Hockey Goalie Mikayla Demaiter In A Red Bikini For Tiger, Donald J. Trump Mugshot Memes & Derek Jeter Being Dad
I finished watching Swamp Kings and couldn't wait for it to end
Let's be honest, it felt like the producers of this Netflix four-parter on the Urban Meyer era at Florida stuffed the viewer inside a washing machine and hit spin cycle. It was a mess. It felt like I was watching some cheap Amazon documentary with bad audio, bad video, bad lighting, bad script writing, bad production.
It was an NFL Films season in review on ESPN at 2 in the afternoon back in 1996. It was like allowing interns their first shot at producing a documentary.
You hype up the Florida Gators like one of the biggest partying, gun-toting units in college football history and then we don't hear a single good story about some banger party or like Aaron Hernandez attempting to kill someone. We hear Chris Rainey say something about how there were girls fainting and girls everywhere.
Give us something, Netflix. Dive into that party scene. Dive into possible murders by Hernandez. Give us drugs, strippers, guns & sex.
We know what happened in the SEC Championship games and the national championships. We know Urban was having heart issues.
We want salacious. I would've even taken at least one quote on what Tebow thought of f-bombs and his teammates living drenched in sin.
And then Netflix gave us an Urban and Tim infomercial.
You know I'm not a big bandwagon guy and I'm not just going to join the chorus of those on Cool Twitter who hated the series. Trust me, it hates to align my thinking with Cool Twitter.
But they're right, it's brutal.
It was actually a relief when Swamp Kings ended with Tebow joining his old teammates for a cookout on a dock at some lake as the sun was setting. Fade to black couldn't come soon enough.
Life after multiple decades in travel ball
• Brian writes:
For all the travel ball hardos – this is my first fall with no travel ball/sports for anyone since I was probably 5. My youngest moved into the dorm this past week after a travel ball tourney two weeks ago. Between my dad, myself, her, and the two boys I’ve been doing the travel softball/soccer/hockey/tennis circuit going on 35ish years.
Growing up my dad played semi-pro hockey in Ontario on weekends from Oct-Mar and it just became a way of life for me. He was on a US-based team as we lived in Michigan and all the games were in Canada. We didn’t go to all of them, but on a lot of Friday's it was get in the car, drive to some town in Ontario with a great hockey barn and spend the weekend in a motel (hotel if it was Toronto!).
They played for less $ than their travel costs most weekends, but it wasn’t about that – it was for the love of the game (great movie). I also had my own travel baseball/hockey when I was growing up starting around 8, then right out of college I coached a Babe Ruth team with turned into a request to coach a travel ball (AAU) team. I also tried to latch on with some minor league hockey teams for a few years, bouncing around for cups of coffee in the lowest of low leagues before getting married. Great memories, no regrets - I shot my shot.
I married someone who already had a son and he was in the early travel ball stage for both hockey and soccer. A few more kids later, and it’s been non-stop for almost 40 years for me. For the first time EVER now when I travel to watch games all I need to bring is myself. No more coolers, pop-up tents, chairs, mid-week shopping for snacks/drinks, etc.
No more coordinating things with other parents. No more hotel lobby drinking and ordering pizza in the evenings with the other moms and dads. No more trying to get caught up at work Thursday night so I can leave early Friday to drive 5 hours to whatever city we’re playing in that weekend. No more lots of stuff. It’s a bit relaxing, but a bit sad all at once.
And thanks to a certain four-letter network with a + sign next to their name I can watch almost all of it online from my screened in porch. The older ones played before all the streaming stuff hit so I would try to travel as much as I could to watch them. Lots of times the wife and I had to split up – one goes to here, the other goes there. Ones playing in Orlando, the other in Cincy. Lots of those weekends. But it was all so normal that I never really noticed.
I think I've driven on 85% of all the interstates in SEC and ACC territory and a solid 50% of Big 10 land. Not a whole lot of time spend in PAC-Irrelevant Land, or Big 12 turf. I've seen more airports for sports than work.
Flying for work is so easy compared to traveling for hockey or softball or even tennis. There were times that going to work was a vacation from the travel ball chaos. Looking back it all seemed normal though. I think retirement from travel ball will take some getting used to. It’s been very rewarding in ways that are hard to explain. It’s not the “scholarship” reward that paid off (equivalency sports and all), it was the life experience, dealing with pressure, being part of a team, recovering from injuries and playing through pain, and other things that money can’t buy I learned when playing and I was able to pass on to my family and help them through.
We did have one who played until age 13 and said "I don't want to do this anymore" or something like that and we said no problem. And one turned down their fifth year of eligibility (Covid) and all we did was make sure they were sure before they walked away. Both stung me a bit, but I never want to be that parent that turns their kids into the next Todd Marinovich.
Kinsey:
I had to ask Brian: What now? How will you fill your free time?
• Brian's response:
Really not sure. I'm doing my best to not be a helicopter parent - she's 4 hours away. When the boys went to school I did the old joke (was it Ron White, Jeff Foxworth, or someone else?) that I "pinned a $20 bill on their shirt and wished them luck," but with a daughter it's just different.
I do have quite a few golf weekends planned (Myrtle Beach mid-September) and some tailgating as well when I can bum some UT tickets from friends. I gave up my UT season tickets several years ago once I realized we were only going to 3 games a year at most. I also reached out to some old friends to get back into the beer league hockey scene.
Travel ball is not the villain many make it out to be if you have the right intentions in mind. We were never looking for pro-league anything, or even scholarships. It was the life experience outside the classroom I had growing up. As I said earlier, I grew up traveling to my dad's games and then suddenly they were driving me around for mine, and then it all just seemed normal as I assumed everyone did this.
