Did Andrew Cuomo's Botched Answer About His Bagel Order Tank His Mayoral Campaign?

For my money, one of the most fascinating things about politics is when you can pinpoint the moment a campaign completely fell apart. Like when Ol' Hillary called Trump supporters "deplorables" or when poor Howard Dean just got a little too excited.

Well, if Andrew Cuomo isn't the next Mayor of New York City, I think the moment we'll all pinpoint came from an interview he did with The New York Times.

The question that tripped him up? It had to do with his preferred bagel order.

In the piece titled "10 Questions With Andrew Cuomo" by Emma G. Fitzsimmons, most of the questions had to do with issues that the eventual mayor will face, but question No. 9 was designed to be an easy one, but Cuomo completely stepped on his own shoelaces and ate a faceful of pavement while trying to answer it.

"What is your bagel order or favorite breakfast sandwich?" the question read.

"Bacon, cheese and egg on an English muffin, and then I try to take off the bacon, but I don’t really take off the bacon. The bagel I try to stay away from, to keep my girlish figure," the disgraced former Governor of New York said.

…What?!

Andrew Cuomo's horrendous answer to a question about his usual bagel order may have unraveled his mayoral campaign. (Getty Images)

Cuomo Gives Borderline Disqualifying Bagel Answer

There's a lot to address here. First of all, no one in all of recorded history has referred to it as a "bacon, cheese, and egg." It's a bacon, egg, and cheese. That sounds like I'm obsessing over syntax, and I am, but that's because when you mess up the order, you sound like an alien getting used to its synthetic skin suit, trying — and failing — to blend in with Earth's general population.

Secondly, politicians have no qualms about lying on important issues, but for some reason, Cuomo decided that this was the time to get honest with the people and declare his affinity for English muffins over bagels. Didn't we fight the Revolutionary War to get away from those?!

…among other reasons, of course.

This is insane because New Yorkers love bagels. How do I know this? Just tell anyone from New York that there's a good bagel place in your town and they'll spend the next 20 minutes jumping down your throat and telling you why those bagels suck and aren't the Real McCoy despite having never tried them.

So, just lie and say you like an everything bagel, dude. No one is going to look into this. It's not like he'll sneak an English muffin and the next morning the papers are all like, "Wait a second! That flip-flopper told us he liked bagels!" 

So why is this the designated time for transparency? This is the time to lie. Even if you steer clear of carbs entirely, just say you like the sloppiest, greasiest bagel sammich imaginable, and everyone will be like, "Hey, this guy gets me."

Nope, Cuomo went on and said he takes the bacon off of his "bacon, cheese, and egg" muffin, which also makes no sense. Has anyone told him that most places will sell you a sandwich with just egg and cheese? This might blow Cuomo's mind. Think how productive he'll be when he learns he doesn't have to deconstruct his breakfast sandwiches. This fact will save him days' worth of time over the course of his life.

And then lastly, that line about maintaining his "girlish figure" is just such a weird joke to try and stick the dismount on after a potential campaign knee-capping answer about bagels.

Wow. I bet it's been a rough day in Cuomo Campaign HQ (which should be called the "Cuomo Cave" if it isn't already), and I get the feeling they won't be having bagels in the break room for the foreseeable future.