Paige VanZant's Assault On Instagram Continues, CC Sabathia Is Jacked & College Football Coach Madness
I have about a 5% interest in the college football coaching changes
There I was on the basement couch last night with a raging fire going on in the electric fireplace watching Monday Night Football and the NHL when the Brian Kelly to LSU news started rolling on social media. Grown men were losing their minds. Big J blue checkmarks were being Big Js and confirming the confirmations of scoops that Kelly was indeed leaving South Bend.
OMG...THE SHOCK! HOW COULD HE? KELLY HAS A TEAM THAT COULD PLAY IN THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL FINAL FOUR...OMG! HE DIDN'T GIVE TWO WEEKS NOTICE!
I turned to my wife and said it must be a sign that I'm getting older because my emotions barely moved over Monday's big coaching moves. The 'T' might be dropping, but even if I got on some Frank Thomas pills I still don't think this stuff is going to move the emotional meter in my head.
Standing over a two-foot birdie putt -- which hasn't happened very often in my life -- causes more emotions in my head these days. Staying on a Thursday mowing schedule in the summer gets the 'T' moving more than some multi-millionaire deciding he wants to go off and get multiple-multiple millions to coach college football. Figuring out the perfect smokeless firepit design gets my energy level raging these days, not Brian Kelly, 60, deciding he wants to airboat into Baton Rouge for a massive challenge that will include a fiery matchup with Nick Saban on a yearly basis.
That's not to say this stuff isn't intriguing. The 'T' will be raging in 2022 when it's Lane Kiffin coming to Baton Rouge to face Kelly.
But for now, I cannot bring myself to get emotional over rich guys figuring out a way to secure $100 million bags from college institutions. I have things to do like watching more smokeless wood firepit YouTube videos. Last night I was watching guys run air ducts to the center of their pits and I instantly updated my 2022 to-do list.
• Joey P. writes:
Hi Joe. I was just curious why you think ESPN continues to talk about things outside of their purview,(I.E.-the Kyle Rittenhouse story) when fans have made it clear that's not why they tune into sports shows and events?
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Now, as you know Joey, I'm not a deep-thinker, but I believe there's a clear answer to this is that ESPN's new strategy is to own the algorithm. In 2019, ESPN President Jimmy Pitaro told the Los Angeles Times that "Without question our data tells us our fans do not want us to cover politics."
Notice the words being used by Pitaro.
“If you ask me is there a false narrative out there, I will tell you ESPN being a political organization is false,” Pitaro told the Washington Post in 2019. “I will tell you I have been very, very clear with employees here that it is not our jobs to cover politics, purely.”
It's my belief that ESPN is just cruising the Google algorithm, picking off topics that will win with a young, woke audience that loves the woke NBA and the NFL which loves to ride the same woke waves when it makes business sense.
What do I mean by ESPN trying to own the Google algorithm when it will win with ESPN's audience? Let's go back to this summer when ESPN went absolutely crazy over a Rockies fan yelling "DINGER" at the Rockies mascot while a black Marlins hitter was at the plate. ESPN was positive the fan was yelling the n-word.
ESPN went crazy. There were multiple reports. Live SportsCenter reports. It was hysteria.
That same weekend, ESPN had very little to no interest in Packers wide receiver Devin Funchess using an anti-Asian slur during a press conference. The story disappeared.
So Pitaro's 2019 comments are correct. ESPN's not going to cover politics "purely," as the executive told us. But they're going to interject when it benefits them. They see themselves as a cultural brand aimed at 14-to-35-year-old NBA fans, not 40 & up white guys who stroll in to watch live sports at 7 p.m. and stick around for three hours and they're off to bed.
ESPN decided that their business platform is to fire up that cultural audience so they'll watch from Screamin' A. Smith all the way to Scott Van Pelt at midnight.
• Kyle D. has a question that is near and dear to my heart:
Question for all the yard dogs out there. I love the content and working in my yard with one exception. I hate hate hate cleaning up leaves. I have two huge trees in my front yard and the leaves that fall are never get fully cleaned up. I find leaves in the most random places throughout the whole year. Gives one a jolt of anger similar to checking Twitter.
The question I have is these son of a bitch leaves go into my neighbor's yard and all over the street in front of other people's houses. Am I responsible for this cleanup as well or once they leave my yard are they someone else’s problem?
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Kyle, you're in a fortunate position. No, you're not responsible for leaves out of your trees that blow into yards and out into the street. But, you're responsible for dropping off a 30-pack or a plate of BBQ to your neighbors at a random moment in the summer as a peace offering.
