Paulina Gretzky Turns Up The Heat In Paris As The Holidays Crank Up, Pickleball Fight Club & A Tomahawk Steak
Plus: How much s--t should you be talking in your text groups?
We lost a great one
It feels like ages ago, but it was just over a year ago when Greg Biffle flew his helicopter through the mountains of western North Carolina to deliver supplies and life-saving medicine to people who were stranded after Hurricane Helene.
Over those weeks, maybe months, that Greg flew, he wrote his life story and how he'll be remembered. Yes, there were the NASCAR wins, and glory on the track, but those were just catalysts for Biffle's final act. Biffle showed he cared when he flew those helicopter missions. He cared about his community. He cared about taking care of those who needed his help. That's an honorable life.
Biffle, his wife, daughter and son, along with three others, died in Thursday's plane crash.
Bengals fan is fed up and does something about it
— Divitto Kelly (full name because you'll see the full name anyway in the link below) writes:
My name is DiVitto Kelly, and I'm a writer, artist, and librarian, formerly of Cincinnati, Ohio. I check out Outkick daily, and listen to Clay and Buck when I can. With the continued fiasco that is Mike Brown's Bengals, I decided to write a story titled, My Bengal Fan Obituary. It was quite therapeutic for me.
I then decided to send it to the Cincinnati Enquirer on a whim, and they enjoyed it. As of today, it's officially posted on their website, and will be available in printed form tomorrow. As a fellow fan, I thought you may get a kick out of it. Take care.
Kinsey:
I'm efforting to get the full transcript of Divitto's Enquirer piece because the paper has put his work behind a paywall. I feel Divitto's pain. I understand it. I've lived it. It's baked into my life. There's not a day that goes by when I don't thank the man upstairs that I was around to see the Reds win the World Series because I cannot imagine being in my 30s right now having never seen any sports success from the city outside of an AFC Championship.
I think Paul just called me a pussy for not telling Canoe Kirk to go ‘f--k himself’ for his ¼ zip rant in the group text
— Paul in South Dakota writes:
I’ve got to say, I am a bit perplexed about the whole 1/4 discussion. I am 55 and have lived in New Mexico, Arizona, California, Oregon, and am currently back in South Dakota. I have traveled to or through countless other states. I did not know certain part of the country could claim the ¼ zip?
At the end of the day, I don’t care. Never in my life has anyone had an impact on my wardrobe choices. Man up and be yourself. I bought my first ¼ zip in 1996 while on a trip to Alaska. Patagonia, still wear it. The elbows are almost worn through, but they should be by now. Greg B nailed it with the "highly functional" label. Have 8 at this stage of the game.
Being able to talk shit with your friends is a dying art that I guess isn’t being passed on, so I would like to challenge Screencaps Nation to do some mentoring. Joe in East Tennessee is right, don’t take it personally…don’t apologize for it…get better at it. I have four teenage daughters who can trade it with the best of them, and my 13-year-old is the most stone cold because she has to hold her own, survive her big sisters. Nobody cries, scarred for life….if you lose the exchange and there is some passing self-pity, it is usually met with "Suck Less."
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah. God bless this nation and the troops protecting it.
Keep talking smack with your friends…don’t be a p…..marshmallow, the world has plenty.
Kinsey:
This is for Paul D. Canoe Kirk has yet to respond.
Teenagers, when will they stop making weird choices & I'm told that driver's ed is taught on simulators
— Paul B. in Florida shares:
I'm in the same spot wondering the same exact thing. It wasn't the shower specifically but all kinds of other things similar to that.
Me:
"Did you get the dishes out of the dishwasher?"
Teen:
"Yes"
Me: walks over to the dishwasher sees that only the bottom row of dishes were taken out and the top row and utensil basket left in "WTH!"
Teen: "I thought I did it"
All day every day. I keep telling him "if you want me to take you out in my car and teach you how to drive then you better get some common sense and put some effort in to maturing or it's not happening."
Speaking of which, drivers ed these days just use simulators. I asked my teen if they ever put him on the road in a real car with real drivers and he said no. How can he get a permit only from simulation? Sounds like a gripe report needs to be sent in to reigs on this.
I can only hope it gets better. I have two more behind him coming up though!
Kinsey:
Wait, some of you were taught to drive on sims? This is the first I'm learning about this. What a bunch of soft snowflakes. Paul in South Dakota better not tell me he was some pussy who was taught to drive on one of these.
— Homebrew Bill emails on teenagers doing things that make no sense:
Good morning Joe.
Reading about your son leaving the water running immediately brought me to the events from last summer, shortly after after my daughter got her driver's license. Tuesday is trash day in our neighborhood and the dumpsters are picked up before noon. Our trash company is awesome and rolls the dumpsters up closer to the house after they're dumped. To move them into the garage takes about a minute.
My daughter was going to meet a friend for lunch and naturally she was running late. Getting up before 11 is a hard thing to do apparently. Rather than taking the minute or two to move the dumpsters into the garage she thought she could maneuver around them. She was wrong. Epically wrong. Ended up ripping the front bumper off her car when she hit the garage door opening. Fortunately she missed the track and didn't do structural damage to the house.
