Megan Fox Announces Her Kid's Weird Name, Readers' Embarrassing Moments & What Is Will Smith Doing?

Good afternoon from Chicago Midway.

It's been a long time since I've flown out of this airport. I actually hadn't planned on being here at all. But when Secretary of Education Linda McMahon invites you to a special Title IX luncheon in Washington, D.C. while you're chilling at your father-in-law's house in Middle of Nowhere, Illinois, then damn it you make the trip to the nearest airport.

Every time I visit another airport, though, it makes me truly appreciate Nashville. BNA is superior in every way — the best restaurants and bars, the easiest layout, the friendliest staff. When I went through security here, it was like all the TSA agents were on their period. Even the dudes. Just irritable, unfriendly and tired of your bullshit.

Also, every airport has different rules! In Nashville (and in Tampa and Minneapolis, where I've also visited in the last month), you don't have to take your laptop out of your bag. So this morning, I did not take my laptop out of my bag.

That is, until a woman with a long ponytail made it clear I was a complete idiot on her very last nerve for not complying with basic safety standards "that have been around forever!" 

Good morning to you too, Linda.

Also, the TSA agent in the line next to me was telling everyone that EVERYTHING had to be in a tray — even bags and suitcases. Being the considerate and intuitive human I am, I put my roller bag in a tray. Only for Linda to take it out of the tray and audibly huff while she tossed the tray onto another pile of trays.

What do you people want from me?! 

Anyway, off I go to the Nation's Capital. It's only my second time in Washington, D.C. And the first time hardly counts, since it was just a drive-through on a trip to my ex-boyfriend's DUI court case 16 years ago.

Judge threw it out, by the way.

But this trip will certainly be a change of pace from the last week that I've spent in the heartland — the part of Illinois where you don't have to worry about drive-by shootings, and everyone hates JB Pritzker, the governor.

On Saturday, my husband and I took Rocky to Starved Rock State Park near Utica to go for a hike and a dip in the river. And let me tell you, not only was this hike delightful AF, but Utica is a cool little town. We stopped for post-hike beers at Lodi Tap House. Top-notch burgers, sinful cheese curds, tons of brews on tap and super dog-friendly.

Can't recommend it enough.

Speaking of dogs, reader Ron W. sent a photo of his new pup, Sawyer. And I think I speak for all of us when I say: He's a beaut. 12/10. Would snuggle.

And while we're at it, let's go ahead and dive into the rest of the mailbag.

What's Your Most Embarrassing Moment?

Last week, I told you about my cringe-worthy moment where I asked a blind person (I didn't know she was blind) to take a photo for me at a wedding. I asked y'all to send me your own most embarrassing moments to make myself feel better.

And naturally, you didn't disappoint. Let's all cringe together!

John from the Middle of Kansas:

Once upon a time, I was a sales rep for a liquor distributor. The owner of one of my top accounts was thought of by some to be a complete asshole (though I got along with him just fine). He was a war veteran who lost his leg in Vietnam. He had a prosthetic, but it often gave him trouble. When he had trouble with the prosthetic, he’d go without it, hopping his way around the store on one leg faster than anybody else could do on two legs.

One weekend, I blew out my ankle in a volleyball tournament.  On the following Monday, I was on crutches with a cast on my leg when I called on this account. The owner calls out, "John, how are you doing?" My response: "Not bad for a one-legged man!"

He laughed at me for being such an idiot.

Jon C:

I had just given a talk at church about my recent medical missions trip to China. I was standing in the foyer taking questions afterwards. A woman in her early 30s, wearing an obvious maternity shirt and still looking like she was carrying some pregnancy weight gain,* asked about how much vacation time did such a trip take. 

I said 10 days minimum but 14 days was best to help recover from jet lag. She said she didn’t have that much time off. I said, maybe you can use some of your leftover maternity leave. That is when she introduced me to her baby, her 10-year-old son.  Where was the blaring of trumpets and the beginning of Armageddon when you needed it?

