Did Ikea Just Fire An Opening Salvo In A Burgeoning Hot Dog War With Costco?
Are we about to witness the start of a battel for cheap, post-shopping hot dog supremacy?
When it comes to stores where you can buy a bunch of stuff that you don't need and then grab a quick lunch, two titans stand above the rest: Costco and Ikea.
And while Ikea has spent most of its time slingin' Swedish meatballs that you eat after buying a bookshelf that will be so hard to put together you end up in marriage counseling, Costco has dominated the hot dog game.
But Ikea would now like a word… just not stateside.
READ: FLORIDA COSTCO ARGUMENT TURNS VIOLENT AS EMOTIONS BOIL OVER
The Swedish furniture retailer unloaded a new hot dog offering, but it appears to only be available in the United Arab Emirates. It comes in at a whopping half-meter, which is a unit of measurement I don't think has ever been used in hot dog circles.
First of all, something feels wrong about hot dogs being talked about in metric terms. I understand that's how they do it over there, but I feel it should only be in terms of inches or feet.
Certain things have certain units that just make sense. Imagine if you asked how tall I was — 5-foot-10; Nature's perfect height — but I gave it to you in cubits.
You'd think I was a total tool.
A handsome one, but still.
Also, half a meter is around 20 inches. That's a lot of dog, dog. Now, it's a deal at 19 Dirham ($5.17), but if you decide to go it alone, you'll be trudging through Ikea in some serious agony.
You might even have to lie down in one of those pretend bedrooms they've got.
I'm also not a fan of Ikea trying to get into the hot dog game, but not going all in and coming to American shores to compete with the big dogs.
If they do, I think we might need to go on a field trip to try it out.
Right now, there's nothing better than downing a Costco dog after buying a giant box of granola bars, a sack of apples, and a case of seltzer water and then playing "Chopsticks" on the digital piano that is always sitting out.
Maybe the only thing that could top it is downing 20 inches of glizzy after perusing some Skönabäck couches.