She's a straight A student taking AP and dual credit classes, but sometimes the brain just doesn't work to its full potential. Good Lord willing, she's learned from this mistake.
Hopefully it's the same case for your son.
— Ron in Georgia says:
Just read today's edition, and as a high school math teacher for 25 years, I can without a doubt say that today's teenagers (especially boys) are....umm, how can I put this politely...not as smart as they were 20-30 years ago. A day doesn't go by where I'll see or hear something in the halls between classes that makes me say "WTF" to myself.
Are these kids like this at home? I really don't know. It's truly amazing to think where we're headed.
But of course they said that about the kids in the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 00's, 10s, and now. So what I do is hope and pray they somehow mature sooner rather than later. And if they don't, the old quote from Judge Smails still holds true. "Well, the world needs ditch diggers too."
— Paul in Cincy emailed on this topic:
Your story about the shower made me chuckle! Our son is 19 but still has lots of knucklehead in him. To answer your questions:
- How does it go when the teenagers start driving?—it went a lot better than I expected. I think we had lectured him enough and told him enough scary stories that he took the privilege of driving quite seriously. He still makes me nervous but so far, so good.
- Why can't teenagers explain why they left the shower running?—my wife said it’s something about their frontal cortex not being fully developed. That could probably be used on Biden too!
- Will this get worse?—Yes it will
- Any solutions?—lots of patience and mix in some humor and lots of adult beverages!
— Jon tells me to get a good insurance agent:
Buckle in cause the ride is just getting started. I joke with my nephew all the time that he will inexplicably do stupid stuff till he is 25. But recent research has showed that part of our brain isn’t fully developed until 30.
Looking back on some the stupid stuff I or my nephew has done, it kind of comes down to 2 things: 1 - you don’t have the experience to anticipate all outcomes or consequences and 2 - when something goes wrong they jump ahead and get stuck on step 3 of the solution (mopping up water in your son’s case) instead of starting at step 1 of turn off the shower.
Best advice, have good insurance: health, home, and car. Let your son know that you understand he will screw up and that he shouldn’t be afraid of coming to you for help. And for you, don’t bail him out, let him learn from the consequences. And definitely don’t rip him a new one because then he won’t come for help and then the problem will only be worse by the time you discover it.
‘Go visit a Scheels instead of a mall’
— Marty in Idaho says:
If you want to do some man shopping, find yourself a Scheels (#notsponsored). We were in Billings, MT and saw this massive building at the end of an outdoor mall. I thought it was a field-house, but my son-in-law says it’s a Scheels; think Cabella’s on max steroids. Never heard of it.
We went to check it out and it was massive. And packed with people. In November. Billings (population 120,000) has a 220,000 square foot, two-story Scheels. Might even consider it a retro mall. Ferris wheel? Check. 16,000 gallon aquarium? Check. Video arcade? Check. Clothes for women and babies? Check. It had more guns than I’ve ever seen in one place and I was in the Army. I never knew there were so many styles of ice fishing shelters available. Same for ice drills. Mrs. H was as intrigued as I was. The whole experience was borderline surreal.
Their 25 stores are pretty much west of the Mississippi River and east of the west coast blue states. If you are in that zone, Scheels is well worth a visit.
Kinsey:
Marty, I would 100% go to a Scheels, but like you noted, the closest one to me is over six hours to the west. I can see the emails right now: Don't be a pussy, get in your car and drive, you pussy. I can hear Paul's voice telling me to man up, dump my dick out and hop in a jacked-up Dodge Ram, put a dip in, turn on Outlaw Country on Sirius and go visit a Scheels.
One day.
‘The Best Thing You’ll See On The Internet Today'
— Bryan in Blountville shares:
Good morning from beautiful northeast Tennessee!
They had me at "When a dude with an accordion rolls up on a lawnmower...."
The Cocaine Quarterback story
— Chad G. writes:
The Owen Hanson story is unreal. Listened to a YouTube stream with him several weeks ago (softwhiteunderbelly). It sounded like a movie script waiting to happen.
Aaaaaaaaand then he wanted to sell us Ice Cream Popsicles.....all that for an infomercial?
What beer can you buy at the store right now in Cadiz, Spain?
I see Dadweisers up top. What's this 1906 beer?
I hope this IG loads for you
Have you ever stopped and thought about all the women that have become realtors over the past 4-5 years? I cannot believe there are that many houses to go around to keep all the Coachella hat-wearing suburbanite women employed.
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That is it this morning. I'm off to talk shit in the text group on Paul D.'s orders. No prisoners today. If Millennial Chris B. complains about his job, I'm ripping his ass and bragging about how I'm working in a climate controlled room while he's in a ditch.
NO HOLDS BARRED!
For many of you, this is it. You're done for the year after a half-day of work that will include a stop at the bar this afternoon followed by a bunch of drinking for the next 17 days or so.
Enjoy. Have a great weekend and holiday season if you're disappearing. Screencaps isn't going anywhere. SeanJo and I will be right here to talk shit right back to Paul D. and anyone else who wants to go at it.
📩 Email: joe.kinsey@outkick.com or use my personal Gmail
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