Our Long National Nightmare Is Over: Lawrence Welk's Boyhood Home Now Has A Toilet

Guys, we can all rest easy now: Lawrence Welk's childhood home now has a toilet.

The State Historical Society of North Dakota has a mission, and that mission is to install flush toilets at some of the state's most visited sites.

It's an unusual goal in the Year of our Lord 2025, but hey, sometimes indoor plumbing was the least of people's problems back in what scholars like to call "The Day." 

"A lot of our sites are kind of in the middle of nowhere. As I like to put it, history didn’t happen where it’s convenient," historic sites manager Chris Dorfschmidt told the Associated Press. "Because of that, if you’ve driven all the way out there, and that’s the best we can do to kind of accommodate you, it’s not the most pleasant experience."

I mean, I get that back when pioneers were doing their thing, they weren't like, "Hey, should we put some indoor plumbing in here. I mean, we're cool with an outhouse, but people visiting here in like 150 years might want a toilet."

Still, at some point, someone should put one in, and it looks like that point is now for the boyhood home of the bandleader your grandparents liked, Lawrence Welk.

Lawrence Welk's boyhood home now has toilets, which means that a real crisis has been averted. (Getty Images)

Only old people like Lawrence Welk. Very old. That's why I can't believe they went this long without plumbing at that house. I mean, imagine you get a busload of  ̶g̶e̶e̶z̶e̶r̶s̶ distinguished senior citizens to have a look at where the guy with the polka music and bubbles grew up, and there not being a toilet. 

They need a toilet. The only thing about their bodies that can go from 0-60 in seconds is their bowels. I mean, we really dodged a bullet here. If one rogue taco truck had parked outside of Lawrence Welk's boyhood home, I think the results could have been catastrophic.

So, fortunately, Welkland (like Graceland… they don't really call it that, but they should) was one of the sites fortunate enough to get the restroom upgrade, which reportedly costs around $150,000.

I think that would be considered money well spent.