Kayla Wallace From 'Landman' Slips Into A Dress That Has The Internet Talking, March Madness Milk & Doug's Out
College basketball gamblers are calling me a hero this morning for my message at the end of Tuesday Screencaps
Here's what I wrote in my closing:
I hate to give out gambling advice, but Akron is -4.5 tonight at Toledo. The Zips are 15-1 in the conference and Toledo (16-13) is coming off a 13-point loss to 9-20 Buffalo. Six days ago, Toledo lost by 40 to Kent State. Those of you who follow Toledo men's basketball know that this is the time of year when this program sinks like a rock. Have they mailed it in?
Then I went off and totally forgot all about what I wrote. I didn't even bet the game. I'm not much of a gambler these days. After years of gambling on websites and throwing my money at a variety of projects and stupid college football bets — Vince Young on the road at Kansas in an easy cover spot still haunts me — I throw my money into the stock market like a responsible adult.
But I know a solid gambling spot when I see one.
This morning, I was greeted with the following messages after Akron won 96-87.
— Adam in Baltimore was reading:
I know you wrote yesterday that "hate to give out gambling advice" but I took your tip on Akron (-4.5 vs. Toledo) and texted it word for word to a group of degenerate gambling friends in a text group we've aptly named "Horse Racing Fools."
Suffice it to say the tip was devoured by most in the group, to the point where one who works in Washington D.C. (where sports gambling isn't allowed) was frantically texting the group asking if anyone could log into his Fanduel account and place the bet for him before tip-off.
He wanted to bet "the balance" in his account, which turned out to be $484. His rationale? "It will just sit there until next football season."
Well, he got the bet in, and the back-and-forth texts that followed as Akron stormed out to a 45-24 halftime lead (I was called Jimmy the Greek at this point), only to see Toledo score 63 points in the second half, were classic.
Alas, the Zips held on to win and cover, netting my buddy a nice little haul. Of course, his last text after all of this drama read, "What's next?" We never learn ...
Keep it up!
Kinsey:
As I told Adam, that is a Total Toledo Basketball Move scoring 63 2nd half points only to lose by nine. That is the torture I've had to live through with this program for three decades, especially this time of year. This program hasn't been to the NCAA Tournament since 1980. In order to do that, you have to consistently fold like a cheap suit in March.
I don't know much about college basketball these days, but I know MY Rockets like the back of my hand.
— Bill was on cloud nine after reading my college basketball advice:
There are not many guys in this world that I think I would get along with as well as you! Screencaps is my favorite thing to read every day, my dad loves it, and you just seem like a great dude and down-to-earth voice of the hardworking, America and God-loving people!
Great call on the Akron spread (though I was starting to sweat it a little at the end)...in a world that gives us a million talking heads with dumb picks, you found a nice gem there for those paying attention.
I decided I'm going to earmark the $250 I won in case I ever meet you someday. Would love to treat you to a steak dinner and some beers.
Keep up the great work. There are not enough guys like you with a platform that truly brings people together.
— Dave in NE Ohio was reading the fine print on Tuesday:
Good call on that Toledo-Akron betting line. Toledo came out flatter than a pancake in the first half. I hope you made some money by following your own advice.
Akron’s first win at UT since the beginning of Obama’s second term got me thinking.
John Groce is 163-87 at Akron, where he landed after being canned by Illinois (despite going 95-75). He got the Illini job after going 85-56 at Ohio, including NCAA tournament wins over Georgetown, Michigan and USF. He has thrived at the mid-major level but might not get another chance at big money, despite probably being at least as good as many who are at that level.
Nate Oats used a similar MAC record with Buffalo as a springboard to the head job at Alabama, where he’s turned the Crimson Tide into a Top 10 program, including a trip to the Final Four.
Historically, Illinois would’ve been considered a more desirable position than Alabama, with Chicago offering a potential never-ending pipeline of talent.