Drugs and guns
• Glyn writes:
Gotta love the south.
Kinsey:
To be fair, Glyn, that store wouldn't be out of place in northern Michigan or in Preble County, Ohio.
Disgusting behavior!
To be fair, Dunkin® brought out its pumpkin drinks like two weeks ago. Now I root for blazing hot temps through September 23 to really challenge the suburban moms who drink this stuff to fake enjoy their hot drinks when it's 90 in NW Ohio.
• Ridge Runner writes:
I will not slam a broadhead through the boiler room that stud buck hanging out the Back 40 until AFTER Sept. 23.
Life with the CPAP
• Louie in Savannah writes:
I wanted to weigh in with some CPAP insight.....
I have been using one for over a year and its a game changer. I am sure it's not for everyone, I know guys who have gotten them but cant get used to sleeping with the mask on. I know there is a new treatment where you can have a chip implanted near your brain and you can turn it on and off, seems a bit "big brother" for me but I may get there some day.
You know I am a bigger guy, love weight lifting, good food, and beer, the barrel chest and big shoulders are a major factor in sleep apnea. My doc told me if you have over an 18 in neck, you're some (can't remember exactly) number more likely to have it.
I have been with my wife since we were in our late 20's and she was wanting me to get a CPAP shortly after we moved in together, even when I was younger and skinner I snored like a bear. I thought they were for old people and didn't want to entertain it. I finally had an epiphany two years ago when I was sleeping 7-9 hours a night and still fighting the sleep monster every afternoon. My wife would record me and I'd stop breathing for damn near a minute at a time but never wake up. I had no recollection of being recorded or tossing and turning.
I had to do a sleep study which was weird and I got approved to get a CPAP in Fall of'21, in the height of the computer chip crisis. CPAP's have chips in them and you know they aren't a priority for computer chips. I finally got one last summer and it's been a game changer. I sleep 6-7 hours a night and wake up before my alarm most days. I fly around like a humming bird all day and rarely drink energy drinks anymore (Just a Red Bull @ Rusty Rudders for the ride home after a long day).
As far as the procedure for peeing in the middle of the night, I don't typically have to wake in the middle of the night unless I've had a few. The mask has a quick disconnect for the hose so I just release that and walk into the bathroom like Bane. I am so used to it that I can hook it back up after in the pitch black so I don't wake the misses. I close the bathroom door and flip the light on while peeing, I don't have any issue falling back to sleep after. Like I said, if I'm up peeing, I have had a few so no problem falling back to sleep.
Taking a leak with the CPAP
• Jason in Lynchburg, VA writes:
I have had a CPAP since 2011. I almost always wake up around 3 or so and have to head to the bathroom. I just turn machine off and take off mask. No biggie.
On the subject of lights, for some reason, we have a plug on the back wall below and beside the toilet tank. My wife put in a very low output night light that only comes on in the dark. It’s the perfect amount of light to handle your business.
• Clayton in Ohio writes:
My solution. Nice urinal by the bed like in the hospital. Wake up, pee, reseal and go back to sleep. Simple.
Taking a leak at night and Respecting Summer
• Clyde might've taken his email a little too far. I'll let you guys judge:
Unfortunately, I cannot get on the Sep 23rd train because my wife's birthday is the day before and I always go get her a pumpkin spice latte.
Now haw about this for a curveball. If I am wearing shorts with the drawstring tied, I pull the shorts up at the right leg to pee instead of untying the string.
Yellow jackets and taking a leak
• Danny K. explains:
Just a little note from down here in Georgia yellow jackets are impossible to control in this area! I have a nest in ground by my shop looks like ATL airport at Thanksgiving!!
In and out all day!! The only way to conquer them?? A gallon of gas in the hole as soon as it cools a little!! And at dusk when they’re all planning their next day assault!! Usually does the trick but you have to be sneaky because they will wear your ass out if they get a bead on you!!
As far as that middle to early morning pee session I usually find my way outside!! (Live in the country and woods) thank goodness!!!! Drives the mrs nuts!!! But it gives me another flush for more important business!!!( have a septic tank) I also have found the yellow jackets will build anywhere!!! Attached are a couple of pics from an old microwave cart that was in my shop a couple of years ago!! Notice the size of the queen?? First time I have ever seen one!! Thanks for the fresh air screencaps provide!!!!!#TNML rules!!
Must admit they make a beautiful nest!!
What happened to natural beauty?
• Herb in Roswell, GA writes:
I will probably be in the minority here, but are we going to look back in a decade and wonder what women were doing to themselves? Pretty much all of them now “feature” enormous butt cheeks, duck lips, silly eyelashes, or head-to-toe fake tans. What happened to natural beauty?
Kinsey:
Give me some names of those who still fit the bill of natural beauty from the world of pop culture. Is Jennifer Aniston on the list?
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com
Or tell me on social media.
Mike T. and Cindy T. are on the road
Let's check in with our favorite travelers to see what they're up to.
• Mike T. writes:
We’re traveling to see family. This is the Columbia River Gorge in central Washington state. Quite beautiful!
Now I need a list of the hot items being stolen at Dollar Tree
That's it for this Friday. It's been a wild week in my world. I'll recap it in the morning for those of you who've been following along with my Warren Sapp saga.
Have a great weekend. Enjoy those college football games. Win some money from the sportsbook. And please, I'm begging you, RESPECT SUMMER this weekend. Soak it in. Don't give up on it.
Take care.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com