I Want To Drink With The Florida Man Who Drove His Truck Into The Ocean
It's not my fault "the truck don't surf," crazy Florida Man Jason Brzuszkiewicz told the Volusia County Sheriff's office after they finally caught up to him and his truck on New Smyrna Beach on Tuesday morning.
"I thought I was in England," the guy who goes by Bird on Facebook told deputies. When told he wasn't in England, the wild man quipped, "Are we not in Kansas anymore?"
And with that, I'll have what Bird, 49, is having. Name a bar. Name a beach. I want in. Let's drink.
(via Volusia County Sheriff's Office)
A quick check of Jason Brzuszkiewz's Facebook page revealed what I suspected: The Bird Man is wild, has had a variety of what look like interesting jobs, and looks like he's straight out of central casting of what I'm looking for when I want to drink with a real Florida Man.
There are tats. There are guns. There's fire. There's WWE wrestling mentions from the early 1990s. There are chainsaws. Four-wheelers. Motorcycles. And beers.
"Was on my way to st Thomas when all hell broke loose," Bird quipped on Facebook after getting out of jail.
He wasn't done with the jokes.
"Just took a leisurely drive down the beach when all hell broke loose. I had a seizure while driving on the beach and almost ended up in Tahiti! Another one for the books," he said Tuesday night.
"You'd do anything for attention," a friend fired back.
Bird didn't miss a beat.
"I'm kinda like a stripper without a pole," he joked.
Bird, if you're reading this, send me an email. I need to hear about your other antics. While this is your highest-profile moment in the limelight, I feel like there are other stories from the road that we need to hear about.
No, I'm not working for the prosecution. In fact, before you weirdos think I'm some kind of narc, Bird is only up for a simple misdemeanor for failing to pay the beach access fee.
I just see the value in Great Americans who decide on a random Tuesday that it's time to take the truck for a swim.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com