Was Oats lucky (in terms of Saban as AD allocating resources toward the basketball program when he got there) or just that good? What other coaches are in line to get big money offers? What big school coaches should be relegated back a level or two?
Kinsey:
Dave, I wish I could answer your college basketball questions. All I know for sure is that Toledo basketball coach Tod Kowalczyk has been at the school for 15 years, has seven regular season titles and ZERO trips to the NCAA Tournament.
Tod isn't in line to get a big money offer, that's for sure.
Let's investigate!
— Donny D. asks:
Who is the hottie sitting next to Musk?
Kinsey:
No clue. Even Musk's Grok AI can't figure it out.
Are there any hot Dems?
— David in Cumming, Georgia asks:
Watching the highlights of the President’s address at the State of the Union. Serious question…is there a single attractive democrat in the House or Senate? Maybe AOC but she/her/bartender has to be an outlier, right? Anyone else?
Kinsey:
Based on what I hear from my buddies and anecdotally on the Internet, AOC is it. MAGA has a love/hate relationship with that woman. It's undeniable. I see the tweets. Some of you guys are bad at hiding your infatuation with the ex-bartender.
Readers react to Rex's message about how he enjoys Screencaps for the variety of stories he reads on a daily basis
— Brian D. backs up Rex:
I'm new here, about a month. I want to say that what Rex see's is exactly what I've seen. While I like to golf and drink beers and cut my grass, I'm nowhere near at the same caliber at both as most of the young guys I'm almost 60, who write in.
But the many stories I've read this past month have had me laughing out loud to crying at my work desk, not a good sight.
The advice to the new dad Millennial Jesse had me tearing up because it got me thinking about my two boys who are grown up now, ages 28 & 32, but the advice was spot on. They turned out great and are doing well. Thank you for the content and by the way I enjoy following the Ts, what an awesome trip for them and all of us for that matter.
Kinsey:
I can't remember which reader it was, but he told me the advice emails to Millennial Jesse had him on the phone to his own parents. Those messages hit home for many readers. Last week was a great week for this column.
— CB tells me:
Just finished the column this morning. The comment by Rex liking the passion of the other readers what they care about and your answer about helping to narrate life got me thinking. As veteran myself, just about any cause that supports vets hits home with me. I’ve been fortunate, I have a stable job, a great marriage, kids that are thriving, and a ton of good memories of my time in the Navy. I saw this video by a gent named Zach Rushing.
He does some comedy and has an outdoor sports company (#NotSponsored) and he raises money for some good causes. I don’t know if you can share this link with the Screencaps audience, but in this particular video he relates a story about taking an aging vet hunting. Zach has made it a mission of his charity to help vets who are not as able as they once were to get outdoors.
As someone who loves the outdoors, this simple video hit home for me. If there is any way to share this with the Screencaps community it would be appreciated. I understand if you can’t do it for whatever reason, but I figure it’s always "No" unless you ask.
Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings. Do hard things and crush the week.
The anonymous Army mom who can't get any information out of Fort Sill thanks you for all your help
I forwarded several emails to Anonymous. You guys were a big help.
How to tell your kids they're not getting all the fancy baseball gear while noting that's not what will make you successful in sports
— Erin in PA writes:
Joe,
I wrote in a few years ago thanking you for giving my husband an outlet to enjoy content on a daily basis. He’s still locked in with Caps and is a daily reader (thanks again). You may recall the story of him being upset I scheduled our rehearsal dinner on a TNML day.
Anyway, he’s since gotten over that (I think) and we welcomed our son into the world 7 months ago. Since readers are dishing out advice for new parents - congrats to Jesse - I’d like to ask a question of my own:
Any advice on instilling in your children that it’s not the gear you use or wear that’s going to make you successful in sports?
Last night, I went with my sister and nephew to buy baseball gear for my nephew’s upcoming season. After an hour of trying on spikes, testing bats, looking at batting gloves and flavored (who knew) mouth guards, I was amazed at the startup costs for a 7-year-old to play baseball…$300 bats? $115 batting gloves? $25 Jolly Rancher mouth guards? I was initially confused why he was looking at mouth guards for baseball, but then I remembered some of his fielding displays last year, and maybe he does need it haha.
