Lainey Wilson Can't Sit Still, Matt Leinart Tells Recruits To Shove It & Rod Stewart Is Still Rocking

Top o' the afternoon to ya, lads and lasses, and Happy St. Paddy's Day.

That's all I've got for you. I'm not even Irish. I'm a total poser. A fraud. A cultural appropriator. Someone who has no right to celebrate until September when big-breasted ladies in corsets dance around with massive mugs of beer and lederhosen-clad gentlemen munch on pretzels in the land of my ancestors.

I do love St. Patrick's Day, though. And if I had my druthers, I'd be sitting on a patio with a green beer (or three) and a Reuben right now like the Lord intended. But alas, it's 30 degrees in Nashville and today is one of those days when it's really fishy if you call in sick.

So here I am — gracing you with Tuesday Nightcaps instead of out there acting a fool at a parade.

This old fella would be so proud of me:

But just because I'm being boring today doesn't mean you should be. Because we're not just celebrating the Feast of St. Patrick. We've also got a couple of "First Four" games tonight and a World Baseball Classic title to win.

So grab yourself a pint, split the G and lock in. It's Nightcaps time.

Matt Leinart Is Perfectly Justified

Matt Leinart revealed on a radio show this week that USC has repeatedly asked him to un-retire his No. 11 jersey so that it can be offered to some five-star prospect.

Matt's answer? Abso-f*cking-lutely not. And I don't blame him. 

There are some people who swear that retiring jersey numbers, particularly in college, is a nonsensical practice. And if you're in that camp, that's fine. Go argue with your mom. Because that's not what this is about.

Matt is a Heisman Trophy winner and a College Football Hall of Famer who spent his entire collegiate career at USC and led the Trojans to a national championship. (Yes, it was vacated after the Reggie Bush scandal, but that's not the point, either.)

The fact is USC did retire Matt's number.

The school trying to renege on that years later to appease some 17-year-old brat who will collect a few million dollars and then may or may not enter the transfer portal after one season is mad disrespectful.

Stay strong, Matt, and tell 'em to sit on it.

Rod Stewart Is Still Doing Rod Stewart Stuff

Since we're already throwing it back with the Happy Days reference, let's just go ahead and stay in the 1970s for a minute.

There is nothing you can say that will make me dog on Rod Stewart. I simply will not do it. 

The man is a gosh damned treasure. Aside from the fact that it's banger after banger with this guy, he also gave us one of the most unintentionally funny music videos of all time.

My family and I like to take trips to the mountains and rent a cabin for a few days. (Stay with me, we're looping back around here…) One of our favorite late-night pastimes is getting on YouTube and pulling up old music videos — some are iconic, some are hilarious, some we forgot existed. It's a good time.

If there's one video that gets everyone both dancing and simultaneously spitting their drink out their nose laughing, it's this baby right here:

I will never understand how he even got those pants on.

But if there was any doubt how much I love Rod Stewart, here's a fun fact: "Rhythm of My Heart" was the recessional song at my wedding. (In case you don't know, that's the song that's played at the end when the bride and groom, along with the wedding party, walk back up the aisle and exit the venue.) Actually, my husband chose it. One of his few contributions to the wedding planning process, but it was a gem.

Picture this… music builds, bagpipes play, the bride and groom kiss then throw their arms in the air, "OH THE RHYTHM OF MY HEART IS BEATING LIKE A DRUM," everyone celebrates, then a parade of happy people march up the aisle, dancing and heading for the bar.

Electric city.

WHAT A JAM. Sheesh. I am ready to run through a wall right now. 

You can steal that for your own wedding if you want.

Anyway, that was a long walk down memory lane just to inform you that, at 81 years old, Rod Stewart is still at it. He's touring! 

But some miserable losers on social media are trying to send him out to pasture.

To hell with all of you. Rod Stewart's still got it.

Hot Girl Section: Feat. Lainey Wilson

In case y'all haven't figured out the pattern on Nightcaps and Screencaps, there has to be at least one story or embedded post from a good-looking lady to keep our numbers up. 

Because, frankly, a lot more of you are inclined to click on a picture of Lainey Wilson than on a picture of Rod Stewart.

So here's Lainey Wilson.

Lainey just released a new single called "Can't Sit Still." She did an interview about this song, where she explains that she is like an "ADHD squirrel" at home. She might be "doing the dishes" and "doing something in the fridge" at the same time.

Which really just sounds like a normal person cleaning their kitchen. Throw in a load of laundry and yelling at the dog to stop digging in mud and you've got my typical Tuesday afternoon, baby. 

Look, not to dunk on Lainey, but people self-diagnosing themselves with ADD or ADHD is one of my pet peeves. Like "OMG I multi-task sometimes. I get bored easily. I'm so ADD!" 

No you're not. Just like you're not "OCD" for wanting your throw pillows lined up.

Cool outfit, though.

Let's open the mailbag.

Dennis W. Graces Us With A Photo Of Good Girl, Clover.

Kind of perfect for St. Patrick's Day.

Dennis Writes: Where's my treat?

Readers Weigh In On L.A. Marathon Shortcuts

Last week we talked about the 2026 L.A. Marathon, where runners were given the option of ending their race at 18 miles (as opposed to the full 26.2) and still receiving a finisher medal.

Dave B. Writes: Next year they will probably award prizes to the first 3 to make it to the 18-mile mark, and to be sure the 18-milers don’t feel "less than" the prizes will be equivalent to the full marathon winners.

Bill in SC Writes: I was a runner till my knees said no more and I miss it.  Anyone who would take a medal for finishing the race, but not finish that race is scum. That person has no personal pride or integrity and is not someone I want to know.

Richard M. Writes: It’s not 100% certain to be a true story, but Herodotus reports that the Athenian soldier Pheidippides ran the first Marathon in 490 BC after the Greek victory over the Persians at the town of Marathon (~25 miles from Marathon to Athens) with the added disadvantages of (1) having fought in the battle himself and (2) wearing his armor.  Having reported the victory, he promptly died. So no participation ribbons for people who run 18 miles!

The first modern marathon in the 1896 Olympics was set to 25 miles based on Pheidippides’s run, but in 1908 London Olympics they extended it so it could start at Windsor Castle and end in front of the Royal Box at White City Stadium.

Amber:

A history lesson on classic television, Rod Stewart and marathons. This is why Nightcaps readers are the most well-rounded folks on the Internet.

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OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.