Florida Is Looking For Lunatics Willing To Pay $25 To Wrangle Giant Snakes In The Everglades

Every July, a very specific type of person signs up to pay for the privilege of trouncing through the Florida swamps, sweating through their socks, swatting at mosquitoes the size of hummingbirds, and hunting massive snakes with their bare hands.

It’s called the Florida Python Challenge, and yes, it's real. Officially, it’s a government-sanctioned competition aimed at removing invasive Burmese pythons from the Everglades. 

Think: The Florida Man (or Woman) Olympics.

Burmese pythons are believed to have arrived in South Florida as pets in the 1980s.

(Miami Herald/Tribune News Service via Getty Images)

For 10 glorious days (July 11–20 this year), registered participants can try to catch as many gigantic danger noodles as possible. The person who nabs the most snakes wins $10,000, which might cover your bug spray bill and therapy copay. 

There are also smaller prizes for longest python, military veterans and "novices" who don’t yet know what kind of trauma they’ve signed up for.

Why Is The Florida Python Challenge A Thing?

Burmese pythons are not native to Florida. They’re originally from Southeast Asia and were introduced to the Everglades by some bozos engaging in an exotic pet trade decades ago. When Category 5 Hurricane Andrew wrecked South Florida in 1992, it also destroyed several exotic animal facilities — turning the swamps into a reptile free-for-all.

Reportedly, many python owners also irresponsibly freed their snakes into the wild when they got tired of feeding them mice and other live meals.

Python Huntress Amy Siewe holds an invasive 10-foot Burmese Python.

(D.A. Varela/Miami Herald/Tribune News Service via Getty Images)

Now, there are tens of thousands of these massive constrictors slithering through the Everglades, wreaking absolute havoc on the ecosystem. They’re apex predators with no natural enemies in Florida, and they’ll eat basically anything with a pulse: raccoons, rabbits, deer, birds, bobcats, escapees from Alligator Alcatraz, you name it.

I'm just kidding about that last one. There's no record of a Burmese python ever killing a human in Florida.

But according to the U.S. Geological Survey, there's been as much as a 99% decline in some mammal populations in the Everglades since the python invasion began.

A redneck rodeo, maybe. But the Florida Python Challenge is also important conservation work.

The most efficient time to look for pythons is between the hours of 8 p.m. and 2 a.m. You know, when it's dark, and you can't see the alligators coming.

(Photo by CHANDAN KHANNA/AFP via Getty Images)

Of course, participating in the challenge comes with its own inherent risks. The Everglades are about 95 degrees with 100% humidity this time of year, and teeming with things that bite, sting and swallow you whole. The alligators are probably drooling just thinking about this event.

Here's How It Works

If you’re thinking this is just a bunch of guys with rifles blasting away at snakes in the swamp, think again. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission has laid out very specific rules for the competition.

Participants have to:

• Register online and pay the $25 fee
• Complete a mandatory online training module (including an ID quiz with an 85% passing score)
• Use only non-motorized tools like snake hooks, tongs, and bags. No firearms, dogs or drones allowed.
• Humanely kill the snakes and check them in at official drop-off locations

So apparently my idea of riding a fan boat while dual-wielding machetes would not be acceptable. Which is a real shame. Although I'd probably still get smoked by a dude wearing camo pants with a Busch Light in the pocket yelling, "I got him!" while wrestling 12-foot snakes into laundry bags.

Floridians are just built different.

Anyway, since the Challenge began in 2013, more than 23,000 Burmese pythons have been removed from Florida. And while that’s barely a dent in the population, every snake caught helps.

So if you’ve got $25, a high pain tolerance and an insatiable need to prove your wilderness dominance, the Florida Python Challenge is waiting for you. 

Just bring bug spray. By the gallons.

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