The Orion Capsule Bathroom Seems Like A Total Nightmare Even If It's Functioning Properly

I'm not going to lie to you: Wednesday's Artemis II launch got me really fired up about space and the moon.

I mean, not to brag, I see the moon on most evenings, and I usually don't even give it the time of day (night?), But last night I looked at it and thought, "That's pretty damn cool."

In fact, I was even thinking about how we're not too far from being able to go ourselves as tourists. I'd go. Maybe I'd even like it so much I'd take out a lunar loan to buy a studio condo on the moon.

READ: ARTEMIS II WAS A PROUD AMERICAN MOMENT UNTIL ESPN MADE IT ABOUT RACE

But then I remembered, you have to get there, and I was reminded once again why I'm cool with staying this space rock we call Earth, primarily because of the bathroom situation enroute to the moon.

Previous missions to the moon didn't have the luxury of a full-on space terlet, but the astronauts in the new Orion capsule do.

There's just one problem: using it seems like a nightmare.

Astronaut Christina Koch gave us a tour of the capsule's bathroom facilities, and they make your average airline bathroom seem palatial.

Can you imagine?

Hanging on for dear life because you're floating around in zero-G, and you thought it would be a good idea to order from DoorDash as your final earth meal?

Just awful.

I can appreciate that it's insulated, though. Koch said that's because the mechanisms are loud, which I'm sure is true, but it keeps other noises in, if you catch my drift.

So, no, not an ideal situation, but as long as it doesn't suffer any hiccups, it shouldn't be too bad…

…Oh, it suffered a hiccup almost immediately, but at least it got back online in a hurry.

First of all, let's all start calling what we do in the bathroom "donations." I like that. It's classy.

So you mean to tell me with all the science-y doohickeys and doodads involved with firing a rocket into space, we got all of that to work, but indoor plumbing is where the issues came up?

If I were in that capsule — my heart still racing from riding into space strapped to the biggest rocket in human history — and someone from Houston was like, "Uhh…. Mission Control to Artemis II; it appears that the bathroom facilities are not, uhhhh… operational at this time… over," I would become the first astronaut in history to ask if there was any chance we could turn around and end the mission a bit early.

"Don't you want to go to the moon?" they'd ask.

"Not like this," I'd say.

So, it looks like for the time being, it's Earth for me.