Danica Patrick Chugs Booze in a Bikini to Cap Off Her European Summer, Ric Pumps Iron & NYPD Caught Staring
Danica Patrick wraps up her Euro summer the only way that makes sense ā bikinis, booze, and one last beach send-off before football season.
I'd like to thank ChatGPT for organizing a new contact list that will make it easier than ever before for you to get in touch with me
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Speaking of ChatGPT and the future of writing on the Internet, I asked the app to write an edition of Screencaps to see if it could eliminate my job
Guys, I'm secure — for now.
Here's what the AI cannot replicate: The oddities that pop up in this column like me taking Screencaps Jr. and Screencaps the III to where I grew up playing Little League baseball.
AI cannot replicate the spontaneity of the human mind. Now, if that changes, I'm screwed, but its ability to juggle Little League baseball and tractor pulls in the same column just doesn't exist.
The Internet writers who provide a human connection to other humans will be the last men standing. The edition of Screencaps produced by ChatGPT was my tone, but it cannot come up with things like how hit a Keno four-spot last night while we were out to dinner.
Should we be afraid of robots (mowers)?Ā
— Drew in Katy, TX writes:
Over the last few years, I’ve noticed a robotic lawnmower mowing a lawn around the corner from where my mom lives in north Texas. It was just a curiosity until I noticed on this trip that the robot was laying down some pretty nice stripes. TNML look out ! The robots are coming.
The mower had stopped and gone away before I had a moment to get the photos of the stripes. Based on the colors, I think that it is one of these.
Kinsey:
I'm just not worried about the robot mowers. I believe humans have a desire to be one with Mother Nature, to sweat, and grind, and see the success that comes from their hard work.
That said, TNML has never been anti-robot mowers. We're pro-take care of your shit. Clean up your properties and don't be a dirtbag. If the robots help you accomplish this, then go for it.
Screencaps readers taking volunteer assignments that get them close to sports action
Everyone here knows how we now have multiple readers who are volunteering/working The Masters just to get close to The Masters.
Here's a new option, if you like racing.
— Steve E. writes:
I recently joined the volunteer organization that provides safety services for races at Portland International Raceway, and this past weekend was my first race, the Gran Prix of Portland Indycar races. Not only do we provide safety services, but also flagging, and many other track services. My assignment was the pits this weekend, so I was stationed right on the pit wall between two teams. It was in the upper 90s here yesterday, so it was a bit warm (especially in our fire suits), but we all stayed hydrated and used shade as much as possible, so we didn’t get too overheated.
It’s pretty snug in there, and I’m constantly moving around so the team members on either side of me can get to and from their other places, but everyone is really great. The crew members would give me cold drinks and make sure I was okay, and would thank us afterwards for being there. These people are all real pros, and are very good at what they do. They really show that even though there’s one driver, it’s most definitely a team effort.
I know you can see it on TV, but it’s amazing how fast they get the cars in and out of a pit stop (around 5 seconds). A stop is highly choreographed, and they practice it quite a bit. On Saturday afternoon there is a practice session, and in addition to getting laps in, they do multiple practice pit stops, where the car will do a lap, come in and do a stop, do another lap, a pit stop, and so on for a few iterations.
Prior to every stop, the crew members will get their tools in place and set them up just right. For instance, the guy on the left rear tire will pull his hydaulic torque wrench out and measure the hose length so it’s the exact length he needs, and then set it against the wall so that when the car comes in from the left, he pulls it out and it’s just right. The same is true for the wrench on the left front tire,but the difference is getting it back at the end. Since that one is in front of the car, you don’t want the car driving over it, and you want to car to get out as fast as possible,so instead of the guy who changed the tire going in front of the car and bringing it back, another crew member is stationed behind the wall, and he just grabs the hose and jerks it back, and then the car takes off. I was too close to that guy once, and got hit by the hose. Generally, that works well, but at the last pit stop in the race yesterday, the guy on one of the teams didn’t get it all the way back, and the car ended up driving over it.
Another thing they’re doing during the stop is adding fuel. During the first stop, for another team, the mechanism on the end of the fuel hose that is inserted into the fuel tank opening broke somehow, and so when they were fueling, fuel started spewing all over the car and one of the crew members. Fortunately, it didn’t ignite, but the crew was scrambling to get it fixed before the next pit stop (fortunately, they did).
I was stationed right next to one of the computer stations where the crews are looking at their computers and monitors, and the monitors show, among other things, technical car info, race stats, the TV broadcast views, and a map of the course that shows where all the cars are. Since I’m in my little bubble, I can’t really see what’s going on in the big picture of the race, so I can watch the monitors in between stops and see what’s going on. At one point during the race, all of the computer communications went down for this cart for one of the teams, so for the few minutes until they were able to get it fixed, they were all using their phones, but they quicly got things running again.
