liftoff, winds up stuck between a building a light pole
- United flight bursts into flames mid-flight
- United pilot patches together a window before takeoff
- Rockies hitting coach pilots a United 757
- Singapore flight plummets 7k feet for no reason at all
Road trip, people. Road Trip Summer. Do it. You're welcome.
OK. NOW, that's it. Take us home, Karin Hart (and SeanJo!).
See you tomorrow.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Do you have moderate to severe Crohn's disease? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.