* spent my career working at a pediatric/maternity hospital so I know the look but also should have known better

Phil S: 

I work retail management and worked for Spencer’s for a while. You can expect the customer service to be different there. One day, these 2 girls in their early 20s walk in, and I greet them, "hey, how are you today?" And they just blow right past me, not acknowledging me at all. So I say, "Ok I’ll just stand here and go fuck myself I guess." 1 of them saw me say this and turned to me, pointed to her ear and then mouthed the words "We’re deaf." 

Needless to say, I felt like a giant asshole and the rest of the management team never let me live that down.

Debbi R:

My husband and I were working in the yard one weekend. A couple I had never seen drove into our driveway and got out. My husband said it was a cousin of his and his wife. They had not attended our wedding due to a previous commitment. We took them inside, poured sweet tea and sat down for a chat. The conversation rolled around to crazy family members of theirs and some of their insane antics. We were all laughing and the stories kept coming. 

At this point, I was barely part of the conversation, choosing to listen to them catch up. As the stories got crazier and crazier, I decided to chime in with the only story I knew about my husband’s family. 

"What about that crazy couple who have married and divorced four times in the last 20 years?" I exclaimed.

Everyone stopped laughing. "That would be us," the wife stated, obviously upset that was the only story I knew. 

I, too, wanted to disappear like Homer Simpson. The conversation died and they abruptly left. Thankfully, my husband was not upset at all. He thought it was hysterical.

Sherri T:

About the embarrassing moments… don't "sext" your husband while texting your co-worker at the same time. Easy to get those chats confused. That's all I'll say.

About That New Will Smith Song

I told my husband yesterday that Will Smith has a new song. He asked if it was "about not liking to watch his wife with other dudes and trying to convince us he's not gay."

I said, "Ya know, kind of!"

I know, I know. I shouldn't stereotype. Plenty of straight men own multicolored pop art Marilyn Monroe shirts.

The downfall of Will Smith is actually kind of bonkers. Has any celebrity ever fallen from grace quite like The Fresh Prince has? This guy went from cool as a damn cucumber to a laughingstock.

I also learned this week that he turned down massive roles in The Matrix, Inception AND Severance. Apparently because the scripts were confusing and he didn't understand them.

Bro.

To redeem him just a little bit, though, someone discovered that if you either slightly speed up or slow down the tempo of "Pretty Girls," it's actually kind of a jam.

Megan Fox & Machine Gun Kelly Announce Baby Name

Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox have reportedly named their new daughter Saga Blade, which sounds less like a child and more like a limited-edition sword you’d find in a World of Warcraft expansion pack. 

Not that I'd expect anything different from a couple who once announced that they "drink each other’s blood for ritual purposes." (That’s not a joke. That’s something they actually said. Out loud. To reporters.)

It also shouldn't be surprising for a guy named Colson who calls himself "Machine Gun."

But really, this is the latest chapter in the ongoing saga (pun very much intended) of celebrities doing everything in their power to make sure their children will never be able to order a Starbucks drink without having to spell it out three times. And finding one of those personalized souvenir keychains with your name on it? Forget about it.

Some Other Weirdest Celebrity Baby Names:

• Apple – Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin
• Kal-El – Nicolas Cage & Alice Kim
• Bronx Mowgli – Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz
• Zuma Nesta Rock – Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale
• Gravity – Lucky Blue Smith & Stormi Bree
• Rocket Zot – Sam Worthington & Lara Bingle
• Audio Science – Shannyn Sossamon & Dallas Clayton
• Pilot Inspektor – Jason Lee & Beth Riesgraf
• X Æ A-12 – Elon Musk & GrimesIs it a baby? A password? A robot uprising in progress? The answer is yes.
• Bear Blaze – Kate Winslet & Ned Rocknroll

Look, not everyone needs to be named Mike or Emma. But weird names for the sake of being weird? Get over yourself.

Stuff I Liked

Oh yeah… Pacers in 7.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.