Let's just be good neighbors and everything will be fine.
My situation is that I'm the guy who has to clean up the leaves blowing in from the neighbors. Now, I don't get too frustrated because Larry the Neighbor is like 75 and his lawn service comes once a week. I don't want Larry, who is having some memory issues, out there raking and breaking a hip. I'll take one for the team and do my part. Larry needs to stay safe this time of year.
• Ken S. in North Augusta, GA has towel and pajama advice for Jake in Charlottesville:
Being the married father of two grown women, I think I can give Jake some helpful advice on this topic. (Not that my girls, or their mother are what you would call “high-maintenance”, but they consider price secondary to quality.)
Re: nice bath towels - look at the “Biltmore” towels at Belk. I’ve already checked for Jake, and there is a Belk in Charlottesville, with Biltmore towels in stock. They are thick and soft, and my wife loves them.
For pajamas, Jake could look at “Lake” brand. It appears they are only available online, but the women in my life rave about them. The website is https://lakepajamas.com/ if he’s interested in checking them out.
Sorry about your Buckeyes, but I’ve got my own pain to deal with since I went to Auburn. We’re just gonna have to man up!
• Mark W. in Franklin, TN has great pajama advice:
Tell Jake in Charlottesville to check out the LL Bean online catalog. A wide selection and very good quality. No problems with returns (I know because I bought my wife a robe she didn’t like and the return process with Bean was simple). Funny, isn’t it, how we age out of Victoria’s Secret to LL Bean. Get older and seek comfort over style and sexy.
Oh well, blessed to get older.
• Brent P. in Indy is all over this subject, too:
I have an idea for Jake in Virginia for his wife’s pajama request. I bought my wife “The comfy”. Go to www.thecomfy.com and check out all the options. She loves lounging around the house with it in the mornings with her coffee. I, my daughter, and two of my sons each have one. This thing is so warm that you can wear it with shorts and stay warm. It is not ideal to sleep in, at least I don’t like it. So not a true pajama solution. You can also get them on Amazon, but I choose to visit retailers directly, to cut out the evil empire.
• And get a load of this towel advice from Chris in Nebraska. You guys should have to pay for a Morning Screencaps subscription to get advice like this. Great stuff, Chris!
Saw Jake reach out about the towel situation. I can help as someone who is a self-confessed towel snob.
If you're looking for something plusher, Frontgate sells a line of Resort Cotton Bath Towels that are incredible and what I used for 5+ years. If you want something large, get the bath sheet, otherwise, the bath towel will do. Weird pro tip, don't use a dryer sheet with them, apparently, it takes away some of the towel's ability to absorb moisture.
I recently switched out to the towels from Riley which are made from Portuguese cotton which makes them feel a bit heavier but they dry much, much faster.
Both are super soft. Just a heads up, if your towel buying has been an afterthought, you're gonna have some sticker shock.
• Chris B. has pajama advice and needs some Vegas advice of his own:
This one’s simple for us experienced husbands: buy something nice from one of Victoria’s competitors, but — and I cannot stress this enough — buy a size small. You can never ever ever go wrong ordering something for your wife that needs to be exchanged for something larger. Even better if you buy locally so she can have fun doing the inevitable exchange.
Against my better judgment, we’re heading out to watch Utah (my wife’s alma mater) gack it up against Oregon, then do some red-rock hiking in Utah. Does the collective have any good Vegas tips for non-gamblers and non-excessive drinkers? I’m not opposed to either of those things, but we figure we’re gambling enough by flying Allegiant.
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While I've never been there, I've heard people talk for years about the Pinball Hall of Fame. The reviews seem to be universal that you'll have hours of fun for little money. Not sure if the wife is into having some pinball fun, but it's an oddball option.
• LaMont J., who typically slides into the Instagram DMs to share many of the fun memes you see in these posts, has pajama advice:
Have Jake from Charlottesville go to Adore Me for his wife’s pj set. You don’t have to do the monthly subscription but they always have lots of BOGO’s so you can get two gifts for the price of one. Been buying my wife sets for years (some I even picked out on my own:)
Always willing to help fellow Screencaps members
• And that's a wrap for Tuesday's Screencaps and pajama advice...DO NOT SEND MORE PAJAMA ADVICE...JAKE BETTER BE ABLE TO TAKE IT FROM HERE!!!
Let's go out and attack the day and end November strong.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com