Fellas, Don't Show Your Girl This New Study About Cuddling

Well, guys, it appears science has once again thrown us under the bus.

A new study from Auburn University found that couples who cuddle before they fall asleep receive a myriad of key health benefits.

Now this: 143 "bed-sharing," heterosexual couples were examined for the study, which showed "cuddling at night promotes more secure attachment between partners and lowers stress levels."

While stress levels were shown to significantly drop among the subjects, there was no noticeable increase in sleep quality.

For those of us who enjoy having some time to ourselves to wind down before bed, this should be seen as a death blow. 

Call me a wuss, but I can't sleep unless the conditions are perfect, and that includes a dark room, a YouTube video playlist full of old Nintendo 64 game play-throughs, and a thermostat set to a temperature that would shrivel a polar bear's balls.

What it does not include is having the heat of another human's body being pressed up against mine, love of my life or otherwise.

What's the matter Auburn? Did you get tired of disappointing your football and basketball fanbases so you started adding headaches to married men's lives?

Sorry, I'm lashing out and that's not fair.

Also, notice how it says there was "no noticeable increase in sleep quality."

So, not only do I have to sweat profusely and stick to my wife's shoulder, but I'm not sleeping any better as a result of all that extra work?

"Sleep is one of the most important ways we can manage our physical, relational and mental health," said one researcher from the study.

I couldn't agree more!

That's why I won't be sharing this info with my wife, lest we have to cut into that precious sleep time any more than is already necessary.

It's bad enough having a one-year-old with the internal clock of a farm-raised rooster, so I think I'll table the cuddling with my wife for his teenage years, when we can all sleep in a bit on the weekend.