Gov. Kristi Shows Tim How To Properly Load A Gun, Trump Adds A McNugget And Browns Fans Get Hot & Heavy
Happy early voting day from Florida, where the wacko Dems have told me for months now that my state is … "in play!"
In play.
In play!!!!
Yeah, we're about as much in play as the Dolphins were to being a functional football team yesterday. God, it's amazing how miserable this football season has been for me. My team stinks, my gambling STINKS, and morale is looooooooooooooooooooooooooooow.
But, my state is red. And, at the end of the day, that's all that matters on this third-Monday-of-October. Let's have a week!
On that note, welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we shoot the piss out of some pheasants with Gov. Kristi Noem, who actually knows how to load a gun.
What else? I've got maybe my favorite weekend of #content ever, an avalanche of Trump memes from McDonald's, dead Franco Harris casting his vote for Kamala Harris, and Paige Spiranac opening the week with another slow-mo video.
What a run!
Everyone who is able, jump in a DeLorean and head back to the future – and THEN come back to 2024 and settle in for a Monday 'Cap!
Paige Spiranac struggles to reach 88 MPH
That's right. Today is the day any Back to the Future fan worth his or her salt knows like the back of their hand.
October 21 (2015):
What a trip down memory lane! I've argued for years now that BTTF is one of the greatest trilogies of all time. That's right – all time. It's also one of those rare ones where the middle movie is the best of the three, which also makes it stand out.
Back to the Future II … Empire Strikes Back … Godfather Part II. It's an elite list, and one that certainly makes Marty and Doc stand out.
PS: Young Lorraine from the first movie was every single kid's crush growing up. What a game-changer.
PPS: Sad. Not surprising, but sad:
Yeah, I'm not sure young Lorraine would like this class. Oh well. As is life. Still a great franchise with one of the most perfect main characters of all time.
God, it's a shame what happened to Michael J. Fox. Love that dude. And you know what, he's still out there kicking ass today. The best.
OK, let's see if Paige can get it up to 88 MPH and get the 'ol flux capacitor ignited on a beautiful Monday in October:
What a weekend of #content!
Not quite, but we appreciate the effort from an OutKick OG. And what a run it's been for Paige, too! Dusting off the Velma costume from last year was such a vet move. Nobody does the game better than Pageviews. Nobody.
Now, let's move on because there was so much #content on the internet this weekend that my head is still spinning. And you know what? I got to see all of it on Saturday – even while hosting my kid's third birthday party.
Quick shoutout to the First Lady, who somehow crafted together the most perfect, manageable, digestible toddler-birthday-on-a-Saturday-in-the-fall ever. It was brilliant. She just … made it a small play-date in the morning.
The MORNING! Brilliant. We invited a couple of my daughter's "friends" over (do three-year-olds really have friends?) for a 10 a.m. party, which just consisted of donuts and coffee with the kids running around the house/yard for two hours while the parents yucked it up in the kitchen.
And then, by the time Corso donned the headgear, it was over. Just like that. Party over. Hosting over. Day wide ass open before the noon kickoffs.
Again, a brilliant and perfectly-executed plan by the First Lady. What a woman.
OK, best of the rest from a big weekend of #content! First up? McTrump!
Franco casts a vote, Browns fans are loving it & Gov. Kristi is on the hunt
Playing John Fanta MMQB clips during this class has become a tradition like no other on Mondays this fall, and this one is easily his best.
The pumpkin patch twist at the end was SHOCKING. It was perfect. Didn't see it coming at all, but buddy, I felt it in my plumbs.
John is welcome to this class any day of the week. Dolphins fans know exactly how he feels, week in and week out. Difference is, we can't just go find a pumpkin patch down here because if you put ‘em out too early in October, they’ll all just rot by Day 2. The worst.
Anywho, let's rapid-fire this bad boy into a Monday night doubleheader. First up? Hell, let's stay in Cleveland, where Browns fans were making out and cheering on Deshaun Watson's season-ending injury yesterday:
Anyone out there who is upset at Browns fans for celebrating creepy Deshaun Watson – and yes, he is CREEEEEEPY, don't you dare forget it – today is a piece of crap and I hope you tear your achilles, too. Piss off. He's a bad human, a bad QB, and he got hurt. People cheered. So what? Grow up.
PLAY JAMEIS YOU COWARDS!
PS: congrats to former Nightcaps teacher and miserable Browns fan, Anthony Farris! You don't ever have to root for him again. You are FREEEEE!
Next? It's early, but Ryan Clark may have just locked up the No. 1 seed in this spring's Woke Bracket Challenge:
God, I cannot stand Ryan Clark. He's just so insufferable. And by the way, all the Dems freaking out today because Trump's McDonald's shtick was "staged" … no shit, dummies. You think Trump just showed up to a random McDonald's and started working the grill? Come on! All politics are staged!
I distinctly remember Joe Biden getting vaccinated back in 2021 in literally the most staged, disgusting, pointless event in the history of time. It's all staged. If that's the best ya got after yesterday, you are in TROUBLE.
Finally … happy opening day of pheasant season to all who celebrate! Nothing staged about this, boys and girls. Take notes, Timmy W:
I've said it for weeks now, and I'll keep saying it until the battle is won.
Choose your fighter, folks.
Now, let's go have a big week. The sun is shining, the leaves are falling, and we have two football games tonight.
Imagine being European today.
Yuck.
See you Wednesday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Is Back to the Future an elite franchise? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.