I Just Watched Lizzo's Bizarre First Pitch So Now You Have To Too
Think Lizzo likes being the center of attention?
I was under the impression that Lizzo had gotten MeToo-ed or canceled, or whatever, but that must have only applied to Fat Lizzo, because Less-Fat Lizzo was at Dodger Stadium earlier this week throwing out what is almost without question the most obnoxious ceremonial first pitch I have ever seen in my entire life.
Now, this happened a few days ago, but the Dodgers were so busy grandstanding against ICE — even though they clearly can't even tell the difference between ICE and Border Patrol agents — that Lizzo's first pitch got overshadowed.
Had that not happened, this strange first pitch would probably have dominated the news cycle.
Lizzo came out onto the field, flailing her arms and waving to the crowd. I'm a reasonable (and very handsome) man, so I've got no problem with that.
She then set up shop on the rubber, which, I'll be honest, almost won me over. If she was going to wind up and fire one from the rubber, I might have to become a Lizzo fan.
But that's not what she did. She faked a wind-up and then took a few steps forward, something that would be funny if done once. Had she thrown then and there, that'd be a solid first pitch.
She did not do that.
I lost count, but I think she did it around half a dozen times, before doing some weird bowling move, and then running back to the mound.
It was around 30 seconds between stepping on the mound and throwing the ball into the grass about 20-25 feet short of home plate, and that tells me one thing: Lizzo really likes attention.
She found herself in the middle of a baseball stadium with thousands of people watching. Sure, they're there to watch baseball and not her, but dammit, it's the Lizzo Show.
In my humble opinion, first pitch throwers should go out there, wave to the crowd, throw the pitch, and then amscray so we can get the game underway.
I mean, John Daly set the bar pretty high a few years back with what is, for my money, the greatest first pitch ever, aside from when George W. Bush threw a perfect strike during the 2001 World Series.
Poetry in motion.
Hopefully, Lizzo reviews the game tape, and if given first pitch honors again, she'll speed things up a little bit.