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How I nearly lost my wallet Wednesday only to find it in dramatic fashion
Ever had one of those days where for some reason you place your wallet on top of the van when helping your 6-year-old son into the van only to leave the wallet on top of the van and driving about two miles to get your wife a coffee only to get home and realize your wallet is missing?
That's where I was at Wednesday morning after pumping out a piping-hot new edition of Screencaps. I was feeling great. I was ahead of schedule. The sun was shining. The birds were chirping away.
And then I nearly had a panic attack -- before the OutKick 9:45 Zoom morning meeting -- as I looked everywhere for the wallet. Nothing.
So I went to the meeting. My mind was elsewhere.
The meeting ended and Mrs. Screencaps suggested I retrace the route to where I got the vanilla latte. She's definitely the brains of the operation, so I listened and told my 10-year-old son to get in, we needed to go on a mission.
For the first half-mile in the neighborhood, there was no sign. Then I turn out on the four-lane state route headed towards all the strip malls and I was pretty much just driving to prove to Mrs. Screencaps that I had taken her advice.
There were no signs of the wallet as we crossed under I-75.
No signs as we passed the typical Burger King/Chipotle intersection. I nearly turned around at Burger King, but Mrs. Screencaps was in my head. Keep going...it might turn up.
I'm in the left lane thinking about how I'll need to get a new ID, new health cards, etc.
And then, for some reason, I look along the berm in front of the boarded-up Big Boy restaurant and...and...THERE IT IS...MY WALLET...OR WHAT LOOKS LIKE MY WALLET...SPLAYED OPEN!
I whip the wife's grocery-getter sled into the Raising Cane's strip mall, turn around, catch a red light coming out of the strip mall and all I can think about is some meth head staying at the Days Inn that should be bulldozed swiping it before I can get across the four-lane highway.
The light turns green, I gun it, whip into the Panera parking lot, whip around another strip mall and make it to the scene. IT'S MY WALLET! AND IT HASN'T BEEN TOUCHED BY METH HEADS!
Credit cards are still there! Nothing missing. The wallet laid there for over an hour and nobody touched it.
Talk about a miracle.
The wallet rode on top of the van for over a mile with speeds approaching 45 mph and flew off, but not a single Costco receipt, Keno ticket, or photo of Mrs. Screencaps popped out of that leather wad.
I'm still amazed at how it all went down, but I have my wallet back and I won't have to visit the ladies at the BMV.
Talk about a huge relief. Thank you, wallet gods.
Now I'm feeling better about my investment that actually paid me back a long time ago
I've written about those damn Cam Newton BCS game pants several times over the years, but today was the first day when I have concrete evidence those pants could hold some significant value beyond what the likes of Ken Goldin believe.
In a recent interview with OutKick's Gunz, Goldin said the pants were worth something like $2,500. Then Ken's company goes and sells Zeke's OSU CFB Playoff helmet for $102,000.
In 2014, three students broke into Auburn's locker room and stole Cam Newton's BCS jersey and helmet that were on display. At the time, Auburn valued both items at $2,500 each.
The items were eventually recovered.
The only item from the Cam Newton BCS uniform not owned by Auburn is the pants the university sold to me with a certificate of authenticity in 2011.
One of these days I'll get around to selling the pants now that I know what a helmet is worth.
'Worst job you ever had'
• TV in Birmingham, AL writes:
I understand that there are much worse jobs than this out there, but mine was working at Honeybaked Ham over Christmas break home from college around '99. I had an unfortunate run-in with the law at a football game in college sneaking whiskey (I was underage) in my cowboy boots and had to pay for my fines/court costs etc.
I worked at this place in production for about three weeks getting hams ready for sale/delivery. I'd wear duck boots, hair net, two layers of gloves and a plastic trash bag under my apron to try and stay dry. Each night I'd come home covered in ham juice and sugar. Some days were regular 8 hours, some were 12-14. We had a cat that lived in the garage who loved it though because each morning my boots would be licked clean.
So, take this question and add this follow-up to it..."and what did your boss think of you?" My dad was a sales manager for many years and told me after it was time to go back to school that this was an interview question of his: "What is your worst job ever and what did your boss think of you?" If you have a crappy job but give it your best and slog through it, that shows character.
Just something that means a lot to me that I think about.
Kinsey:
That's a great question from TV's father. In my case, I got a promotion out of the department where I was working my 'Worst job ever.'
I suppose my boss thought enough of me to get me out of there.
Instagram embeds
• Mike N. writes:
Yesterday and today the Instagram links worked on my twitter feed...
Over the last 6 weeks I tried the Blaze browser as well as firefox on my iphone... neither worked...
I was relegated to just reading the beginning, which honestly, is 90% of my enjoyment...
Then whamo, out of nowhere, they are back... I'll enjoy it while it lasts... :)
It feels like we talked about this approximately 15 months ago
Imagine that, Americans are annoyed with being asked for a tip every single time they make a purchase. Who didn't see this coming?
'Show me your patio'
• Mike T. in Idaho writes:
Here’s an idea, I agree with you 100% about the cost of EVERYTHING, with team Sleepy’s “ New” economy!
We love the patio life, why don’t you ask the team to have a “ Show your patio” Friday segment in Screencaps.
I think it could be a strong summer segment!
Kinsey:
I'm always appreciative of the patio photos and this is a great suggestion from Mike T. because of how many new readers haven't shown us their patios or their garage fridges.
I'll go first.
This is why I sit on the patio so much. It's been a long work in progress to get here, but it's no lie when I write about loving being on the patio chilling as the resident cardinals fly in at the end of the night.





That's it for today. The 10U baseball team has a very important game tonight. It's going to take all of my blogging powers to not let my mind wander to pitching matchups and how I might actually have to make some tough lineup decisions in this one. Whom do I start? How many innings? Do I let the opponent get comfortable or do I run multiple arms at them to keep them off-balance?
Stay tuned.
Have a great day across this incredible land we get to call home where the meth heads are sleeping at 9 a.m. and not picking up wallets that flew off the grocery-getter.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com