Note: My nephew didn’t get all the high-end stuff, but it was all over the baseball section at the store.
Sports were a major part of my upbringing and taught me so much, looking "cool" was the least beneficial part of playing the game. However, I don’t expect my 7-year-old nephew to understand that, and in his defense, all of the "stuff" is marketed to have kids beg their parents to buy it (ex. Batting gloves with lightning bolts).
We have a ways to go before our little one is ready to lace ‘em up, but it was an eye-opening experience and aligns well with the latest topic on Caps. I am interested in people’s thoughts and opinions!
Kinsey:
Erin, good to hear from you. This husband and wife team were superstars around here back in like 2022 or 2023. I'm losing track of the years at this point.
I wouldn't even begin to explain to a 7-year-old that he/she doesn't need the trendy gear for sports. Last year, Screencaps the III swung a bat like he was swinging a telephone pole. It was like an NFL hopeful offensive lineman running a 6.25 40-yard-dash. It was painful.
He wasn't even presented with the option to get an expensive bat.
Batting gloves? LOL, nope.
New glove? Nope, the one you have — that your older brother broke in perfectly over the years — is still in excellent shape.
Sliding mitts? You'll never need them. Can't steal.
Helmet? You get a hand-me-down.
Now, as he gets older and shows more interest in the sport, we can start negotiations. Last year, I figured out which size glove Screencaps Jr. needed and went shopping on eBay where used gloves are broken in. $50 later, he had a very nice Rawlings glove that required ZERO work to get into game shape.
Erin, let's cut to the chase: Parents need to have a backbone.
The lack of backbone is why we have Stanley-succin' loud-mouth travel ball moms running around this country begging for Facebook friends to buy Super Bowl squares and to come to the car wash the kids are working on a blazing-hot Saturday in July when they should be at a pool being kids.
Dan Patrick might be full of s--t or just unaware of other early analytical data experts from the NFL
— Lee D. in Tampa would like a word with Dan Patrick and the claim that his father might've invented analytics in football while working as a computer guru at the University of Dayton:
Cool story on Dan Patrick's dad (read about this yesterday, somewhere) but if Patrick is trying to gloss his old man as some sort of revolutionary or pioneer, that just demonstrates his lack of knowledge of football history.
In the early 1960s, maybe 1961, Tex Schramm and Gil Brandt, with the help of IBM, started using analytics with the Cowboys. Schramm got the idea of football analytics from IBM when he learned IBM could track the speed of skiers in the Winter Olympics using a rudimentary tool later known as a computer chip.
When Brandt was still alive and working for SiriusXM NFL Radio, I heard him a few times talk about starting analytics in the early days of the Cowboys.
(Right around the time Patrick claims his dad birthed football analytics, there's an old NFL Films clip of George Allen on the sidelines mocking the Cowboys for their "computers.")
Were the Cowboys the first to use analytics in football? Not sure, but they were at it over a decade before Patrick claims his old man started it.
Now, to help ease the bruise of Dayton, perhaps Patrick's old man was the pioneer of college football analytics. However, it's hard to believe that someone in college didn't learn of Schamm's brainchild in the 10-plus years from the time Schramm introduced analytics to the Cowboys until the time Patrick claims his dad launched analytics.
So yeah, just another reason to hate the Cowboys.
Let's see some MEAT!
— Mike T. spotted some today in Rome:
Mercato Centrale Termini railway station, Rome, Italy
And then a shot of the Focaccia lineup in the same railway station:
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And that is it for this Wednesday in early March. I DO NOT have any last-minute basketball gambling advice. You got one winner out of me this week.
Let's go get after it today. Go dominate that retirement round of golf in Florida. Go dominate that marketing meeting. Go win the day and never forget how fortunate we are to live in the greatest country in the history of the world.
Email: joe.kinsey@outkick.com