Mahomes Dumping Ketchup On Turkey Is Offensive, But Bad Cooks Are To Blame
It's not the meat — it's the cooks who keep ruining Thanksgiving with bad technique
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I know I did, and that's mainly because, unlike Patrick Mahomes, I forbid any guests from going rogue and dousing their helping of turkey in ketchup.
That is a crime.
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Mahomes did a little ad for Adidas, and in it, he waxes poetic about the holidays and then stomps on the hearts of traditionalists by unloading a bottle's worth of ketchup on his turkey.
It's appalling.
What. The. F--k?! I'm glad the Chiefs lost on Thursday.…
If I presented my turkey to my guests, and they asked if I could hand them a little bit of Heinz to doctor it up, I would politely yet firmly ask them to leave, and they would not be welcome back at Casa de Reigle for any future holidays.
That's just insulting. I'd rather someone pants me in my home in front of everyone than think they can improve my properly cooked bird with a douse of ketchup.
And I like ketchup! But I just like it in traditional ketchup use cases.
If you're reaching for ketchup, you're basically telling whoever made that turkey, "Hey, I think this is s--t, and also you're stupid and ugly."
I'm guessing this habit is because Mahomes has never had good turkey, and I'm finding more and more that this is the case for a lot of people.
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Every year at this time, a debate flares up about turkey. A lot of folks are saying it's not good. My response to that has always been that this is the result of user error. People either don't season their turkey or overcook it to the point that it's too dry.
That's why more people are opting for other holiday centerpiece meats. It's not the turkey's fault that people just chuck it in the oven without watching their temps.
Hell, I was watching the local news, and they had some old lady from the Butterball hotline on to talk turkey. First of all, if you call a toll-free number instead of consulting the internet when you've got turkey questions, you should probably be in a home, but secondly, this lady said to pull your turkey when the breast hits 170 degrees internal.
Wrong! That'll be dry as hell! Is she trying to ruin people's holidays?!
This is why people like Mahomes are ketchupping. Because so-called "experts" are giving bad information.
This year, I smoked my bird, and I was watching this thing like a hawk. The second it got to around 157 or 158 degrees in the thickest part of the breast, it was off the smoker. From there, it carries over to a safe-to-eat internal temp of around 165.
Do you want to know what the result was? A perfectly moist, succulent turkey that everyone raved about.
If your turkey sucked this year, do your homework and put in the work to do it right next year.
You can thank me later.