Lego Crocs Are Real, Horrifying, And Will Run You $150

I am on record many times as OutKick's most outspoken Crocs advocate. 

It's a stance that has gotten me a lot of guff and led to many terrible rumors — no, I don't wear socks with them — but when you're on the right side of history, you stick to your guns.

Sure, I'm embarrassed that I once stood in line outside the Crocs store like it was the hottest nightclub in town. But it will take a lot to make me say that they're not the perfect shoes to throw on to walk the dog, go grocery shopping, or go to court.

That last one is especially true if you're going for an insanity defense.

But even I, an ardent Crocs supporter, am having a hard time defending the new Lego Crocs.

I mean, obviously, I like Crocs. I also don't mind sitting down and getting good and frustrated with Legos.

So, how could this partnership possibly go awry?

Here, I'll show you:

The only thing those are good for is protecting your feet from stepping on Lego blocks. For some reason, that feels like getting stabbed with a white-hot Samurai sword.

And for $150?!

I mean, how do you even walk in those?

Better yet, how do you even drive in them? There's going to be a rash of idiots getting into accidents because their Lego Croc wedges the accelerator. Cops will show up ready to measure skid marks to figure out how the accident happened, only to see someone wearing those, and go, "Case closed. The Lego Crocs idiot was at fault. We've seen enough of these to be certain of it."

Brand collaborations are all the rage these days, but maybe it needs to stop because we're hitting ones that just don't work together. I like Crocs, I like Legos, but do we need them together?

It's like, I really enjoy eating steamed clams, and I also love eating ice cream. The way companies operate now, that would make them say, "This handsome and very funny fella would really like it if Blue Bell partnered with some clam farm to make 'Clam Tracks' ice cream… we can workshop the name later."

The only time this concept worked was when Oreo and Reese's partnered up for some unholy love-children. 

Those were f--king awesome. But everything else needs to stop.

Crocs are Crocs, and Legos are Legos. 

Let's keep it that way.

Jeez… get me some Advil…