Here's Why New Year’s Eve Is The Most Overrated Holiday In Human History

It's Wednesday morning — the final Wednesday morning of the year — which means it's time for the final edition of The Gripe Report for the Year of our Lord 2025.

I hope 2025 was good to you, but if not, let's all agree to kick 2026's ass.

Deal?

Good.

Now, while I like that New Year's presents an opportunity to turn the page, I think New Year's Eve might be the worst holiday we have.

Have a gripe? Send it in!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com

I mean, there's just so much about it that drives me insane, but why don't we start with the glasses…

Seriously, what the f--k even is this? (Photo by Marcos del Mazo/LightRocket via Getty Images)

New Year’s Glasses

New Year’s Eve glasses were the best from 2000 to 2009. I mean, what a decade that was for novelty frames. That double-zero in the middle made for perfect glasses.

Then 2010 came along and threw a wrench into the works with that 1 splitting the two 0’s. I think we made it work, but ever since then, New Year’s glasses have been a debacle, and I’m not sure why we even bother with them anymore.

I mean, look at this monstrosity that people are supposed to ring in 2026 with.

Looks like we jumped ahead 18 millennia. Happy 20,260, everybody!

Let’s just all agree to let these novelty glasses go.

Maybe we can cook up something new. 

I submit for your approval, New Year’s propeller beanies. Everyone wears propeller beanies with the year on them. Maybe the propellers could have LED lights on them, and when they spin, they can be programmed to show the year.

…or we could just act like adults and not wear nonsense just because it’s New Year’s Eve.

The Letdown At Midnight

No holiday features as much of a buildup and as little of a payoff as New Year’s Eve.

It’s the Kentucky Derby of holidays. You spend hours getting excited and drinking until you puke, it all crescendos, you smooch your lady, and then it's over in the blink of an eye.

Then you’re all just standing there looking at your friends through 20,260 glasses while surrounded by party popper shrapnel.

"Same time next year?"

It’s not New Year’s Eve’s fault. It’s only really a holiday for like the final four hours of the day.

It’s our fault for acting like it has to be a big to-do when in reality it’s just an appetizer for New Year’s Day.

New Year's Eve is just an appetizer for New Year's Day. (Getty Images)

People Who Don’t Agree That New Year’s Day Is Better Than New Year’s Eve

I can’t believe there are still human beings who walk among us and prefer New Year’s Eve to New Year’s Day.

How is it even up for debate?

New Year’s Eve is like a quarter of a holiday, while New Year’s Day is a full day, complete with New Year’s Six bowl games, and sometimes the Winter Classic.

It’s way better, and yet we still trick a million idiots to stand out in Times Square enduring the cold and pissing themselves because there are no bathrooms (also it’s just kind of the Times Square way; I’m pretty sure the people dressed like Elmo and Spiderman do it nonstop).

Insane.

People Who Blast Fireworks Late At Night

Because New Year’s Eve is so brief and stinks so much, I can understand why people feel it is their duty to liven it up with pyrotechnics.

But does this have to happen as the rest of us are trying to catch some Z’s?

I think the answer is a definitive, "No, no it does not," but you’re still going to get a ton of people celebrating the first hours of the new year by coming perilously close to blowing off some digits with an M80.

I don't know why this has been normalized.

Why, just this week, I was at the grocery store for the second time that day to pick up things I forgot despite multiple reminders from my wife, and I saw a big fireworks display front and center by the registers.

First of all, when did explosives become impulse buys? Secondly, anyone hell-bent on ruining everyone's first sleep of the New Year knows where to get fireworks, even if that means crossing state lines.

All I ask is that you launch one, maybe two, just to satiate the pyromaniac inside you, then give it a rest.

You've got 365 days ahead of you to blow s--t up.

My hometown of Lebanon, Pennsylvania lowers an edible Lebanon bologna (which is being held by the mascot) on New Year's Eve, but other towns don't follow suit and drop stuff themselves. (Photo credit: © Andrew Kulp)

Cities That Don’t Drop Stuff

When I was in college, I got into a discussion about New Year's Eve with some friends. During this discussion, I asked a very simple question: "What did your hometowns drop?"

They looked at me so confused, almost as if I had asked the question in Mandarin.

I thought this was simple: I wanted to know what giant novelty item their town lowered at midnight to ring in the new year, just like the ball in Times Square.

I grew up in Central Pennsylvania, and every town did this. My hometown of Lebanon dropped giant, edible Lebanon bologna.

Lancaster dropped a red rose.

York dropped a white rose.

Harrisburg dropped a strawberry.

Hershey dropped a giant Hershey's kiss.

Mechanicsburg dropped a wrench.

Do you see what I'm saying?

But apparently, this is not the norm across the country, and while I don't necessarily like the idea of standing in the cold watching a seven-foot-long bologna lowered from a crane, I like the idea of towns having objects they drop that are a nod to their history or culture.

Every town across the nation should do this.

Chicago should lower a big deep-dish pizza at midnight.

Las Vegas should drop a big poker chip or an Elvis.

Minneapolis could do a fraudulent daycare center (hey, kept it topical).

Let's step things up, other towns and cities across the nation.

…

That's it for this very special New Year's Eve edition of The Gripe Report.

I hope you've got a happy and fruitful new year ahead of you… But if you don't, how about shooting me an email about it so we can put it in a future edition of The Gripe Report?: matthew.reigle@outkick.com