I really wanted to get video of a pit stop up close, but that’s the time I really have to be focused and ready in case something happens (and plus it really wouldn’t look good, especially on network TV), so unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get one. I did talk to a lady that did get some, and she was going to send them to me, but it looks like she forgot. However, here are some shots of before and during the race that I was able to get. The TV interview pic is one where I got pushed out of my spot by Fox Sports right after qualification was completed on Saturday.
The next races coming to Portland are the NASCAR XFinity races the weekend of August 30-31. At this point, I’m not sure what my assignment will be, but I’ll try to give you some more inside info.
Let's check in with Vegas to see how it's going downtown
Yes, I understand there were very few live table games in the Golden Gate, but this is one of those signs that the Vegas that even us Gen Xers grew up with is in a disturbing spiral.
On a trip last year to Omaha with Canoe Kirk, we went across the river to Iowa (smells like shit the minute you cross that river; what's that all about?) and played robot craps and maybe roulette. I can't remember exactly, but I remember there were very few workers and it was boring. Sad. Depressing.
Take me back to playing blackjack at Binion's back in the early 2000s when the dealers had those clickers, and it felt like Robert DeNiro could walk up in the pit at any moment.
— Chris A. writes:
The fact that hotels in Vegas charge so much for food and rooms these days is a sure sign that folks aren't gambling there much anymore. There are so many casinos around the country now and ways to gamble from the comfort of your chair that nobody feels the need to go Vegas except to see the sights, such as they are. I've been once, don't need to go again. Vegas may be a shell of its current self in 10 years.
SEC fans fight back against Millennial Jeff from Minnesota after he tooted the B1G horn
— SEC Keith takes a shot at Jeff:
Just a quick reminder for that dingleberry MJFM, it was 3,282 days between BIG 10 champions from Ohio State in 2015 and Michigan in 2024. If the SEC doesn't win one this season, they would only be 33% of the way through that lull the BIG 10 had. Outside of a few solid teams, the BIG 10 is very weak. As Will Smith would say, keep our name out yo mouth.
While I'm at it, get your boy Hookstead to man up a bit. He's embarrassing himself with his talk saying Wisconsin might have the hardest schedule in all of college football and then throws out the names of Miami (OH), Middle Tennessee, Maryland, Michigan, Iowa, Washington, Indiana, Illinois and Minnesota.
There should basically be at least 8 wins guaranteed in there and he's worried about becoming bowl eligible. If you're scared of the Iowa's, Illinois' and Indiana's of the world, then that just really goes to show how much Wisconsin has slipped over the last several years. Maybe the working class man needs to switch to wine coolers.
— Vincent wants a piece of Jeff & even targets his governor:
Jeff can crow about Midwest college football all he wants. I assume it’s to take his mind off living in Tampon Tim’s mini-Mogadishu.
— Jeff B. wants to remind MJfM:
Millennial Jeff in Minnesota is technically correct, but his memory is short...
- 2022:Ā Georgia Bulldogs
- 2021:Ā Georgia Bulldogs
- 2020:Ā Alabama Crimson Tide
- 2019:Ā LSU Tigers
- 2018:Ā Clemson Tigers
- 2017:Ā Alabama Crimson Tide
- 2016:Ā Clemson Tigers
- 2015:Ā Alabama Crimson Tide
USC fans can't believe the AP poll in the NIL era
Remember when USC fans believed that NIL would change everything and the five-stars would get paid to stay home?
— Don emails:
MY USC TROJANS NOT EVEN…Ranked?! Wow. First time in years this has happened w initial AP pole.
Lincoln Riley is a fraud.
This is the talk of So Cal today….
What’s your thoughts, Joe?
Kinsey:
I went straight to the biggest USC fan I know to get his reaction:
"We will show it on the field. We are gonna be good. Tough stretch of games in the middle to late," Ballystar just texted.
He's delusional. Lincoln Riley's program WENT BACKWARDS in 2024 after a mess in 2023. If USC is losing to Minnesota and Maryland, the program is a complete disaster.
I have USC winning six, maybe seven games this year.
Readers weigh in on the Twitter backlash I faced from the LIBS over this
— Chad D. says:
Bro I'm not even on X /Twitter because I avoid social media like the plague that it is, but I read your article and wanted to give you a shout out with a bit of encouragement because you posted your email address in the body of your piece in ALL CAPS!
That's a ballsy and hilarious move. I tip my hat to you good sir.
Like First Responders whose job it is to cut people out of burning vehicles with the jaws of life many of us just aren't cut out for certain very necessary jobs, and although I realize it's not on the same level I think sane commentators like you are needed online to combat the unhinged SJW''s, so kudos, keep fighting the good fight!
— Will in Mississippi tells me:
As the father of a former SEC sorority girl, I found your take spot on as did my daughter. I think that she’s been raised correctly to think the purple haired liberals are nut cases. Thank you for the community that you’ve created.
Unique sinks
— Steve in Milwaukee spotted these at a Vancouver brewery:
